Thursday, March 10, 2011

Who is driving? Oh my God, bear is driving! How can that be? A Play In One-Half Act

Miss Prunella Vulgaris, The Duchess of Hammer-on-Dulcimer, esteemed member of the Peonage

Juan, The Earl of Valdez, less esteemed member of the Peonage
Bear, bait and loveable ursine scamp
Snowpocalypse, noted archfiend

Library, interior, nighttime. SNOWPOCALYPSE's Artificial Contraption of Contrapuntal Precipitation has trapped DUCHESS and EARL in a Doppler Spiral of Infernal Immobility.

EARL: What a gaff. I feel like I'm in a bad episode of Placeholder Place.

DUCHESS: But you repeat yourself.

EARL: 'tis another snow job, 'tis.

SNOWPOCALYPSE:  I snow what you mean.

DUCHESS and EARL: Snowpocalypse! You hold a candle to the devil!

SNOWPOCALYPSE: I know you are. But what am I.

Snow continues to fall.

EARL: You won't get away with th -- hey!

DUCHESS: Are you two alright?

EARL: Where's the fucking stage manager? Fake snow, dumbass, fake! It's hot as fuck in here, this is gonna melt and now I smudged my makeup. Wardrobe!

SNOWPOCALYPSE: Erm, should I stay in character?

DUCHESS: Shhh! The audience can hear you!

SNOWPOCALYPSE: What audience?

DUCHESS: Good point. Anyway, to wrap this up, Bear stopped toking long enough to drive his super off-road dayglo horse-drawn carriage through the drifts to save the Peonage, keeping the world safe for the noble pursuit of book learning. Bravo.

SNOWPOCALYPSE: We're still getting paid, right?

DUCHESS rolls her eyes as SNOWPOCALYPSE shakes his fist towards the heavens in a combination of haughty hubris and ash-in-mouth defeat like all supervillains do after finding out there's no cold cut tray backstage.



Lisa said...

Should I be glad that I'm living The Life down here in Dixie where the thought process is questionable, but the skies rarely shed dandruff?

thatgirl said...

My pseudonym/fake lead singer of a band name just got more awesome thanks to the addition of a duchy. Though if I was a swanky high class companion to rich and wealthy, it might have to be Prunella "Snickers" Vulgaris.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Excellent improv, R.G.

My "Intro to Improv" class just ended, but I'm thinking of taking the next series because it was a hoot.

Anonymous said... the wings, a knuckle-dragging, wifebeater-wearing, pornstache-sporting, TransAm-driving Giuseppe Seispacko: BOO-YAH!

(he stands in for me)

Randal Graves said...

lisa, each & every locale has its archfiends, perhaps there's some mechanical rush hour traffic car that transforms into a peach-throwing trebuchet that you should be wary of.

thatgirl, if Milky Way joins Snickers & Skittles, would their incorporated escort service be called 3 Musketeers?

if, what's your motivation?

charles, Snidely Camaro, you rakish cur!

thatgirl said...

The Escorts win! The Escorts win!

All for one and one for all.

Randal Graves said...


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

if, what's your motivation?

And I knew if I had my giraffe

That I could make those people laugh...

susan said...

I can think of worse places than a library to be trapped inside during a blizzard - especially if you were there to provide the entertainment. Placeholder Place was a great series.

SharePoint foundation 2010 said...

That sounds interesting!

S.W. Anderson said...

Federico Fellini has nothing to fear from your quarter, Randal. This is interesting, but you need to work in a love triangle or maybe an inner Oedipal conflict in Bear.

The term "Snowpocalypse" has possibilities, though. Especially hereabouts after what we experienced in November and February.

Susan Tiner said...

Ash in your mouth? I had no idea you were observant. Welcome to Lent, hopefully there will be no more snow.

Demeur said...

Japan suffers from one of the largest earthquakes in history. It may be sending a cloud of radioactive fallout our way and this is the best you can do? Pffft! Better do better than that. A little snow melts in a few weeks he said rearing back with his rotten tomato.

Randal Graves said...

if, hungry hungry hippos.

susan, don't forget the delicious vending machine fare housed in our beautiful brutalist lobby.

SWA, 'twas a half-act play, sir, a minimalist gut shot is the goal, & I think achieved. Snowpocalypse scares you, doesn't he.

susan t, I decided to give up not giving up.

demeur, what if radioactive fallout bring back a killer tomato attack? Is the world honestly ready for a fourth sequel?

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