Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Return to Placeholder Place Returns

On our last visit to Placeholder Place, the dashing Hunk Johnson was berating himself off camera as Mr. Smooth, a bruno known for being smooth, hence the clever nickname, was being frictionless with the vivaciously sultry cigaress, Mary Jane -- ostensibly Hunk Johnson's dame -- along with Busty St. Claire and Hooty McBoob, all climaxing in a frictional ménage à trois, without the ménage. Yet.

Busty St. Claire: You know I'm the one that lights your fire.

Hooty McBoob: Wouldn't you rather have breakfast in bed?

Mary Jane: Forget those skirts, Smoothie. Let's make a movie.

Mr. Smooth: Best idea I've heard all day.

Hunk Johnson: So that's your chisel, is it, weak sister?

I've got an idea of my own.

*diabolical laugh that rolls dramatically into the fog*

Mr. Smooth: You sure about Sonny? He's spits too much.

Mary Jane: If Hunk puts the screws on, knock three times.

Sonny the Snitch: Oh, I will, Mary Jane, I will.


La Belette Rouge said...

If I am reading this correctly it means you are writing a screenplay and will soon be moving to Hollywood and wil be rich. Mwah-ha-ha-hahaaaaaa! Right?

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

I can put my lips together and blow! does that mean you'll give me a part?!

Utah Savage said...

My name isn't Mary Jane but I have reefer on hand and I'm rather Busty. I have an acting resume and a sultry voice. Forget those other dames, buster. I'm the broad you want.

Randal Graves said...

LBR, you weren't supposed to tell anyone about my coming-of-age vampire comedy set in a mall! It's gonna be a hit!

JNRR, I'm always on the lookout for starlets who smoke.

utah, I think you had me at sultry voice. Or was it reefer. Or busty. I can't choose!

Dusty said...

My reefer is a hundred times better than Utah's..as mine is medicinal..Plus my tata's are quite large, although not as large as Lisa's.

So I get the role right?

Dusty said...

Plus, I played a Puerto Rican in West Side Story..the highschool version of course. ;p

Dean Wormer said...

Listen to Hooty McBoob. She knows what she's talking about AND she has a thing for guys that aren't exactly Clooneyesque.

Liberality said...

So does this mean that the classics are the best or what?

Freida Bee, MD said...

I'm holding out for the role of Hooty's married sister Ruby McBooty. I hope you'll write her in.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

You left out the Russian double-agent, Svetlana Beaverhausen. Every film noir should have a Russian double-agent.

Find out if Utah can do an accent. She'd be perfect.



Tom Harper said...

Well, I don't have a sultry voice, I'm not busty and I ain't got no reefer. I gave up pot a long time ago so I could drink more. Is there a role for me?

S.W. Anderson said...

Randal, catching the drift (ahem) of these posts, I suggest you rename them Potholder (ahem) Place.

Clever, though, how you worked in a breakfast reference — obviously with more in mind than pancakes with bananas and hot maple syrup.

Tom, be careful or we'll next be subjected to a "Lost Weekend" placeholder, or something. :)

Randal Graves said...

dusty, this is rapidly moving from a swanky noir flick to pornography. Won't someone please think of the children!

dean, the only reason she listens to my stilted direction. That, and her large salary.

liberality, much easier to romanticize this than a noir starring Boehner and Cantor.

FB, that'll have to be in the sequel, for this ends next week!

tengrain, that'll have to be saved for my Cold War tale of love and codebreaking!

tom, the only roles for shlubs like us are as lackeys doomed to a death by gunfight.

SWA, hey, if Hooty McBoob likes bananas and hot maple syrup, who am I to turn her down?

Lost Weekend? Hey man, I don't want this blog requiring actual effort. ;-)

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

dang, randal, you disappoint ... my words were from the classic Bacall/Bogart exchange regarding whistling... I withdraw my application!!! *feigns shock and dismay*

Randal Graves said...

As if I can remember lines from old movies with this brain. I'm lucky I remember that I like Hooty McBoob with hot maple syrup.

Beach Bum said...

Busty or Hooty? Now that would be a hard choice. But a threesome.....

Distributorcap said...

i knew you were the film noir type

Dr. Zaius said...

Marilyn Monroe is sooooo not Fim Noir, dude.