Saturday, April 18, 2009

Champions League

We all know what happened the last few times a Cleveland sporting club was one of the favorites heading into the postseason; see the 1986 Browns, 1987 Browns, 1995 Indians, 1996 Indians for all the gory details. No, the 1997 Indians don't count as they were underdogs against both The Fucking Yankees and the Orioles. En plus, like all the other squads from this goddamn town since 1964, they didn't win jack, jill or the deed to a hill of beans or any other legume.

This time it feels different. Why? Beats me. Doesn't hurt having home court throughout at a place where we were 39-1 when we actually tried to win a game.

Oh, and we also just happen to have the best player in his sport on planet Earth.

The West:
L.A. Lakers vs. Utah. The Jazz simply don't play defense anymore. Lakers in 5.

Portland vs. Houston. In theory, all 4/5 battles should be tough, but poor Houston. They finally avoid their matchup nightmare in Utah, and get stuck playing the team with arguably the most useful parts in the league. Blazers in 7.

Denver vs. New Orleans. Sure, Chris Paul is unquestionably the best player in the series, but Chauncey Billups has calmed down the mile high knucklehead tendencies, thus a thin Hornets bench + thin air = thin chances. Nuggets in 6.

San Antonio vs. Dallas. Duncan and Parker, even without Manu, are bad mammajammas sucka. Yes, I know the Big Fundamental has a bum knee, but their Wile E. Coyote guile saves them and their merry gang of castoffs for at least one round. Spurs in 7.

The East:
Boston vs. Chicago. The lack of KG will catch up to Bah-ston. But not yet. Sorry Bulls, your depth can't help you here. Celtics in 6.

Orlando vs. Philadelphia. Sure, Hedo Turkoglu and Rashard Lewis are banged up, but their team D is, er, magical. Magic in 5.

Atlanta vs. Miami. Dwayne Wade is Buddha, Dwayne Wade is Jesus, Dwayne Wade is Basketball Jesus, Dwayne Wade is Yahweh, Cthulhu and Galactus rolled into one. Who cares. The Hawks have slowed him down, check the box scores, chumps. And MVP voters, this guy? Really? After jobbing LBJ last year to present the dude named after a fucking steak with a lifetime achievement award, you can go fuck your fawning selves. Hawks in 7.

Cleveland vs. Detroit. It begins. Cavs in 4.


Agi said...

You teased me with that post title. All I saw in reader was "Champions League" and my mind immediately went to the UEFA Champions League...

Sherry Peyton said...

Hrrrrrrrmmmmph...Please post about sports that have relevance. I don't watch men in skirts! How bout them Redwings? Now Hockey is a man's sport, no skirts for them. Just toothless grins and broken noses! Makes me all gooshy inside!

Randal Graves said...

agi, I like me some soccer, but my worldwide expertise extends to "Man U and Chelsea and AC Milan can beat Newcastle."

sherry, number one, basketball is the second greatest sport on planet earth and number two, I posted about hockey a couple of days ago!

Distributorcap said...

well i have not gone to a knick game in over 10 years.....

Mary Ellen said... The best sport of all is Girls WAA soccer. I just watched my 9 year old granddaughter play today, and she was the best goalie ever! Five great saves, nothing got by that kid! Not to mention...she shared her snack with me after the game. How sweet is that? Ok...she hated the snack and that's why she shared it, but still.

Bulls beat the Celtics today, not that I care, just thought I'd mention it. ;-)

Have a nice weekend, kiddo. :-)

Mary Ellen said...

I just looked at the baseball scores...

4th inning

Cleveland 22

New York Yankees 4

Can this be right????


Beach Bum said...

As usual I expect the Hawks will choke when things get tight.

Übermilf said...

I write a haiku
because I don't like sports posts
Cleveland ones are worst

La Belette Rouge said...

You make me want to write about shoes.;-)

Randal Graves said...

dcap, I heard a rumor that they're not very good.

nunly, it's always nice when we, or anyone really, put the smackdown on The Fucking Yankees. I bet Steinbrenner, Jr. was ready to fire everyone. ;-)

BB, I don't know, I think the Hawks simply have more talent top-to-bottom than Miami. Would YOU trust Beasley?

For shame übermilf,
sporting posts can touch the soul
much more than cupcakes.

LBR, why must you all hate on poor Randal? ;-)

Dean Wormer said...

I dunno. My Blazers pooched that first game and gave up home court. Yao is a freak.

Randal Graves said...

If Yao ever bought that Hakeem Olajuwan Instant Court Assassin Kit, he'd be truly frightening. As for your Blazers, the stumper of the first round so far.