Wednesday, March 23, 2011

One Seventeen Bourbon(s), One Twenty-Three Scotch(es) and One Six Cases of Beer

Whew! I can finally wipe off the dust & put that to good use.

On a more less not-all-that serious note, folks bag on goopers as being smart as a sack of really dumb rocks, but this is ingeniously supervillain, for booze, like porn, is coated with a year's supply of Recession Wax. I'm not saying the loot won't ooze to the usual suspects 'cause duh, thus my fellow Ohioans, please join me in a soon-to-be more expensive drink, not like you weren't gonna get blotto anyway 'cause you can't afford hookers n' blow like said usuals especially after hearing from fellow peonage about the technocracy's local HR bot layering red cake razzmatape (shorter: don't you or your future-winning children even *think* about getting really x 3 sick who do you think you are

"First, your shorter isn't very short. Second, everyone already knows this."

You again.

expendable worm, a said usual? [ed. note: deathly ill? Non, though it would be handy to have some basement junk to hawk on the Legitimate Businessman's Market, mayhap I'll become a pretzeldent]) at yesterday's staff meeting that I never attend & now I wish I had 'cause I rather enjoy a zesty snifter of angry blood ritual & a chortle chaser, this calls for some metal facing.  

Three days till catharsis woo!

Gov. Kasich & the Booze Czar (do we have one?) explain the finer points of scamola to a filthy rube. (h/t Charles)


Jack Crow said...

Recession wax. That's a pretty turn of phrase.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Damnit, R.G., I started reading the comments to that article and all even more depresseder (it's full of the usual Rand regurgitation, as channeled through the usual h8 radio suspects).

This is all your fault.

Demeur said...

That's it I'm setting up the still in the basement. Need some pitbulls to keep the "revenuers" away.

Privatize! Privatize is their battle cry ya know. Well we'll just see about that.

thatgirl said...

the hipster kids have rediscovered the infomercial bottle slicer, as you can now buy swanky vanilla scented candles ensconced in old bottles of PBR and Red Stripe for the price of admission to said cathartic show at any craft fair where most of the clientele is tattooed and probably listens to bands from Brooklyn.

Randal Graves said...

jack, I knew watching Let's Make A Deal as a kid would bear fruit someday.

if, English Pravda is the place to go for wacky & mostly non-go-fuck-your-mother banter.

My fault? Try Art Modell's!

demeur, if some enterprising porn director hasn't yet come up with Privatizing My Privates, he should.

thatgirl, oh sure hipsters, you may love K-Tel and Ronco, but I *lived* it.

thatgirl said...

As in, you were into Super Right On Hits of the 70's before it was cool?

Freedom Rock!

Anonymous said...

Why doesn't Kasich try prohibition and then oversight of speakeasies? He could play Star Trek then... that episode where Kirk becomes a mob boss!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

He's going for "Spock with a beard" already, Charles.

Randal Graves said...

thatgirl, I've always been turning it up, man.

charles, bwah! A fantastic idea!

okjimm said...

bourbon, scotch, beer? So after breakfast, what's for lunch? Whoops.... my Governut says I am un-budget.... no scotch.

thatgirl said...

I think this post needs more slang involving Chicago pianos and bathtub gin.

Randal Graves said...

okjimm, why not have some water? It's only 6.95 a glass.

thatgirl, don't be a bunny, juju costs rhino, and this stiff ain't toting nothin'.

Tom Harper said...

I'm going to have all of my booze shipped across the country from Ohio's state liquor stores. I'm doing this solely to help Ohio's crumbling economy.

Aw shucks, I'm just that kind of guy.

Liberality said...

but what about the weed? :)

S.W. Anderson said...

Sentient Ohioans have ample reason to start a rebellion, buy a few F-18's and use those to effect regime change. (Polls indicate the spirit's increasingly willing, anyway.) Where does it say only Mideasterners get to start popular movements to take the garbage out.

Just don't expect NATO to come in on the people's side in Ohioans' freedom fight. They might get some backing from Hugo Chavez, though.

susan said...

I heard a rumor he'll be going door to door soon to demonstrate the benefits of owning personal drones.

Randal Graves said...

tom, you're a gentleman & a drunk.

liberality, the gateway drug? You want an entire state on coke? That's reserved for the nobility, duh.

SWA, NATO? They're full of French. And sure, Burke-Lakefront's not that far from *here*, but how can I protect the homestead from ne'er-do-wells? I'm sure they've got a spare Apache chopper or a Harrier, can park it on the front lawn.

susan, but will a drone get those tough stains out of my carpet?