Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Comfortably dumb

Childish scribblers, let me summarize --
no, I'm not here to proselytize,
but sprechen sie truth
and that's the honest to Satan's tooth!

Barack Hussein Obama
-- oh, save us from the drama! --
gave the bird, 'bout it, no maybe,
to the Super Magical Jesus Baby

by playing with the DNA
of his own and Rod the Helmet.
Crazy, ridiculous, mad, you say?
Here's a real scandal you won't soon forget:

one mutated stem cell sandwich,
a failure? No! A winner? Yes, victory!
Vilsack, you Monsanto bitch!
good job brewing zombie mobs of insanity

refusin' to disclose what they're hidin':
Hussein and Rod, twin fathers of Osama bin Laden!

Talking hairpieces, how 'bout that Kennedy chick?
Makes you wanna flic your Bic
and set fire to your toupee, teevee,
the house burnin' far as the eye can see!

What's the scourge of the nation?
Terrorism? Masturbation? No! The worst prestidigitation,
plastic gossip for your amusement:
diabolical, insidious infotainment!

You're either with the networks or agin' us
in this, Our Great Country!
Sorry, just tripped over the Stumbling Colossus --
being eaten by American nobility?

"Yeah, but what can you do or say?"
Oh, narcissistic fairy in the sky,
bringing freedom to Iraq was child's play.
So instead of Afghanistan, let us numb up Dubai!

So dance your happy dance, and when you're through
don't move a muscle, gonna throw my shoe.


Anonymous said...

Uh... hello? Is there anybody in there? Good. Just nod if you can hear me...

Bull said...

Hey, c'mon now! If there's one thing America really needs it's the strengthening of our petroleum/corn-based food chain! HFCS, E-coli and Lipitor for all...

Great work.

Betty C. said...

Hey, you're just about as good at writing rap lyrics as serious poetry! Go for it.

Now, though, didn't you think my Petula Clark comment was a little off the wall? I mean, I am one of your more grounded commenters.

What happened was thatI had gotten posts confused in my Google Reader and had thought you had written one...then I couldn't find it...but it is actually here in case you're interested:

And you might enjoy Elisabeth's blog if you have time to read one more....

Dean Wormer said...

You're either with the networks or agin' us
in this, Our Great Country!


But can we be FOR the parts of the networks that have great shows like Dancing With The Stars and against their news divisions at the same time?

La Belette Rouge said...

Hee-hee, Randal is Christmas rapping.:-)

Liberality said...

middle of the fucking road is not good enough for me. but Vilsack is not even middle of the road--he is Monsanto's bitch! (and I don't like that phrase because it's rape culture lingo but I'm all femi-nazi like that you know).

Utah Savage said...

I'm so worn out driving on the far right, middle of the road sounds good to me.

Now set this thing to music or on fire and then I'll come back to see.

susan said...

You mean there'll soon be a new national slogan - 'Hair today, Dubai tomorrow?' I like it.

Tom Harper said...

Wu Tang Clan wants to record your poem. But only if Caroline appears in the video.

Beach Bum said...

...being eaten by American nobility?

Yeah, getting a little sick seeing all dynastic shenanigans going on. Please will someone recommend some Joe Smoe to take a senate seat instead of some son, brother, or daughter of a former senator. Hell I heard something about Bill wanting Chelsea considered for Hillary's seat.

anita said...

whooaaa Randal!! or should i say:

YO. Randal. My Man. Wassup wassup wassUP??

You are SO multi-talented. Seriously.

I luv me some of this:

What's the scourge of the nation?
Terrorism? Masturbation? No! The worst prestidigitation,
plastic gossip for your amusement:
diabolical, insidious infotainment!

check it!


Our Juicy Life said...

RG - another fine post, found my head moving around to the beat! more please...

okjimm said...

You're one funny dude, dude! A regular Ogden Nash. Anyone who would think of a rhyme for Dubai gets a beer!

Randal Graves said...

spartacus, ground control to Major Tom...

bull, I'm still in mourning over the fact that my beloved Fig Newtons contain HFCS. Sniff.

betty, I think this post proves just how pasty-faced I am, because I assumed I had put up a crappy poem and you all seem to think it was a rap.

Ah, the explanation for your comment. I was beginning to think you were going mad. ;-)

dean, are you kidding? It would be a crime to not watch Warren Sapp boogie.

LBR, I know rhyming isn't all that popular since Lord Byron kicked the bucket, but, well, I guess this was a rap. Eminem, look out, here comes MC Randal. I need some parachute pants!

liberality, the thing that bugs me about non-middle of the road types getting told to be pragmatic is that if it wasn't for non-middle of the road types raising a ruckus, a hell of a lot less would be done. As for the language, vulgar, but I make no apologizes for its application to that joker.

utah, I should have brought my Strat down to work, I could've gone all Hendrix. With the fire, not the skillful playing.

susan, who wouldn't want to go to Dubai with their man-made islands and air conditioned beaches?

tom, I'll give Method Man a call, we can hook something up. But if there's dancing in it, gotta have Christopher Walken make an appearance.

BB, my friends, Joe the Plumber would make a great Senator.

"He's from Ohio, sir."

What about Tito the Builder?

"Might I suggest Rudy! the Crossdresser?"

anita, at least my apparent raps are less annoying than those of Robert Van Winkle. And I don't wear that horrid red, white and blue jacket. ;-)

OJL, Wu-Tang is currently on tour, perhaps I can sign up to be the opening act. Think death metal would go over well with the audience?

okjimm, weird rhymes gets me alcoholic beverages? Then more shall be on the way!

