Tuesday, March 8, 2011

You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em

"The bottle was this big."

Twenty years ago next week, I'll have been acquainted with my sometimes-better-half for twenty years, I'm not crazy, ree-ee-dundancy! You're the one that's crazy! re-ee-dundancy! Why now & not then? Vacation Winning the Future™, duh, plus last night we digressed & ended up regaling the lunatic offspring with misty "cigarette" smoke memories of our first concert together that June oh wherefore art thou Richfield Coliseum sniff

You say this Layne cat's not an H-ed up invalid?

& autumnal tales of visiting drunken debauchery pre-posterity back at the home of the Gerry Faust Invitational. They're already warped, so relax, Mrs. Lovejoy, & I'm still pissed I lost that fucking game of Tecmo Bowl to the RA 'cause the fucking CPU didn't credit me with a safety on the scoreboard even though I sacked that sonofabitch in the endzone my first loss ever. Sweet Cthulhu, Yukon Jack is bloody awful (Uno!) but that gent was sure kinder to underagers as was the Illusion-during-MNF-halftime hawker (I remember when 28 was old, Dr. Pepper) than the field stabber or whatever probably more colorful less accurate sobriquet we saddled him with. Can't avoid the Gauntlet of Doom if we're to booze, dood, all because I chose a blind date over a game of cards & ended up nukyular instead of dead in a black metal ditch.* Now that's gambling.

*in truth, I'd likely be a peon somewhere else. Habitual ATF no-nos ain't cheap.


Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Are you not going to reveal the secret of your 20-year success?

I've considered all the possibilities and I suspect a thorozine dart from a blo-gun and a polo mallet were involved, right?



Liberality said...

congrats for the upcoming milestone.

I remember 28 fondly and thought even then it was the best age. Not yet 30 but old enough so that others couldn't look down at you.

Anonymous said...

Anticipatory Congratulations, Sire.

I've had enough difficulty living with me for 20 years, I salute those who can live with another for that duration!

(doesn't matter the insurance money is about to run out anyway)

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Congrats, Magical Relationship Guru!

So it's all about the death metal, isn't it?

Randal Graves said...

tengrain, never misunderestimate the awesome power of routine.

liberality, the problem is, being over 30, it'd be silly for me to trust myself.

charles, what's insurance? Twenty hitched doesn't officially occur until just before Quetzalcoatl, but that's just legal bullshit.

Hell, I wouldn't want to live with me, but she's fucked up.

if, don't dig power chords, gonna be a clusterfuck, there's a future bestseller!

susan said...

Just read some bad news about 'At the Mountains of Madness' so I'm happy to see you in a celebratory mood about a milestone anniversary. Congrats and sorry to hear you're still bitter about Tecmo Bowl.

S.W. Anderson said...

Twenty years, huh. Your better half must have world-class intestinal fortitude, especially if you leave notes magnetically held to the fridge that read like your posts. :)

Beach Bum said...

My best to you and your Mrs.

Mine is big on quotes and offered this one up at our last anniversary.

"A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year." ~Paul Sweeney

That's really super cool but the minute I get some idea that she has increased the amount of life insurance on my sorry butt I'm joining witness relocation.

Tom Harper said...

Aw, such romantic memories. So when you hear something by Slayer, you two whisper to each other "Honey, they're playing our song."

Mauigirl said...

Hey, congratulations on twenty years! Goes by like THAT, doesn't it (she said, snapping her fingers).

Chef Cthulhu said...

Congrats on reaching two decades!

La Belette Rouge said...

SIncere congrats to you and to Mrs. Randal. I continue to live in hope that one day Mrs. Randal will start a blog in which she spills what it is like to be married to Mr. Randal.

Randal Graves said...

susan, well fuck, that's almost as depressing as realizing we'll be officially hitched for twenty next summer.

SWA, everyone wrongly assumes she's got the harder gig. I deserve a pretzeldential medal of freedom for what I have to deal with.

BB, maybe SWA's right, I need to be more clear. This was about our first meeting. :)

I'd suggest Ohio for your stint in the WPP, but, though we have plenty of weirdo crackers, we're nowhere near as entertaining as your psychotic state.

tom, nothing says love like Raining Blood.

mauigirl, are you kidding? A long slog through cavernous hell; 38%, +/- 3% was a joke.

chef, I shoulda gone to play cards. I coulda won, ten, twenty bucks!

LBR, you think amped & steroided primal scream therapy would be a hit?