Thursday, March 10, 2011

Who is driving? Oh my God, bear is driving! How can that be? A Play In One-Half Act


















Characters
Miss Prunella Vulgaris, The Duchess of Hammer-on-Dulcimer, esteemed member of the Peonage

Juan, The Earl of Valdez, less esteemed member of the Peonage
Bear, bait and loveable ursine scamp
Snowpocalypse, noted archfiend


Library, interior, nighttime. SNOWPOCALYPSE's Artificial Contraption of Contrapuntal Precipitation has trapped DUCHESS and EARL in a Doppler Spiral of Infernal Immobility.

EARL: What a gaff. I feel like I'm in a bad episode of Placeholder Place.

DUCHESS: But you repeat yourself.

EARL: 'tis another snow job, 'tis.

SNOWPOCALYPSE:  I snow what you mean.

DUCHESS and EARL: Snowpocalypse! You hold a candle to the devil!

SNOWPOCALYPSE: I know you are. But what am I.

Snow continues to fall.

EARL: You won't get away with th -- hey!























DUCHESS: Are you two alright?

EARL: Where's the fucking stage manager? Fake snow, dumbass, fake! It's hot as fuck in here, this is gonna melt and now I smudged my makeup. Wardrobe!

SNOWPOCALYPSE: Erm, should I stay in character?

DUCHESS: Shhh! The audience can hear you!

SNOWPOCALYPSE: What audience?

DUCHESS: Good point. Anyway, to wrap this up, Bear stopped toking long enough to drive his super off-road dayglo horse-drawn carriage through the drifts to save the Peonage, keeping the world safe for the noble pursuit of book learning. Bravo.

SNOWPOCALYPSE: We're still getting paid, right?

DUCHESS rolls her eyes as SNOWPOCALYPSE shakes his fist towards the heavens in a combination of haughty hubris and ash-in-mouth defeat like all supervillains do after finding out there's no cold cut tray backstage.

fin

32 comments:

Lisa said...

Should I be glad that I'm living The Life down here in Dixie where the thought process is questionable, but the skies rarely shed dandruff?

thatgirl said...

My pseudonym/fake lead singer of a band name just got more awesome thanks to the addition of a duchy. Though if I was a swanky high class companion to rich and wealthy, it might have to be Prunella "Snickers" Vulgaris.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Excellent improv, R.G.

My "Intro to Improv" class just ended, but I'm thinking of taking the next series because it was a hoot.
~

Charles F. Oxtrot said...

...in the wings, a knuckle-dragging, wifebeater-wearing, pornstache-sporting, TransAm-driving Giuseppe Seispacko: BOO-YAH!

(he stands in for me)

Randal Graves said...

lisa, each & every locale has its archfiends, perhaps there's some mechanical rush hour traffic car that transforms into a peach-throwing trebuchet that you should be wary of.

thatgirl, if Milky Way joins Snickers & Skittles, would their incorporated escort service be called 3 Musketeers?

if, what's your motivation?

charles, Snidely Camaro, you rakish cur!

thatgirl said...

The Escorts win! The Escorts win!

All for one and one for all.

Randal Graves said...

BWAH!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

if, what's your motivation?

And I knew if I had my giraffe

That I could make those people laugh...
~

susan said...

I can think of worse places than a library to be trapped inside during a blizzard - especially if you were there to provide the entertainment. Placeholder Place was a great series.

SharePoint foundation 2010 said...

That sounds interesting!

S.W. Anderson said...

Federico Fellini has nothing to fear from your quarter, Randal. This is interesting, but you need to work in a love triangle or maybe an inner Oedipal conflict in Bear.

The term "Snowpocalypse" has possibilities, though. Especially hereabouts after what we experienced in November and February.

Susan Tiner said...

Ash in your mouth? I had no idea you were observant. Welcome to Lent, hopefully there will be no more snow.

Demeur said...

Japan suffers from one of the largest earthquakes in history. It may be sending a cloud of radioactive fallout our way and this is the best you can do? Pffft! Better do better than that. A little snow melts in a few weeks he said rearing back with his rotten tomato.

Randal Graves said...

if, hungry hungry hippos.

susan, don't forget the delicious vending machine fare housed in our beautiful brutalist lobby.

SWA, 'twas a half-act play, sir, a minimalist gut shot is the goal, & I think achieved. Snowpocalypse scares you, doesn't he.

susan t, I decided to give up not giving up.

demeur, what if radioactive fallout bring back a killer tomato attack? Is the world honestly ready for a fourth sequel?

