Friday, March 4, 2011

Porn, pizza rolls, pulpy pages, penalty kicks & prestidigitation, parsimoniously.


















O, Mighty Kasich, teach me how to slack whilst lifting loot just like you.

When you concretely know that carved in stone but with the skill of a free market disembodied hand not a haughty unionized (re: teachers, read: teachers, not the educational system itself, don't be daft diploma millerite. What DC United's angriest fan said, but cut the Tweedledums some slack. Tough to read polls when busy getting sexfully massaged by corporate, now back to your regularly scheduled pointless crap) jackhammer that collectively bargained lazy man vacation is on tap but not beer 'cause not a fan for a lazy man, yours truly in case you were wondering & whether you were or weren't I don't give a hoot, hard to give a hoot.

Diagram that sentence, correctly, & you can have one, one, pizza roll. Rumble, rumble, toil & misplaced essays from the library's lost & found! (I miss the worst ever piece on Miles Davis' Bitches Brew LP. What gloriously discordant putrescence that was. Sniff.) What's this, political turmoil in the canal kingdoms? Curses, slacking will have to wait! 

Hup Holland
So you thought the Netherlands was a democratic country? You thought human rights were being respected in that little Kingdom by the North Sea? You got it all wrong there. Don't you believe the Netherlands is a friendly constitutional monarchy with happy, loyal subjects tending their tulip fields and polishing their wooden shoes! Beatrix von Amsberg, the present queen, rules her realm like a medieval fiefdom, with an iron fist. Of course, there is a constitution, but in actual practice its lofty principles are not enforced.
Avengers, assemble!
In conclusion, Beatrix the Bilderberger has sound reasons to regard Mr. Lensink as a very dangerous man. His actions and contentions are a threat to the survival of the monarchy. Therefore, she had him locked up in her own version of the Bastille, the Vught Maximum Security Prison.
We must assault the Castle of Chortling Composition! I am prepared to lead the way with my +3 halberd of exclamation points! Sir-Mix-A-Lot, stop your crying! Beatrix the Bilderberger must be stopped! Don't scoff at being easily amused or your heads'll roll, too!



I - like - big riffs & I cannot lie. Tack, svenskar, for praising this glorious day.

17 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I - like - big riffs & I cannot lie.

I knew there was a reason I put you on the blog roll.
~

Randal Graves said...

Sure as hell can't be for the incisive commentary, although I did successfully predict that Spain would knock off the Dutch in the World Cup final.

Laura said...

Hmmm... this post sounds a bit political to me. You know that's not my strong suit. :P

Instead of commenting on your post, let me tell you what somebody "Googled" to find my blog..
"sexy belly dancer dancing with whip"
Uh huh, uh huh.... who's the impressive one NOW? eh? ;p

((Hugs))
Laura

okjimm said...

WHAT>>>> Bait & switch.... Where's the Pizza Rolls and Porn??? Boy& Howdy.... makes me wanna protest... off to Madison!!

Randal Graves said...

laura, the labyrinthine complexities of Dutch Bilderbergsroman is too much for us mere mortals to handle.

Are you suggesting that there's a dearth of sexy belly dancers with whips here?

okjimm, ha imscottwalker noob!

La Belette Rouge said...

Yeah, you had me at "I - like - big riffs & I cannot lie. " I know that it is one of the last lines, but that's where you got me. Just be happy that you got me.;-)

Liberality said...

When you write a bad sentence it's sort of an art form. When I write a bad sentence I'm just a bad writer. Hey, that's not fair. Me wants to write snark and bad sentezes 2!

S.W. Anderson said...

Maybe Beatrix is no Dutch treat, but in a choice between her and living where Kasich is in charge, I'd tiptoe through the tulips any day.

Tom Harper said...

"Diagram that sentence correctly" -- I'm still looking for the predicate nominative.

BDR said...

Bmpthnx! Thing are better since DCU reacquired Frdsx!

Gah!

thatgirl said...

by the way, the convenience store across the street sells packs of pizza rolls for $2.99 in case you're feeling both hungry and extravagant.

susan said...

I'm not going to try parsing that sentence but will compliment the alliteration in your title.

Chef Cthulhu said...

Ummm...sure.

Cormac Brown said...

So, will you make your suprise cameo as a hero or a villain?

Randal Graves said...

LBR, typical provincial Californistanian transplant, ignoring the dire threat Beatrix the Bilderberger is to us all!

liberality, well, if you'd spend less time writing about "important" stuff! Saps the energy.

SWA, flower, flower everywhere & tons of footie on teevee. Although at the rate things are going, Amsterdam will be pot-less & left coast stoners will be the ones toking.

tom, Dave's not here, man.

BDR, yeah well, he's no Branko! that's for sure.

thatgirl, gasp! That's the most stunning news since the Cavs won on the road, which they did last night, I should celebrate via pizza rolls.

susan, lure 'em with catchy titles, that way when they leave upon seeing the gobbledygook, I still get it a hit. Remember, as Charlie said, Winning.

chef, exactly.

cormac, don't both require effort?

Beach Bum said...

Not sure what the deal is but right on man!

Madam Z said...

Tu lips are better than one!