Friday, April 24, 2009

Mad Libs

Yesterday, after I had inhaled Jesus on a piece of toast (noun) and chugged a couple of bottles of dining room set (noun), I sharpened my turpentine (noun) on the nearest fluorescent (adjective) hillbilly (noun).

I wish tasty rocket fuel (noun) didn't cost so much.

Anyway, when I was gravitating (verb) on the camel (mode of transportation) I saw this heroin (noun) and holy fuck, that fucker was sprinting (verb) like Beau Brummel (famous person)!

Then at work, some translucent (adjective) hot pants (noun) was looking for a book on solemnly (adverb) grilling (verb) and I said motherfuckingassholingsonofabitchingfuckingfucker (string of vulgarities) for we only carry tomes on surreptitiously (adverb) whitewashing (verb)!

So I took this delicious (adjective) scrimshaw (noun) down to the dungeon -- didn't know we had a dungeon, didja -- whereby I immediately invoked the plastic (adjective) powers of Hermes Conrad (cartoon character).

"Minions of Hermes Conrad (cartoon character), swiftly iron maiden (medieval torture) the chump and I'll take you to the smelliest (adjective) duck-filled Ziploc bag (noun) you can imagine!"


Mary Ellen said...

I have to tell ya, Randal, I've always been impressed with your writing skills, but you've brought my expectations to new heights with your string of vulgarities.


I bow to your talent, sir.

Übermilf said...

This makes so much more sense than what you usually write.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

What have I told you about how rude it is to not share your meds with your guests?



Dusty said...

I second TG on sharing dude!

Dean Wormer said...

What ubermilf said.

Randal Graves said...

nunly, I don't know, I think I could have added a bit more variance. I'm not happy with it.

übermilf, I cannot disagree.

tengrain and dusty, you got here too late and now they're all gone!

dean, what I said, to übermilf.

Lisa said...

I can't explain why, but the word scrimshaw makes me itch.

Beach Bum said...

Jesus on a piece of toastDammit, did you already here about the person here in South Carolina that saw Jesus on a piece of cheese toast?

Chef Cthulhu said...

MMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...rocket fuel.

Utah Savage said...

That was fabulous, absolutely thrilling and funny. You cad you. Duck-filled!

Tom Harper said...

You sharpened your turpentine on a fluorescent hillbilly??? Ahah, I know what that means. Understood. [wink]

susan said...

Greatgawdamighty! I thought they were all links and I'd be up all night translating. Instead, it's another example of your sheer unadulterated mad genius so I can make my husband happy by going to bed early tonight.

Randal Graves said...

lisa, you always have to be careful of those words made of itchy fibers.

BB, no, I heard about it later in the day, so I'm wondering if my my subconscious is Nostradamustastic. I should start playing the lottery.

How come Jesus never appears on a bagel? He was Jewish.

chef, with a heaping pile of space shuttle tiles. Yum!

utah, can cows be a cad? If so, can a cad chew its cud? Where's Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom when you need it.

tom, if I got a hipster Luke Skywalker haircut and started a band with that name, I bet I could get a record contract.

susan, that many links? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

Agi said...

Jesus cheese toast is my favorite. Every try him with gruyere? Delicious!

Randal Graves said...

Now I'm hungry. I don't know why cannibalism has such a bad reputation.

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

ark! my offspring (male) loved madlibs. um. does this mean I have to wipe his age range out of my dating pool? le sigh.

Dr. Zaius said...

This is how you should write your term papers.