Sunday, April 12, 2009

Reading Is Fundamentalist













"Fundamental."

Hey, Jesusheads read, too. It's called the Bible, perhaps you've heard of it. Dobson is gonna hear about this outrage, and on today of all days when Our Lord the Smiter of Rabbits rises from his coffin to tell us whether there will be six more weeks of colored eggs in the fridge.

On a more lighthearted note, it's that time of the year again, where I help promote, in my own half-assed way, one of the lower-paying slices of the public pie.

It's National Library Week, secular hedonists!

So, the question remains, in this topsy-turvy, electro-downloadable, shuffling iPod phonetastic, Kindle-iscious world, why should you want to go to an actual building to get an actual physical book and actually read the actual thing, aside from the off chance of encountering someone as spectacularly crabby and hideous as I behind the counter?












"If you don't patronize your local library, I'll cry."



















"If you patronize your local library, I'll send you, yes, you, a pony."














"And another army to Afghanistan."



















"And another army -- oh, you ole dog!"

37 comments:

Christopher said...

Some good news to report on this Blog Against Theocracy weekend.

Lawyers for a man who alleged he was sexually abused 40 years ago as a teenager by a Roman Catholic priest lauded Wednesday a U.S. appeals court decision that paves the way for abuse victims to sue the Vatican.

Jeff Anderson, a lawyer for the plaintiff, issued this statement:

"The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in Portland, Oregon, issued a decision that opens the door to survivors (of the sex abuse scandal in the US Catholic church) to sue the Vatican for its role in the cover-up of priests and molestations by them."

The case was originally brought seven years ago on behalf of a plaintiff named only as John Doe, who alleged that he was sexually molested on several occasions when he was 15 or 16 by Roman Catholic priest Father Andrew Ronan.

Father Andrew Ronan enjoyed a long and storied history as a pedophile priest, abusing minor age boys in Ireland and at other locations in the United States before the Vatican transferred to Portland, OR.

When the case involving Father Andrew Ronan finally came to court last year, instead of defrocking this black-collared monster, the Holy See decided to fight the charges and claimed immunity under an American that grants immunity in U.S. courts to foreign states, called the Foreign Sovereign Immunities Act (FSIA).

Pope RatNAZI can run, he can hide and he can try to disappear into a crowd while in drag, but we're still coming for you.

Chef Cthulhu said...

Six more weeks of lent? The fucker saw his shadow?

I got my kids to behave yesterday by telling them the Easter Bunny would kill them in their sleep last night if they didn't.

Utah Savage said...

I'm all for getting the Pope to cough a few more million bucks for the victims of priestly buttfuckery of yore, but do you have to be so mean to the President?

Christopher said...

Pope RatNAZI’s Vatican has reportedly rejected three candidates for U.S. Ambassador to the country, including Caroline Kennedy, the daughter of the late President John F. Kennedy.

Apparently, "Papa" and the stooges who orbit his tiny pinhead, rejected Ms. Kennedy because she is unapologetically pro-choice and pro-gay marriage.

As an American, and as a gay man, I am outraged that Il Città del Vaticano, and Pope RatNAZI in particular, is determining U.S. foreign policy.

Bubs said...

Not only can you get books at the liberry--that is, if you're one a them pointy-headed types who reads and all--you can also borrow DVD's for free, and use their computers to play online poker!

Distributorcap said...

i thought they burned all the books

oops this isnt the Fahrenheit 451 blog??

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

No one loves the libraries more than me.

Besides going at least twice a month, I also attend the library commission hearings here (and am fighting the theocrats who want to ban books and put a net nanny on the library PC); I considered running for the Library Commission, but decided against it - I can be more effective as Tengrain Q. Public. At least for now.

Regards,

Tengrain

Grace Nearing said...

Christopher: Well, you know, Newt Gingrich is a recent convert to Catholicism and would make a swell ambassador to the Vatican, where he can annoy the Pope with his endless supply of unworkable ideas. Plus, it gets Old Rodent Teeth out of the US on a prolonged basis. It's a win-win.

Christopher said...

Grace,

I heard this about Newt.

What a riot. He'll make a perfect Catholic convert: he can cheat on his wife and then go to confession and all is right with the universe.

Talk about pot, meet kettle. FOFLMAO!

Tom Harper said...

Oh shit, I forgot to leave out some milk and cookies for Jesus when he -- oh, wrong holiday.

S.W. anderson said...

