Monday, February 4, 2008

I predict this post will suck.














I predicted that the Browns would win the 1986 AFC title. I was wrong.
I predicted that the Browns would win the 1987 AFC title. I was wrong.
I predicted that the 57-win Cavs would get by Chicago. I was wrong.
I predicted that I'd never get married. I was wrong.
I predicted that I'd never have kids. I was wrong.
I predicted that we'd beat Atlanta in the World Series. I was wrong.
I predicted that we'd beat Florida in the World Series. I was wrong.
I predicted that Al Gore would be the next president. I was wrong.
I predicted that the Indians wouldn't win the division in 2007. I was wrong.
I predicted that Rudy! would be the Republican nominee. I was wrong.

Notice a theme?

I predicted that the Patriots would wallop the Giants. I was wrong.

I predict that the next president will be a Republican.

Come on, cosmos, you know what to do.

21 comments:

Mary Ellen said...

Do you think you could predict that I'll never win the lottery? I'd appreciate that very much. ;-)

My Inner French Girl said...

Er, I think that if you deliberately try and predict what you don't want to happen, the gods will decide to have wicked fun with you and throw a Republican in the White House. Take it back! Take it back! Please!

Salut,
Marjorie

Swinebread said...

I predict that John McCain is not insane!

Betty C. said...

I predict I will feel sick during most of this presidential campaign... Better hope we get a Dem in for 2008...

FranIAm said...

I predict that while your predictions may not get any better your blog improves regularly.

As a predictor you may suck but as a write you got mad skillz.

Tom Harper said...

I'm pretty bad at predicting things too. Maybe we've got something here.

I predict the neocons will stay in the White House after '08, whatever it takes. I predict our invading army will be greeted as liberators in Iran, Syria, Pakistan, Venezuela...

Who Hijacked Our Country

TomCat said...

Randal, as much as I hate to see you on a bad roll, DON'T you dare pick this time to be right.

I added you to my blogroll. Pardon the delay, which has been too long. I've been swamped.

La Belette Rouge said...

Don't feel bad, psychic ususally end up in bad parts of town in run down psychic shacks---see that value of a lack of intuitve skills. And, not sure how good you would look in a swammy hat.;-)

pissed off patricia said...

Regarding your last prediction, I hope in this case your non-luck holds out. God, I don't want to even think about four or eight years with McInsane as prez.

Liberality said...

I hope you're wrong about that last prediction too!

Dean Wormer said...

My prediction involves Jessica Alba, Barry White and a feather.

(Crosses fingers...)

Fade said...

Hey Randal, if you ever feel the need to place a substantial bet on sports, let me know...

Randal Graves said...

ME, sorry, I'm winning it first. ;-)

Marjorie, but what if I predict that a Dem wins and then one doesn't! This is as bad as that scene in The Princess Bride!

swinebread, great, now he's going to bomb TWO countries.

betty, better hope the Rep doesn't decide to invade you guys!

fran, I predict that you will realize that was a little white lie, but thanks!

tom harper, well Hugo Chavez IS the greatest threat to democracy since Sadd - I mean Ahmen - er, Hitler!

tomcat, if I'm right about that, well I don't want to think about it. And thank you sir!

LBR, you don't think those are fashionable? Shit, I had one picked out for work tomorrow, too.

POP, I'm noticing that many see The Maverick® as potentially nuts.

liberality, believe me, so do I!

dean, oh no, you're not going to go grave robbing, are you?

fade, hey, I've won some, two or three every few decades.

La Belette Rouge said...

Randal: You got me laughing out loud until I snorted in laughing hysteria!!!That was good!!!LOL! :-D

Kvatch said...

Dude! You've so nailed that last one!

Freida Bee said...

On behalf of future generations, we appreciate your predictive ploy. I hope it works, for all of our sakes. I'm sure, now that you've put this in writing, that you'll get the praises you so clearly deserve when it comes (wink, wink) to pass.

Dr. Zaius said...

Being consistantly wrong is as statistically impossible as being consistantly right. You are the next Uri Geller!

My Inner French Girl said...

Dear Randal, I have conflicting feelings about that film. When I was in college, my youngest bro had the crazy idea of running away on the last night of spring semester in college. Fine, except he didn't leave a note or anything, so for a few days, our whole family frantically searched for him all over Dallas and College Station (where he was going to school), thinking he had been kidnapped or killed or worse.

Anyhoo, a few days after his disappearance, my other brother rec'd a postcard in the mail with just this message: "My name is Inigo Montoya. You have killed my father. Prepare to die." I. Freaked. Out. Until my other brother reassured me that it was just a line from their favorite film, I thought it was some kind of cryptic message he was sending about his whereabouts. Hardy har har. What a comedian.

Anyway, happy ending. He came back home a week later and is now a well-paid computer manager in Dallas with a big house and beautiful wife and God knows how many cats. Still, it took me about 15 years to get up the courage to watch that movie without reliving those awful days.

As it turned out, it was an okay film. Maybe you had to have watched it when it first came out, but I don't share my brothers' reverence for it. Still, I loved Mandy Patinkin in it. And the guy who keeps whining, "Inconceivable!" B. and I love quoting that one.

Okay, I said I wouldn't chat politics. BUT. Damn, is this the most exciting, nerve-wracking race ever or what???

Salut,
Marjorie

Randal Graves said...

Yikes, I can see why it's not on your top ten list. That's a hell of mindfuck to pull on someone. And the inconceivable! guy was Wallace Shawn, one of the greatest supporting roles in movie history. Pure genius!

Well, my candidates are long gone, so I'm not sure I'd qualify it as exciting - maybe as one giant mess. ;-)

My Inner French Girl said...

Dear Randal,

My favorite part is where Mandy Patinkin looks at him quizzically and says something like, "Why do you keep saying that word? I don't think it means what you think it means." Heeee-larious.

Salut,
Marjorie

Spartacus said...

RG...whether your groove is Social Distortion or Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes, it appears to me that you've hit a string of bad luck. So please STFU about about the next president being Republican...you never know when your luck will change.