Anonymous said...

Thanks to my father who shared with me concerning this blog, this weblog is in fact awesome.
my web page: http://www.eventsandweddingwishes.com/

Anonymous said...

I don't know whether it's just me or if perhaps everybody else experiencing problems with your blog.
It appears as if some of the written text
in your content are running off the screen. Can
somebody else please comment and let me know if
this is happening to them too? This may be a problem with my browser because I've had this happen before. Cheers
Here is my blog post :: rainbowcottoncandy.com

Anonymous said...

Great blog right here! Additionally your web site a lot up very fast!

What web host are you the usage of? Can I get your associate link to your host?
I want my website loaded up as quickly as yours lol
My blog :: How-We-Work

Anonymous said...

Great blog right here! Additionally your web site a lot up very fast!
What web host are you the usage of? Can I get your associate
link to your host? I want my website loaded up as quickly as yours lol
Also see my site: How-We-Work

Anonymous said...

You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be actually something which I think I would never understand.
It seems too complex and very broad for me.

I'm looking forward for your next post, I'll try to get the hang of it!
Feel free to visit my page ; http://www.popflops.com/

Anonymous said...

Ahaa, its pleasant discussion concerning this paragraph here at
this blog, I have read all that, so at this time
me also commenting here.
Stop by my web blog : Acupuncture Effectiveness

Anonymous said...

Remarkable! Its truly awesome article, I have got much clear idea concerning from this article.
Feel free to surf my blog post :: Dryer Vents

Anonymous said...

I don't drop a leave a response, but I read some of the responses on this page "Who is driving? Oh my God, bear is driving! How can that be? A Play In One-Half Act". I do have a couple of questions for you if you tend not to mind. Is it only me or do a few of these remarks appear as if they are coming from brain dead people? :-P And, if you are posting at additional places, I would like to keep up with anything fresh you have to post. Could you post a list of every one of your shared sites like your Facebook page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile?
Feel free to surf my page 11 Inch balloons

Anonymous said...

Greate pieces. Keep writing such kind of info on your
blog. Im really impressed by your blog.
Hey there, You've done an excellent job. I'll certainly digg it and personally recommend to my friends.
I'm sure they'll be benefited from this site.
my web site > ASSI PLAZA

Anonymous said...

An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a friend who has been doing a little research on
this. And he in fact bought me dinner because I stumbled upon it for him.
.. lol. So let me reword this.... Thank YOU for
the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending some time to discuss
this issue here on your website.
Feel free to visit my web site ; San Street

Anonymous said...

Hi there it's me, I am also visiting this web page daily, this website is actually good and the users are truly sharing nice thoughts.
Feel free to visit my blog unforked.com

Anonymous said...

you're really a just right webmaster. The website loading speed is incredible. It sort of feels that you are doing any distinctive trick. In addition, The contents are masterpiece. you have performed a wonderful activity in this subject!
my web site :: hpv Virus Treatment

Anonymous said...

With havin so much content and articles do you ever run into any
issues of plagorism or copyright infringement?
My website has a lot of exclusive content I've either created myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my permission. Do you know any techniques to help stop content from being ripped off? I'd really
appreciate it.
my site > 3dwise.co.uk

Anonymous said...

Having read this I believed it was rather informative.
I appreciate you finding the time and energy to put this informative article
together. I once again find myself personally spending way
too much time both reading and posting comments. But so what, it was still worthwhile!
Feel free to visit my web site - www.cafepress.com

Anonymous said...

Hey! I realize this is somewhat off-topic but I needed to ask.

Does running a well-established website like yours
require a massive amount work? I'm brand new to operating a blog however I do write in my journal every day. I'd like to start a blog so I
can easily share my own experience and feelings online. Please let me know
if you have any ideas or tips for new aspiring bloggers.
Appreciate it!
Also visit my blog http://www.voicewinds.com

Anonymous said...

excellent points altogether, you just won a new
reader. What may you recommend about your put up
that you just made a few days in the past? Any sure?
Here is my weblog : UniQ Workstations

Anonymous said...

I got this web page from my friend who told me concerning this website and
now this time I am visiting this website and reading very informative content at this
time.

Here is my web site personal injury attorney

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the good writeup. It in truth used to be a enjoyment account it.

Look advanced to more introduced agreeable from you! However,
how can we be in contact?

My page journals.fotki.com