Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I'm so excited!

Wow! Both Tweety --

















-- no, the other one --














-- and Pumpkinhead --













-- no, the other one --

















-- listen, asshole, the other asshole --













-- thank you. Sheesh. Those two Manly Men of Aqua Velva Reporting Manliness, complete with Codpiece accessory, will be in my hometown, not all that far from where I live and work!

Be right back, I have to go projectile vomit and find an American flag lapel pin. That's how we knew Larry Craig's wide stancing gay bathroom sex and David Vitter's deviant diapering were patriotic acts: they had on their lapel pins. I don't want to be labeled as a commie pinko homo Hitleristic jihadist while I watch the debate with my equally commie pinko homo Hitleristic jihadist wife and our children, a future squadron of the suicide bomber corps of that Unholy Imam, Barack Hussein Osama.

P.S. This great American will be here too!














Who's a fan of this even greater American!






















Why am I telling you this? In case the concentration of such gooey stupidity in one place coagulates into some blob-like creature that decimates the surrounding environs, you'll know why Cleveland will have disappeared off the face of the planet.

Update!
For a list of quality questions compiled by tomcat that in no way, size, shape or form, whether magic circle, cube, cylinder, trapezoid, dodecahedron or other assorted polygon, will be asked by Pumpkinhead -- or any talking hairpiece for that matter -- go here.

21 comments:

FranIAm said...

I think that if that cast of characters is there, you must set off some higher level of terrorist alert!!

Either that your you can just unleash Cthulhu...

And by the way- human? What led you to believe that I am human?

Freida Bee said...

Randal, I am glad you have an equally commie pinko homo Hitleristic jihadist wife . Somehow, that gives me comfort.

I couldn't park the day of the debates here last week and missed a class (my son had a dental appt. and I was counting on our student parking garages that day. silly me.)

Maybe if you hang out in some restrooms, though, you can get you some.

Dean Wormer said...

Why am I telling you this? In case the concentration of such gooey stupidity in one place coagulates into some blob-like creature that decimates the surrounding environs, you'll know why Cleveland will have disappeared off the face of the planet.


Beware of The Blob, it creeps And leaps and glides and slides across the floor.

Right through the door and all around the wall.
A splotch, a blotch.
Be careful of The Blob.


Just stay out of movie theaters and television studios and you'll be okay.

okjimm said...

//Cleveland will have disappeared off the face of the planet.//

Shit&stuff! I thought it already had?!

Ah, hang in there. The Primaries are God's way of punishing America for thinking we have a Democracy.

March is a good month- not only does Ohio get to vote on Much-Ado-About-Nothing, but it is also Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Month, Deaf History Month, Frozen Food Month and lastly, Mirth Month.

Angie said...

My husband's hometown is Cleveland and many members of his family live there. I have called and begged them to get out of town, at least for the next day or two. Randal, I think you and the wife should grab the kids and run. There is no escaping a gooey-blob creature like that. For your own safety please. The blob does not care if you have a patriotic lapel pin on or not! Just run!

Randal Graves said...

fran, you're not one of those outer space, Star Trek chicks who go around causing naughty havoc, are you?

FB, after what happened the last time I went looking for action in the ladies' room? No thanks, three restraining orders are enough.

dean, we're about due for a remake, aren't we? Though there was that horrid Kevin Dillon version from the late 80s. Oh hell, I'll just film the resulting carnage here. Should warrant me an Oscar for best documentary.

okjimm, we're not completely gone. We do have quite an extensive library system. Which is the perfect foil to the lack of economic growth and housing foreclosures. More free time = more reading!

Frozen food? It's time for TV dinner jokes!

angie, but the nice GOP operative told me that such a lapel pin is a talisman against Evil® - you know, hippies - and also a beacon to the Super Magical Jesus Baby, who'll fly in on his enchanted unicorn to do battle with such a dastardly creature.

I hope you're not telling me that a Republican would lie. Oh, there goes my worldview....

C.J. said...

OMG!!

Run for the hills! Save yourselves!!

FB, after what happened the last time I went looking for action in the ladies' room? No thanks, three restraining orders are enough.

I don't think any of these guys ever look for action in the (ahem) ladies room.

Jess Wundrun said...

Let us know if the psychrometer drops a few points when they're all in town. After all it's not the heat it's the stupidity

Tom Harper said...

Enjoy the show. It should be good for a few laughs.

Randal Graves said...

cj, who knew the wingnuts were right and we should have been stocking up on canned goods, ammunition and duct tape!

And no, I don't think many of them do. Does a unisex bathroom count?

jess, funny you should say that. I think Tweety must've just left his hotel room because the wind has suddenly added a significant punch and it's tossing the white stuff everywhere.

tom, I'll probably watch a few on the teevee, but I'm more concerned about the Anti Wingnut Smear Machine kicking into gear. We ran a cracker blueblood last time. It's going to get really fucking ugly.

kimono hime said...

Stuff like this makes me glad I live in the middle of nowhere. The only time we see politios here is when they go fishing or want to feel up their vacationing pals for a little spare cash, and even then they do it outside of city limits.

Randal Graves said...

Imagine living in that eater of souls, DC. Night of the Living Dead, every night. Dawn of the Dead, every morning. Ugh.

okjim said...

// We do have quite an extensive library system. //

Shit & whiskers!! A great library system.....and a brew pub.....two of my favorite places on earth.


gimmee a moment and I might remember the other two....

ah, a Peace-a joint, sausage with extra snark and....

well, there must be another good place

Becca said...

My heart goes out to you man...ugh to even be that close to those morons would destroy a few brain cells.

DCup said...

Hasn't Cleveland been through enough?

I mean the snow, of course.

Spartacus said...

Cleveland rocks. And I have pictures to prove it... LOL!

pissed off patricia said...

Just checking in to see if you survived the battle. Could you see steam rising from the building where the debate was held? I slept through the whole thing so I'm at the mercy of re-runs and others opinions to find out how it went.

Randal Graves said...

okjimm, yikes, what's with all the Cleveland hate? There's that one bar on East 133rd that serves those drinks, don't you remember? Flaming Moe's!

becca, me think it ready all happening. can tell you?

dcup, hell, my damn kids are off again today. Yeah, there was some snow and the roads were kind of funky, but this is fucking Cleveland. Sheesh. It's winter. It snows.

spartacus, you keep those pictures to yourself, man!

POP, luckily, I walked in nearly the opposite direction of that unholy and blasphemous meeting of television wankery to catch my bus home. So I think I avoided most of the radioactive fallout from Tweety's hair.

Dean Wormer said...

dean, we're about due for a remake, aren't we? Though there was that horrid Kevin Dillon version from the late 80s.

Dunno. It's hard to beat Steve Fucking McQueen.

Randal Graves said...

I didn't articulate that well, did I. I'm with you on the whole "Steve McQueen will fuck your shit up," I just figure that Hollywood loves to remake stuff to make a quick buck.

Candace said...

OMG, Randal, this post made me laugh out loud again and again! It's great to be back on the tubes and reading my favorite blogs again.