Sunday, February 10, 2008

Oh the pain, the pain of it all!

Once upon a time, I waxed stupid on some things that I love. Maintenant, I can do nothing but let that sentimentality pass into the overflowing dustbin of history and, in the grand and majestic tradition of dour romanticism nearly choked to death by the commercialized, shining gunk of the upcoming holiday, drown in abject misery now that The Church of the Ellipsoid Orb* is discontinuing worship services for a few months.

Oh, sure, through streams of painful tears I hear their claim that they'll reopen soon enough, and indeed I know they will, but -- and yet -- sniff -- sigh. No, I will remain strong. In fact, stronger than strong. Stronger than Army Strong®. Stronger even than Chuck Nor -- oh no, no fucking way I'm going there. Every Sunday, I'm going to settle in my Homer-esque ass groove and be zombiefied by something nearly as groovy. Pass the chips. Hey, don't use all the dip! Greedy fuckers.

One last thing: Messrs. Anderson, Winslow, Cribbs, Thomas and Edwards, please, please, please, please, please, please, please don't blow out a knee today. Thanks.

*coined by tomcat, patent pending


Dean Wormer said...

Ah, but b-ball is nowhere near as fun as football.

It'll have to do, however.

Mary Ellen said...

Hey, at least you guys don't have Joakim Noah, the spoiled brat French kid, on your team. I'd like so slap that dramatic bastard's face every time I see him. He got away with all his baby tantrums when he played in Florida in college and tried to pull it on the Bull's. He was suspended a bunch of games at the insistence of his own team, which means you KNOW they're sick of his snot nosed diva attitude.

La Belette Rouge said...

Oh, silly me, I thought once the super bowl was over you would start sharing your poetry every day. Now we have basketball! I vote for your poetry instead( no one has ever blown a knee writing poetry);-)

Anonymous said...

FYI: I don't like basketball either.

Tom Harper said...

"Stronger than Army Strong" -- hey, our government can use you over there in Eye-rack. Join the Fight For Freedom.

Who Hijacked Our Country

Randal Graves said...

dean, agreed, but we need something to do between now and training camp. I suppose I could spend time improving myself, but ha ha to that.

ME, for all of Noah's faults, perhaps those assclowns could learn a thing or two about intensity. They went from one the best defensive teams in the NBA to a sieve. And I hope you guys enjoy paying Ben Wallace mad money for a bucket and 7-9 rebounds a game. I know I enjoy it. ;-)

LBR, I tore some ligaments in my hand once with this brutal sonnet. Perhaps later this week I might just because you asked so nicely. ;-)

colleen, blasphemer!

tom, sure, just let me finish this case of Cheetos.

Anonymous said...

RG, walk in my shoes a while and try to imagine a world where in, NYC, basketball is irrelevant. Isiah Thomas has run the Knicks into the ground and there hasn't been a sniff of tournament play (outside the NIT) for any NY-area based colleges. St. John's, Hofstra? Fordham? Manhattan? They all suck.

To quote the old timer Chico Escuela (the Garrett Morris character from the early SNL days):

"Beisbol been bery, bery goo to me.."

Pitchers and catchers report 2/15/08.

Randal Graves said...

spartacus, my friend, about the only city I can possibly have any sporting sympathy for is Buffalo. You just won a Super Bowl. You'll manage to deal with the Knicks. Well, maybe not. They are pretty much a joke. ;-)

TomCat said...

Fear not, Brother. After we have been chilled by winter's frost, revived in the warmth of spring, and purged in Summer heat, the glory of the Orb shall shine forth once again!