Thursday, June 25, 2009

Surprise, surprise!

"Golly, Sgt. Carter, why do you want me to put these in order from most to least surprising?"
"It's a test of your limited mental capacity, Pyle! Now get moving!"

1) United States 2, #1 world ranked Spain 0, their first loss in 35 matches.

"I guess that's what those Spaniards get for taking the land of our sixteenth-century white, Christian ancestors, right Sgt. Carter? Shame, shame, shame."

2) Shaquille O'Neal is traded to the Cavs for a second round pick, spare tank parts and an extra sandwich from the mess hall.

"Tony Danza? Dick Butkus? I'm confused Sgt. Carter!"

3) National Lampoon's Afghan Vacation

"Shazam! I think I finally understand this terrorism thing, Sgt. Carter!"

"Try again, Pyle!"

"Extra credit for Übermilf! Pyle, drop and give me twenty!"


sunshine said...

I thought that maybe the LEAST surprising would have been that another U.S. Senator has admitting to cheating on his wife!
Doesn't that even rate anymore?!?

The American Soccer Team is doing extremely well! Whoo Hoo!!
I've already told you the story about what happened when Italy won the World Cup a couple years back. I won't repeat it again... :)

I was surprised about Shaq as well! I thought he had enough clout to stay wherever he wanted to by now. Meh, what do I know?

Are y'all out bombing again? Remind me not to piss off America! Our beloved Canadian Snowbirds did a show in our wee town yesterday and the jets flying over head gave me some idea of what it sounds like to have an air attack! Yikes!!!!

P.S. (in my sing song voice) There's so good news over at my blog!!!!)

sunshine said...

I mean.. "some good news over at my blog"... not "so".

Übermilf said...

I always thought of us more like Wile E. Coyote, overspending ridiculously on underperforming doodads that get us no closer to catching the Roadrunner. Who lives in high, arid hills and sticks its tongue out as us as our elaborate plans fail time and time again.

Nunly said...

Ubermilf said it perfectly.

I wonder if Elmer Fudd is going to be our new National Symbol.

Randal Graves said...

sunshine, the surprise factor for that is, by definition, negative. It's surprising when a dude with power isn't boning a third party.

Just watch it, Canadian Bacon. We've got drones, and we know how to use 'em.

übermilf, on careful reflection, you are indeed correct, and the proper changes have been made.

nunly, get rid of the pretzeldents and put his mug on all the paper money.

puddy said...

oh, i don't know... most of us back home resemble porky pig and sound like yosemite sam.

Dusty said...

Übermilf hit the nail squarely on it's little head!

S.W. anderson said...

It's amazing what an accurate, funny commentary those cartoons make on some of the things going on.

There's something to keep in mind, though, about those RC prowlers and their less-than-perfect record for getting bad guys. The old way, using B-52's and 2,000-pound bombs, results in much greater collateral damage and loss of life.

Yeah, it's a shame any of it is going on. But keep in mind where many of the 9-11 attackers and London subway bomb planters came from. Unfortunately, they're not all dear hearts and gentle people over Pakistan and Afghanistan way.

Mary Ellen said...

nunly, get rid of the pretzeldents and put his mug on all the paper money.

LOL! Great idea!

Dean Wormer said...

Great post!

You guys just picked up the best free throw shooter in the league.

Take Greg Odin, please.

dguzman said...

It's like I can see Sgt Carter's eye twitching right now.

Randal Graves said...

puddy, you know, we do, don't we.

dusty, she should get her own show on HGTV.

SWA, given our rich history of overt and covert fuckery, I'd say they're not all dear hearts and gentle people over USA way, either, LeMay. ;-)

dean, that's why Shaq plays the first three quarters and Z the fourth since he, like most grade schoolers, can hit the bulk of his free throws.

Sure, we'll take Oden. Can we have some first rounders as well? And now Orlando is talking about sending Alston/Battie/Lee to Jersey for Vinsanity. Come on, sports gods, cut this city ONE break, thanks.

Randal Graves said...

nunly, Homer has to be on one of the bills, though.

dguzman, oh, that's only because he found out Pyle was a homersexual. They'll ruin the military, they will!

themom said...

thanx for such a great post. my day is complete!

okjimm said...

I saw the soccer thing..... beating Spain was cool....

I'll trade you Mr. Donut and a number two pick in 2013 for a blog to be named later.

Tom Harper said...

Gomer got Question #1 right. America was a white Christian suburban paradise in the 16th century when those swarthy Spaniards came charging in and wrecked everything.

Liberality said...

well goollyy--you could have knocked me over with a feather I tell ya...

are you happy about the Shack?

Beach Bum said...

I Imagine that somewhere really warm Custer is wishing he had some of those unmanned drones for the Battle of Little Big Horn.

S.W. anderson said...

Randal, you're right that it's by no means one sided. Fortunately, LeMay was kept on a fairly short leash.

Übermilf said...

Now when I am on my death bed, wondering if I've ever made an impact on the world, I can remember the one time I made you edit your blog.

And I should have a show on HGTV. But I don't think anyone would sponsor a show called "What a Load of Crap! Don't Buy That!"

Randal Graves said...

themom, now I feel that I've accomplished something. Can't I go back to being a bum?

okjimm, throw in a chicken wing and it's a deal.

tom, if only we had had Reagan back then, he wouldn't pushed those bolero bastards back with only one hand.

liberality, ask me next June. ;-)

BB, I'm surprised the time-traveling military hardware genre perfected by The Final Countdown hasn't been further exploited.

SWA, my point was that since each nation has humans, a good portion of them are probably fuckers. Some blow up schools, some use their own variation on The Company, some use economic sanctions, some use the police state, some use mind-numbing entertainment. I like that the US is more flexible than most.

übermilf, and here you thought you'd never have a geopolitical impact.

Bah, who wouldn't watch that show? Like they need another stupid hour of house fixer-uppering.

Snave said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Snave said...

Just like what Ubermilf said way back there. Our government has surely spent way more than its share of our money on Acme products. Gotta smoke out them terr'ists!!

Hey, good job Cavs for getting Shaq. That will be fun! But will King James be back? That's something we don't talk about though, right? And by the way, we like Greg Oden here in Oregon. My daughter stood behind him in line at a McDonalds in Portland, and she said "Whoa, he's BIG!!!"

So he eats at Mickey D's... that explains it all. And probably has a t-shirt that reads "Body by Ronald McDonald" to boot!

Back to King James... Supposedly King James of the King James Version was gay. People who thump on a King James bible are probably the same kind of religiosos who participate in all the hand motions and singalongs for "YMCA" at ballgames, not even having the slightest clue that it's one of those gay anthem thingies.

If they only knew!

I like to think they know, but they are practicing tolerance.

"Gee Sargeant Carter, if you ain't askin', I'm not tellin'!"

I'm not sure Sargeant Carter was what you'd really call a tolerant type...

Randal Graves said...

Hey, whether the original King James was gay or not doesn't matter because Ted Haggard was gay AND did meth, and he's still loved by Wingnuts For Jesus, right? Right?

If I eat McDonald's, will I become as tall as Greg Oden?

Snave said...

No. But while it won't make you as tall as Oden, it might make you at least as wide as Charles Barkley.

Dr. Zaius said...

I'll be down at the motor pool fixing a jeep.

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