Border Explorer said...

When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I can't explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Just easier that way.
Except you, Randal, you keep raising my consciousness. Damn you. ;-)

Randal Graves said...

Through bad verse? Must not work on the writer 'cause mine is still low. ;-)

That song may be 'overplayed' but damn, is it good.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

GRAVES: You know what I love best about Wonder-Boy through all this? It's not the homophobia and the quasi-anti-Semitism. It's not the ultra-Right Wing politics. It's not the delicious irony that I'm a pacifist but REGISTERED for the DRAFT when called upon to do so and Obama the CHICKENHAWK didn't. No, all of those things are great but they aren't the case case.

The case case is that he's a PUTZ. He forgot for a second where his money came from. He forgot it came from HOLLYWOOD, WALL STREET and THE G-CENTER.

He forgot that he was carrying close to $200 million in money from gay Hollywood and gay Garmentos alone.

He bought the hype that he raised all his money in $10 internet contributions and community bakesales!

I saw his IQ finally. 139. Bright enough, I guess. No bigger than anyone's here on this thread.

The President-elect of the United States Of America is a stone-cold doofus and putz.

How funny is that?

KELSO'S NUTS said...

GRAVES: By the way, I've decided until this cretin The Big Pink People elected to be Reagan II in Big Sammy makes this right, please CONSIDER ME GAY.

I encourage anybody who's interested in civil right and civil liberties who's heterosexual to do the same. Stand with your LGBTQ brother and sisters.

This Obama and Warren duo have some fuckin nerve peddling bigotry and anti-science. Fuck him and his history bullshit sideways.

Doesn't that kind of get erased with the homophobia? And Warren's additional anti-Semitism.

Serial. Who the fuck cares about his skin color anymore now that we know he's a bigot and a chickenhawk?

Randal Graves said...

kelso, those are the gayest back-to-back comments ever.

What bothers me most - and this would normally register a classic gasp, but hear me out - isn't the fact that lunatic Warren is going to have an international platform (and no, I don't expect a circa 38 Hitler speech by any means) because Obama is a politician and therefore I, in my idealistic naiveté, distrust him, but the fact that I'm starting to see a backlash of Very Serious Pragmatism. Obama the Chessmaster, 72 moves ahead. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

So giving HIM that benefit should be expected, but giving Bush the benefit in 2001 was the height of folly? Look, we all know that Obama is going to likely be better than Bush and man I'm glad he'll be pretzeldent instead of McFossil who's still fightin' Nam, but we're all of the sudden supposed to NOT question anything Der Leader does, even if he's "one of ours," comical in itself because I'm not a rank-and-file Dem.

Yes, yes, the pres calls the shots and the underlings have to follow. But we can get hints of what his policy will be from WHO he chooses. For every Chu, there's a Vilsack.

If the center and the "left" whatever that means anymore, decides to march in lockstep behind Obama, suddenly and magically, all kinds of good things will happen and the racist homophobic warmonger party AKA Republicans will be awed by the massive display of discipline and the talking hairpieces will refrain from attacking like they did from 2000 up til now? C'mon.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

There is no "left" and never was. There's a RIGHT (Democrats) and a NATIONAL FRONT (Republicans). I'm not a partisan because I don't have the franchise but if I did I'd vote Green or Libertarian. No, I don't care that I'm "giving a vote to the Republicans" because I'm not. I'd be supporting the Green or Libertarian Parties.

Democrats now are pathetic the way their DIGGING being homophobic TOO. That's why I say, I've fucked over 150 broads in my life and I'm not done yet but I'M GAY UNTIL MAYBE THE LAST DEMOPUBLICAN DIES.

More pathetic than garden-variety Democrats are the White Guilty Liberal ones. You're a city kid like me. You know how Black people loathe WGLs.

But Obama's skin means jack-shit to me. I grew up with less money and more troubles than he did. I maybe deserved some BLACK LIBERAL GUILT lmjao!

It's good what you're laying down here in your mix of the arts, sports and real life not bullshit politics. I know that Obama's better than McCain. I've yet to see how Obama's different from Chimpy. And I KNOW that Rumsfeld is far more honorable than any of them.

So, you won't find me in lock step, which is why you never see me on any White ladies' blogs except Suzi Riot, Jewgirl and AXN.

Oh, I'll float the odd balloon now and then but it crashes and burns.

And no I'm not "GIVING HIM A CHANCE". Hes' been at it and I have results and decisions to work off of now.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

GRAVES: I do know a great many gay men and lesbians and I was taking a reading of the mood yesterday and it was UGLY. My bro Dave in the city who's poz said to me "I'm going to give the nigger one more chance."

I've heard other such things and I try to correct where I can because it's not Black people at all who are pushing this, Prop 8 figures notwithstanding. Most Black people I know enjoyed their triumphant MOMENT but always had preferred Kucinich or Paul's views to Obama's and are far more critical of Obama than Whites are. Yesterday, in phone and texts I heard far more Blacks saying "what the fuck is Obama doing?" than I did Whites.

So, what you have happening is an agenda created by BAD PEOPLE that a BAD PERSON (Obama) has willingly signed on to which is enabled by Spy vs Spy Democrats and Guilty White Liberals.

Distributorcap said...

you can give me my invocation.. and you can buy the naming rights to my blog

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Atheist. Not allowed to make that transaction with you by orders of your government.