Monday, December 29, 2008

This, that and the other thing MMVIII

Post about the Browns? And soul-destroying stat lines like --


I'd prefer sticking to more lighthearted fare, if you don't mind.

It's always nice to disconnect for a weekend knowing that when you do climb back in the tubes, you'll return to riotous humor:

As the clock winds down on the Bush administration, historians and critics are coming to grips with how little they know about some of the scandals which helped make the president one of the least popular leaders in modern U.S. history.
Imagine how hilariously heart stopping it'll be when they find out just how deep such blasphemy goes and, for the 974,335,418th time, the filthy commie hippies will have been proven right and for the 974,335,418th time, the filthy commie hippies will subsequently be ignored and then the military/industrial/entertainment/pragmatist complex's favorite game will repeat for the 974,335,419th time. I just hope the teevee robots have hair as cool as Rod the Helmet.

Speaking of hilarity, how 'bout those little scamps over in the Middle East?
Israel continued pounding targets in the Gaza Strip with airstrikes on Monday and Hamas-backed militants fired a new volley of rockets at the Israeli towns of Ashkelon and Sderot as the current round of hostilities entered a third day.
Israel and Hamas, I'm impressed. No, seriously. All we did was clumsily invade a nation -- granted, in order for our best and brightest to make off with gobs of loot, thereby, along with other unregulated shenanigans, sending the economy into a delicious spiral so the best and brightest can make off with even more gobs of loot, so give us some credit -- whereas you two keep the visceral horror going every second of every day of every year because who knows what real or imagined slight, which can descend from above or manifest in front of you at any time, will send limbs 'a flyin' and blood 'a spatterin'. Kudos.

So, in the spirit of the holidays where all of creation is bound together in some clichéd crap, here's my message to you, brothers, sisters, amoebas:

Oh, and Philly? Thanks.


pissed off patricia said...

The video was lovely and I know it came straight from your heart.

Oh, my Cowboys got their little cowboy asses handed to them yesterday in a great big way. Then to top it off, Jones says he will keep the grandpa coach on another year. I send the message of the video to Jerry Jones and all his ilk.

susan said...

We've given the world such strange examples of how people should behave it's hard to comprehend.

Übermilf said...

If everyone in the world followed my example, they'd be full of French Toast and sitting around in their pajamas and the world would be a much happier place.

Bubs said...

Yes, a heartfelt greeting.

And that Philadelphia game was a thing of beauty, wasn't it?

Randal Graves said...

POP, someone has to do the caring around here. Win or lose, Wade always looks completely lost on the sideline. It's very comical.

Is Calvin Johnson the best player in the NFL? 1331 yards, 12 touchdowns and a 17.1 average on that team?

susan, it's funny if you don't think about it too much. Then when you do think about it, throw stuff around your house. Make sure it's Nerf, or you'll have to replace everything.

übermilf, so what you're saying is that in addition to guns or butter, there's a third option of French toast?

bubs, I cried I was laughing so hard. I'm thinking about calling Vegas to see the odds on exactly when Owens throws the other 52 guys under the bus. I give him a couple of weeks.

Anonymous said...

One country's invasion is another country's what?

Oh, fuck. I'm just annoyed.

dguzman said...

I just KNEW you couldn't NOT post about Philly.

At least you thoroughly depressed me beforehand. Thanks.

Randal Graves said...

dcup, Wolverines!

dguzman, and here you thought I was completely heartless.

My Inner French Girl said...

Dear Randal,

Don't you just love how Christmas brings out the best and worst in families? Even when we're talking about the global family? Gawd, we're all one big dysfunctional freaks, aren't we?

(a neat, stylish hippie commie)

okjimm said...

well, 2009 will be a better year. The Browns play the Packers. Should be a 0-0 tie

anita said...

PERHAPS we should send some of our "journalists" to journalism school to learn how to ask real questions and demand real answers and understand what their profession is all about.

Then they, the so-called Fourth Estate, wouldn't be so very clueless, careless, inept, corrupt, corrupting, mealy mouthed, cowardly, and just plain pitiful (and I'm talkin' to you here, David Gregory, amongst others, not to mention your mentor and predecessor, The Late T. Russert).