Re: Randal's question. Reading an actual book, magazine or newspaper is a visual and tactile experience. Reading a screen is a distinctly different visual and tactile experience. I happen to like the actual book, etc., experience, in some ways, and certainly sometimes, more than I like reading off a screen.

I'm not knocking reading off a screen, but there's something copacetic about print on paper.

BTW, RG, I have on occasion been helped by library personnel who were pleasant and highly knowledgeable. I appreciated their efforts and told them so, causing a couple of them to faint dead away. Made me think some library patrons must be less inclined to express gratitude.

Liberality said...

Ah yes, we are celebrating National Library Week too. And I like reading books much more than reading screens.

susan said...

Does this mean every patron gets Dewey Decimal Donuts this week? I'm heading to my local first thing tomorrow.

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

I love making out in the library ...

Chef Cthulhu said...

Reading screens - even kindles etc - has it's place, though I enjoy books much more. But when I head back to school this August - with 600 pages of selected reading a week - I'd rather have it in electronic format that is downloadable to an e-reader and very portable.

Reading for pleasure? Books. Absolutely. So Randal, when is this blog going to print?

Dr. Zombie said...

Never cared for libraries. I have a pathological need to OWN books. Libraries are bad because they want the books back.

When I die - the firefighters'll need to negotiate through stacks of squirreled away, pack-ratted books to get to my bloated, maggoty body.

Übermilf said...

Are you a librarian like Noah Wylie?

Beach Bum said...

...why should you want to go to an actual building to get an actual physical book and actually read the actual thing...1.) So I can get a swig of the bottle of cheap Mad Dog 20/20 one of the homeless guys sneaked in.

2.)So I can have lurid sexual fantasies about all the great looking MILF's that drag their gaggle of scrum snatchers into the place so they can have a moment of rest as they drive the library staff crazy.

3.) Enjoying the never ending surprise at discovering at how many people in the area I live in can actually read. Although, I get depressed at seeing the popularity of the Courter, Hannity, O'Reilly, and the "Left Behind" books people here enjoy.

Grace and Chris: Three times divorced Newt became a Catholic? Holy Papal Shit, they will let anyone join.

La Belette Rouge said...

I love my librarian. And, I love knowing an in the know library guy who can hook me up with documents that my local library would never have. Thanks, Randal.:-)

Dusty said...

I was doing fine until I got to this:

Holy Papal Shit, they will let anyone join. - I just blew water out of my nose damn it!

Randal Graves said...

christopher, I can't believe all you commies are against such a handsome devil.

chef, and it worked? Impressive! I usually threaten mine with singing.

utah, what, because the current one is a less psychopathic prime cog in the machine of empire? They're all fuckers.

christopher, I say we do our diplomacy with VC via twitter.

bubs, don't get me started on the DVDs. Hey, borrowing public, stop using them as coasters! Sheesh!

dcap, shhhh! You want to out me as a wingnut mole?

tengrain, you need to find a rich sponsor like George Soros so you can fund the printed version of Tengrain Presents and pass them out at the local branches.

tom, I don't know, after hanging up for a bit, I might want a stiffer drink than milk.

SWA, the computer is quite useful - obviously - but even for reading a journal article, I have to print the sucker out.

It's been my experience that the complainers get highlighted by admin since most people whose experience wasn't life-threatening tend to not speak up. That said, I'm not looking for praise, but I will take cash. I love all you patrons!

liberality, it's much more enjoyable. And comfortable as the eyeballs age.

susan, oh sure. Dunkin Donuts may have jelly and custard, we have ground up entries from the card catalog. Roughage!

JNRR, spoken like a true Frenchie hedonist.

chef, I can understand the portability of e-machines, but I can't fathom reading from a handheld. Those are for video games. ;-)

dr. zombie, believe me, I can understand that. Now, I've no problem borrowing the really expensive editions that I can't afford, but certain things one must own a copy of.

übermilf, aside from being less handsome, less rich, and having far fewer adventures, I'm exactly like Noah Wylie.

BB, hey, some of us workers might have a flask or three lying around. Not too many MILFs 'round these parts, but at my local branches, certainly but how right you are about the questionable reading material of some yokels. Look, I don't expect everyone to be checking out Balzac or Faulkner, but c'mon.

LBR, pas de problème. Oh, that'll be twenty bucks for all those electrons I used. ;-)

dusty, has the pope's toilet been blessed?

Dean Wormer said...

The important question is "does spindle count as a book?"

Dr. Zaius said...

You really shouldn't mention libraries after what happened to Übermilf recently.

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