Saturday, April 11, 2009

Self hypnosis

I knew this day would come.

No, not that. We still have a few years at least. I meant working on the first draft of my final paper. The problem is, aside from having to write the damn thing, and in French no less, that I'm currently stuck at work. Thus, how to fend off the crowd of would-be autodidacts and drunken students on a bathroom search whose true goal is constant interruption of yours truly?

"What about this?"

The two turntables are upstairs and a microphone is down here.

"So that's where it's at. [LAUGH TRACK] Do we have a copy of this?"

No, I checked. And no use ordering it, I need this done today.

"What about hiring a professional?"

I checked that, too, and the only ones available on such short notice are --

-- Kevin Spacey, who's a wee bit out of my price range, and --

-- Mooselini, and I'm afraid she might hypnotize me into thinking I'm McFossil.

"Aside from the trophy wife and warmongering tendencies, that'll be you in a few decades anyway."

Oh, why did the Democrats cross the road?

So they could say they embraced change.

Bwahahahahaha. Thank you, I'll be here through Saturday, be sure to tip your hypnotist.


Angie said...

Good luck on your paper. Better you than me. I don't mind writing unless it's for a required course (even an elected one). At some point I must have had a very traumatic experience involving a writing assignment that I've apparently completely block. Repressed memories are the best kind, don't you think?

Mary Ellen said...

Well, you can always write your paper in English and then Google Translate it. Of course, it will be a horrible translation that will make no sense but think about the Prof's really read all those papers? My theory is that as long as the first page is ok, that's all you need.

Oh,, and if you want to be hypnotized, try reading Obama's "Audacity of Hope" seems to have worked for the Hopeium crowd.

Mary Ellen said...

I left you an Easter message on my old blog. ;-)

Distributorcap said...

my mother went to a hypnotist to stop smoking

it worked

afeatheradrift said...

Writing it in Frenchy? No freedom fries for you! I was hynotized a couple of times. Worked to quit smoking pretty darn good. Happy writing. Pie is good....*snicker*

Randal Graves said...

angie, thanks and I don't mind the papers all that much. The oral presentations on the other hand, shudder.

Repression is fine until it becomes oppression. I think I'm going to put that on a fortune cookie.

nunly, two things: 1) I am trying to learn the language, slacker and 2)like I'm gonna waste time reading some politician's shit when there's actual lit still to be read. ;-)

dcap, do you think you could send the yokels in DC to a hypnotist so they can stop being, well, yokels?

afeather, well, if I write it en anglais, I get a big fat zero. Pie is good. Oh, you meant lemon meringue. ;-)

Beach Bum said...

Come one Randal, with a clever jiggle and just the right seasoning Soylent Green would be accepted.I can see Applebees lining up a dessert and Soylent Green entree special. Americans will buy anything.

susan said...

Oh, why did the Democrats cross the road?

So they could say they embraced change.

The more things change, the more they remain the same, n'est ce pas?

Lisa said...

I can only imagine the number of uses you might have for hypnotism. Very of few of them would be for good and not evil.

Mary Ellen said...

I am trying to learn the language, slacker

You're such an over-achiever. ;-)

Hope the Easter Bunny leaves you plenty of pot and porn in your Easter basket this year. Have a good one.


Randal Graves said...

BB, you know, you're right. Soylent Saturdays, 2 for 1 and free refills on fries.

susan, those French have a phrase for everything!

lisa, I can assure you all that I would only use my hypnotism for good.

Was that believable?

nunly, that's me, overachieving while stuck in my rut. Don't be surprised if your peep show trashes the place while you're off at church. ;-)

Bubs said...

Good luck on that paper.

I made it about 4 weeks into graduate school before I realized I was in no way suited for it, and I bugged out.

Now, I really want to know why Sarah Palin is involved in a hypnosis clinic in Arizona...

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

I had coffee today with an English dude who told me when he was younger he went to French uni. and studied to be a french teacher in secondary school. After the year or more of studying, there was a five hour written test. concerning shakespeare. specifically, the topic was the blood of Hamlet. Write a paper, in French, on that topic. and then the 6,000 people that are testing for the 1,000 certificates get to wait and see. The real kicker is he missed getting passed by 4 points.

Currently, he is in real estate.

so what was it you were complaining about again?!


thatgirl said...

you need this in your post:

Randal Graves said...

bubs, her participation can only mean some heretofore unknown aspect of the upcoming zombie apocalypse.

JRNN, this is why I keep my standards low, so my complaining has meaning. ;-)

thatgirl, dammit, I hadn't thought of that.

Dr. Zaius said...

Funny... Suddenly I am feeling sleepy... Very sleepy...