Greetings and salutations, fellow travelers,2. State reason for your extended absence
please excuse my extended absence as I was [sicker than a dog/3. State how you will rectify the situation
copulating with the spouse/ watching eXtenze infomercials] which completely threw a wrench into my plans to [read/ further expand world domination goals/ stare into space] so I decided to [lay on the couch all weekend and watch Millennium/ dabble in Satanism/ practice paper football accuracy].
In the future, I promise to [do nothing/I'm still feeling a bit under the weather, as opposed to over it, which would be kind of cool because then you wouldn't have cloud cover and the artificial light of human civilization blocking stargazing, if one is so astronomically-inclined. Anyway, it's a special moment here chez Randal as I'd like to present to you gentle creatures the first ever guest blogger at this woefully unimpressive site, so put your hands together and pray, no, clap, for Captain Obvious!
log on and engage in deep research for a hard-hitting political post/ log on and praise your greatness]. [insert deity here] bless you all.
Thank you, Randal!
Pie is good!
Ice cream is delicious!
The Browns suck!
Up, up and off to some other location!