Friday, June 19, 2009

Accident of Birth

Once again, sharp, timely commentary about current events was rattling 'bout my bus-travelin' head this morning, the necessary ingredients to skillfully bake comedic (and tasty) peanut butter cookies about our continuing Rock Star Energy Drink® Blowed Up Real Good tour skying its way through the wilds of Waziristan, whereby I smarmily point out that if you dozens of Afghan Wigs didn't want to be unmanned surveillance aircrafted to death, you should have been born a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Murkan cracker chick, but then I remembered that once upon a time, a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Murkan cracker chick was abducted, which was like the greatest national tragedy since 9/11 according to the nice teevee man with well-coiffed noggin so I guess it does suck to be you after all, although I believe yesterday's attack did get Al-Qaeda #76, #77, you're up, what kind of lunch meat would you like we're out of maple ham I'm sorry, but I couldn't make said commentary rise to poorly-written, coherent invective, so you get poorly-written, incoherent invective instead, nothing honestly but weak justification to post some ever topical, skullcrushing (and wicked) riffwork because I know how much you all hate the metal.

Sorry to drone on.

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week. Yeah, I know today's Friday. It takes me four days to come up with material this bad.

Speaking of bad, and despite my impeccable patriotic credentials, I must grudgingly give some credit to the Ayatollah of the Fourth Reich. I don't recall Chimpy and his Puppetmasters demanding that we stay off the street or we'd pay, don't think we won't pay, way back in 2000.

"That's because no one was on the street except the bums that were there the previous November."

Jawohl, but I don't remember state-sponsored armed thugs getting their gun on inside dorm rooms either. Now that's fucking hardcore. America, when did you turn into a nation of candyasses?

See, this old lady is throwing the horns. What's your excuse, wuss? Well, off to apply for Froomkin's WaPo slot. Hope they permit swearing. Rock on.


Spartacus said...

I think the old lady in the pic is showing us how she rocks out when her retirement home hosts Ozzie Osbourne and AC/DC.

themom said...

Spartacus...LOL. Why wouldn't WaPo accept swearing - it is the American way?

Tom Harper said...

What, al Qaeda #76 and 77? Is that the best we can do? We've killed or captured the Number Two al Qaeda operative about a hundred times already. Why are we settling for #76 now?

We ain't losing the War on Tur, are we?

Randal Graves said...

Is this thing on?

Randal Graves said...

Alright, spartacus, where's my bedpan? SHAAAARON!

themom, swearing might be alright, but saying that we torture is a fireable offense.

tom, shhhh! We are, but we still have Mein Fuhrer Mahmoud to scare the children, and isn't the USS John McFossil about to kick some North Korean ass?

Übermilf said...

Iran better put together one hell of a tourism video if they ever hope to live this down.

S.W. Anderson said...

Randal, you'd be a great addition to the Post, but alas, a bad fit. That creaking barge is currently pumping out bilge from the hard right, Broder not being close enough to suit.

As for Froomkin, how many Washington Times readers could he ever attract? I mean, times are tough. Gotta compete.

La Belette Rouge said...

The old woman is a Viking not a metal head. I just thought I should clarify that point just so you don't get confused and think that metal has gone main stream.

susan said...

Thankfully 'the blonde-haired, blue-eyed Murkan cracker chick' refused to get behind that story but even so failed to convince the average (bloodthirsty) Merkan patriots.

Sorry to be late. I was out to lunch ;-)

sunshine said...

Mmmmm! Peanut Butter cookies!
Yeah, it's late. I've got nothing.
I do dig Granny getting her rock on though. Hmmm... Granny getting her rock on? That just sounds wrong.


Beach Bum said...

You mean Bush didn't win the war on tur before he left office? That bastard, and to think we let him double the national debt so he could play his games.

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

is it just me, or is that teenaged girl's jaw unhinged? hmmm.

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, I'll have you know that Cleveland is in the United States, and my bus crosses the Veterans' Memorial Bridge twice each day, so you hate both America, and the soldiers who defend her from the Axis of Evil.

SWA, maybe we'll get lucky and they'll add someone of the calibre of a Dougie Feith to the ranks.

Now there's an idea. "No, Dan Froomkin is my evil twin. I'm Don Froomkin. Long live the Moonies!"

LBR, you question the bonafides of the Viking Lady? And it has, but all the good stuff is still underground. Fight the power and such.

susan, you commie pinkos always are. Sorry, couldn't let that one slip. ;-)

sunshine, the jury will disregard the Canadian's statement.

BB, if he's truly not concerned about Osama, I don't see why we should be.

JNRR, maybe she was practicing for a walk-on role in Deep Throat.

Dean Wormer said...

Is that the satan symbol?