There was once, not so along ago, it seems, an understanding of the raison d'etre of The Fourth Estate.

Somebody Killed Woodward & Bernstein (the name of my next Broadway-bound blockbuster!!).

Christopher said...

End, football season, fucking end!

The end of football season means we're that much closer to warm weather, longer days and baseball season!

The end of football season can't come soon enough for moi.

Tom Harper said...

Mr. Clarence sums up my Christmas sentiments.

Now Little Georgie is almost out of the White House, so it's high time for you filthy commies hippies to quit picking on him :)

La Belette Rouge said...

I am so glad to see you are feeling well enough to enjoy all the misery of the world. ;-)

S.W. Anderson said...

Looking on the bright side, John McCain did not win the presidency, George W. Bush and Deadeye Dick Cheney will soon be out of jobs, the Detroit automakers aren't in bankruptcy, and the roof on my home hasn't collapsed under the weight of our record-breaking, back-breaking snow load (although the roof of a nearby supermarket did).

As for the Browns, they've got nowhere to go but up, right?

Notre Vie Juteuse said...

well said RG, well said.

Randal Graves said...

marjorie, are you saying we'd, as a group, be best served with a giant session on 6-mile high Sigmund Freud's couch?

okjimm, gotta go with the Packers, 7-0. You guys at least have the edge at quarterback.

anita, hey now, Russert the Enabler is dead, have you no respect for his family? For shame, for shame. Wait, he's been a corpse for awhile, I think we're allowed to cast aspersions at him.

Do Woodward and Bernstein travel through time and meet Rosencrantz and Guildenstern? 'cause that would be a cool book.

christopher, bah! A pox on such blasphemy! Blizzards! Overtime conference championships!

tom, can we at least make fun of his brush-cutting skills?

LBR, it's comfortable, like an old shoe with a hole in it so the icy slush gets inside. ;-)

SWA, you guys got that much snow? Well, if your roof does indeed collapse, I'm sure Johnny Mac would be more than happy to lend you one of his houses.

Up? I present to you, the Detroit Lions.

NVJ, thanks, but I'm still holding out hope that humanity will get it right one of these days. Why yes, I am on an acid trip, why do you ask?

okjimm said...

ooooh, what Anita said---

//Somebody Killed Woodward & Bernstein (the name of my next Broadway-bound blockbuster!!).//

I'll buy the movie rights, pre-publication, even. Howza two doughnuts and a six pack of beer sound? Deal?

Anonymous said...

I'm with Anita on journalism. In that vein, I'd like to add this...

Edward R. Murrow, where are you?

And, I've resisted the urge to not bash the Cowboys long enough. All I can say is BWAH HA HA HA HA!

Beach Bum said...

Sorry about being late on this one but a couple of bad days at home and work had me looking over the freighter schedules down at the port of Charleston.
But do you remember the comet strike on Jupiter that happened back in the 90's? Knew an politically liberal adjunct professor at the local community college that in a state of semi-bewilderment of the world back then voiced the opinion that God was giving us a warning by sending the comet into that planet. Haven't seen him for years but after all the shit of the last eight years nothing would surprise me now.

Randal Graves said...

okjimm, just make sure she only gets the jelly donuts. I need those custard ones!

spartacus, couldn't have happened to a nicer group of yokels. Man, I fucking hate The Fucking Cowboys.

BB, oh yeah, I remember. I still think that's how we'll meet our end. Lots of talk about setting up some kind of system to deal with comets and stray meteors but we'll have spent all the loot on all kinds of ways to blow each other up so all we'll be able to do is watch the fucker slam into the planet.

Sherry Peyton said...

Oh that peace on earth good will toward men is such a crock. It lasts all of about 32 minutes on Christmas eve. And then it's back to chit as normal.

Hey, nobody can say it worse than the Detroit LIONS. O-16 is a huge accomplishment. Only 51 years and counting since the last national championship. Ford is a queer duck and needs to sell this team to someone who cares.