Sunday, February 3, 2008

Subpar Bowl?

Ah, memories.

N.Y. Giants (13-6) vs. New England (18-0): Since the dawn of free agency back in the early 1990s, we've had more close and entertaining Super Bowls than not when compared to the heyday of NFC dominance. Sure, there's the occasional ass-whipping here and there, but that usually results from an odd set of circumstances - Oakland imploding in the face of their former coach, Chucky; the Bears inexplicably making the game with insanely hot-and-cold quarterback play that became as frigid as the equator is not. And since we're on the subject of oddities, even The Other Manning has been playing quite well of late -- a little too well if you ask me. Zoinks!

Comparing positions head-to-head is kind of stupid - the New England offensive line isn't going against the New York offensive line - but the Patriots win nearly every personnel grouping, save defensive line, and even then they have the potential to match Michael Strahan, Osi Umenyiora and company. Their entire roster is so goddamn deep and comes out ahead in nearly every conceivable matchup of strategery.

The Giants' big weakness is their secondary, and Randy Moss' disappearing act notwithstanding - it's a non-issue people - there's a reason why the Patriots scored 589 points, they spread the fucking ball around - why am I using so many hyphens? - Belichick will use every weapon at disposal, air or ground. He's not the best game-day coach in NFL history for nothing. Would've been nice if he had been a bit sharper in the personnel department while here, though. Really, Todd Philcox? But I digress...

Thus, barring some miracle of miracles - Tom Brady getting Theismann-ized and Matt Cassel tossing half-a-dozen picks - there really is no way the Giants can win. Bah-ston won't brutalize you on defense like the 1985 Bears - still the best single-season team I've personally witnessed - but simply outscore you. James Bond, Jrs. 34-20.

So, if those fuckers win...

...the Good: the 1972 Dolphins can finally shut the fuck up.

...the Bad: the 2007 Patriots are only beginning to talk.

...the Ugly: yet another professional sporting season will have passed where the 1948 Browns garner zero recognition. Yet another professional sporting season will have passed where a Cleveland team won jack shit. You know, this is getting tiresome. Come on NBA, you stepped in when Ted Stepien was fucking things up, can't you do it again and force the Nets trade Jason Kidd here for a measly second round pick? We have the best player in his sport for the first time since Jim Brown was bowling over defenders before Lee Marvin came calling and I can't help but feel LeBron's presence will end up being wasted. Then, once his contract is up, the bright lights of the big city come calling and it's back to years of 28-54.

At least Johan Santana is out of the fucking league, so that makes things a bit easier for the baseball team with the worst logo in professional sports. Now, if the Browns can only find a mighty defensive tackle -- oh, don't mind me, I'm just wallowing in my natural state of sporting misery.


Mary Ellen said...

I hope the Pats lose....big.

Anonymous said...

You know RG, I want to agree with you about the Giants and Pats. The Pats on paper have the better team hands down, yet their 38-35 victory at Giants Stadium speaks volumes of how good the Giants can be. They looked awful against the Cowboys and Packers in the regular season and, yet, found a way to win. I'm just sayin''s the intangibles that win this game and right now this Giants team seem to have that. The Pats better bring their "A" game today because anything less will make them 18-1.

As for Johan Santana, is it the Indians or the Mets that have the worst logo in sports? Hmmm. Personally, I like the interlocking orange NY that came from the NY Giants and the royal blue background from the Brooklyn Dodgers. I think Johan will look really good wearing those colors.

Dr. Zaius said...

Forget the game. Michelle Obama is on CSPAN!

Randal Graves said...

ME, sorry, they won't.

spartacus, oh no, the Giants CAN win, but the Patriots would have to all be self-destruct. You don't think Belichick has these dudes ready? Sure, he pulled the big upset in 2001, but Mike Martz is an atrocious gameday coach.

As for the logo, I meant that Chief Wahoo is about as racist as it gets. We really should go back to being called the Spiders. ;-) Santana is huge. If he stays healthy, the Mets have to be the favorites in the NL East, at least.

Dr. Zaius, football is real, politics is a fantasy! Wait, I like me some fantasy, but the Holy Church of the Spheroid is calling and I must obey. Time to warm up some pizza rolls!

