Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Going to California Ohio

See, left coast potheads, you're not the only member of the union whose economizing is in a severe state of broke down fuckery. But our own Governator, admittedly not as steroided as Ah-nold -- of course, he also didn't take part in Batman & Robin, so score one for the Buckeye -- has found the perfect solution for the impending round of budget cuts that, sadly, doesn't involve growing pot nor Mary Louise Parker coming over chez Randal to be my dealer of love.

Oh Randal, let's bake.

"Wake up."

Huh? Oh yeah, the answer to our prayers:

Well, library patrons, there's always browsing copies of People at the local convenient store. One humbug!

Good luck not breaking down during the next minute, mentally ill. Two humbugs!

Latchkey preschoolers, mom just left for her minimum wage job, so here's your chance to run with scissors. Three humbugs! I won! I won!

What, like Strickland, an American governor of an American state in America was gonna reverse the Bobby Taft, American/Ken Doll, American tax cuts?

Maybe you want that oversize novelty check in the hands of anti-competition socialist commie homersexual jihadists, but I still love this country, dammit.


Tengrain said...

Not all of us on the left coast are Pothead, you swine!

Some of us are into TM. And 'shrooms. But I'm only guessing.



Mary Ellen said...

What's wrong with being a pothead? Sheesh!

La Belette Rouge said...

I was so excited for a moment. I thought you were coming over to my neck of the Weeds woods. Arnold needs money and Mary Louise knows how to make it. A marriage made of necessity.

Randal Graves said...

tengrain, uh, Real Americans do meth, Jerry Garcia.

nunly, can't you read my comment to Tengrain that I hadn't written yet?

LBR, hell with Arnold, I need money, too. I can't afford a trip to Detroit. Wait, what's that? Mary Louise wants to marry me?

Ricky Shambles said...

The fact that our state was told over a decade ago by its own supreme court that the levy system funding the schools was illegal (and they did NOTHING) is bad enough.

The fact that budgeted money for schools was quietly re-routed as lottery money trickled in, filling in a hole instead of working as a supplement is further travesty.

Now we're going to kill the public libraries. Delicious. Next? All state police will drive used bumper cars, 500% "Sinnin' Tax" on any and all birth control, and the implementation of "Ass Rape Fridays," though little details have yet been released on the last one.

Nunly said...

nunly, can't you read my comment to Tengrain that I hadn't written yet?

Sorry--my cheap ass crystal ball made in China ain't worth shit.

Randal Graves said...

ricky, if that last one comes to fruition, just think of all the blogging fodder you'll have for your van posts!

nunly, BUY AMERICAN. Oh wait, we outsourced the magical implement industry, didn't we.

fancy freelancer said...

But if you raised taxes, your state wouldn't be competitive and industry would leave!

You don't want to wind up like those losers in the rust belt, do you?

Übermilf said...

Sorry, that was me. I'm trying to find a job again.

Christopher said...

In California, there's not much left to cut to close the budget hole.

The state's laid-off a staggering 26,000 teachers, public works projects have been cancelled and summer school -- well, that's just an anachronism from the Brady Bunch days.

It's a mess. But hey, at least Bush had his war -- just like his daddy and now he's free to live in luxurious splendor on Daria Lane in Dallas with a Secret Service contingent of 103 men and women paid for by you and me.

Beach Bum said...

At least your governor didn't say hell with it and run off to Argentina for a cheap rendezvous with his mistress. Because down here the biblethumpers had full fledged hissy fits over something as simple as a state lottery.

I have to ask is Sandford's situation bad enough for Argentina to cry over him?

okjimm said...

//anti-competition socialist commie homersexual jihadists,//

..sounds like a cause I can support... is there going to be a Tele-thon?

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, I hate to tell you, but most jobs out there, especially the freelance ones, aren't fancy. But you should always dress the part, nonetheless. You're welcome for the fashion advice.

christopher, you might have inadvertently hit on something. Have you guys thought about invading another state? Why should Texas have all the secession fun? And sure, you guys have no money to pay for anything, but your overwhelming numbers should subdue, say, Nevada in no time. Then you can sell off Las Vegas.

BB, he might be crying over the release of those steamy emails. Who knew a wingnut could be so sexified.

okjimm, there should be, dammit. Jerry Lewis is still available, right?

Dusty said...

Speaking of potheads..the fucking Sheriffs dept shut down all my pot despensaries here in Bako..fucking assholes! Now I have to drive to Hell-A for my..cough..medicine.

Ricky Shambles said...

ff- Yeah those rust belt. oh. wait. ouch.

Randal - I will predict that your prognostication is correct, but more specifically it will be van murals of Hannah Montana and The Jonas Brothers, hearkening the trailer park trash back to their Jr. High glory days.

Tom Harper said...

Thank God Ohio has a sensible governor, not like those moonbats and RINOs in the left coast. Ohio doesn't need to legalize dangerous drugs and they don't need no steenking "safety net." Tell those whiny children to go out and get jobs.

How do I come up with such wisdom? I always ask myself "What Would Grover Norquist Do?"

Dr. Zaius said...

Maybe we could get out of this current economic slump if we just printed bigger money...