Mary Ellen said...

Randal- Man, you really know how to hurt a gal. Meanie.

FranIAm said...

I hate football. I don't understand it, don't want to.

Go ahead, hold that against me!

Distributorcap said...


Mary Ellen said...

Ha! Never underestimate the power of Sister Mary Ellen at 8:00 pm Mass praying for the Giants!

Callin' out around the world
Are you ready for a brand new beat?
Super Bowl's here and the time is right
For dancin' in the streets
They're dancin' in Chicago
Down in New Orleans
Up in New York City

All we need is music, sweet music
There'll be music everywhere
There'll be swingin', swayin' and records playin'
And dancin' in the streets


Anonymous said...

RG - I won't gloat, but I told you so. In an evenly played game, it came down to the team that wanted it more. Manning to Tyree! That play was all heart.

Megan said...

A little wallowing never hurt nobody. I'll do mine here and now, since I'm here...

The sick and sorry thing is that I have been complaining for two years about having to watch the Giants in the early game what seemed like every week (with San Diego vs. Denver/Oakland/KC for the second course, whoop de freaking doo) and yet, I am glad they won today.

I hope they make Tiki stuff it up his Project Runway trousers.

Even more sick and sorry is that after this furor dies down, it's back to all-Laker-trade, all-the-time 'round here.

Until Spring Training and Torre Talk starts...

pissed off patricia said...

The Giants won. Yawn!

I found it hard as hell to give a damn about the game since it was all northeast teams, so about half way into the first quarter I fell asleep.

I did see Michelle Obama speak and she is such a great speaker. I would vote for her alone.

Randal Graves said...

fran, you know I will, blasphemer!

ME, so if your prayer junk works, how about conjuring up a little bit o' holy verse for a Cleveland team, huh? Browns vs. Bears Super Bowl? ;-)

spartacus, hey, it's not like I was rooting for the Patriots, I was just playing the odds. ;-) They did seem to want it more, even Moss said they couldn't match their intensity. I'm still shocked, frankly. I don't think people realize what a HUGE upset this is, 18-0 or not. Biggest win differential in playoff history, biggest differential in average margin of victory. I just wish it wasn't New York. You guys win enough crap as it is. Well, at least you have the Knicks!

megan, hey don't worry, the rest of the country doesn't want to hear about the Lakers either. Kobe and Phil in the Finals? The thought makes me want to vomit in terror.
Then again, so do the Yankees. ;-)

POP, if the Dems were running a toaster, they'd get my vote. What bothers me is that whomever gets in, Hillary or Obama, that that'll be the end of investigations and such so we can 'move forward.' I'm sick of that because it only gives rise to more lunacy. The corporate press will go "hey, if THEY want to move on, WE'LL move on." Then we get Reagan and Bush and whatever monster they run in 2012. So, yay, Dems. Woo. Anyone seen Miers or Rove?

Can't disagree with you about the NE flavor of this thing.

Mary Ellen said...

I think God is tired of my whining about sports, but I'll give it a shot. I think he just felt sorry for me last night because I drove through a friggin' blizzard and missed the last half of the game to make it to Mass last night.

My Inner French Girl said...

Oh, so there was a football game yesterday?


La Belette Rouge said...

For one tiny second when I saw this picture I thought it was Rodger Fedderer and I was really -really happy ;-)

TomCat said...

And now the acolytes of the Church of the Ellipsoid Orb mourn for seven months, until the light of the Orb shines again in September. :-(

Randal Graves said...

ME, hey, that's what you get for following that false religion instead of the Church of the Ellipsoid Orb. (actually, I AM glad you made it through the snow)

Marjorie, hardee har, wait, hang on - har. ;-)

LBR, you will see a post about tennis on this blog when I see one about football on yours. ;-)

tomcat, February, that cruelest of months. At least the draft isn't that far off!

fairlane said...

Turns out my prediction was correct.

Redwings 4 Patriots 2

Zetterburg 2G 1A

Bellychick- 10 minutes in the box for crying, "Wah my pussy hurts."