grrr...Grrr...GRRR

Sexy Fran the Catholic Wizardess (yeah, I know it's not a word, but if you don't get the reference to one of my finest acting jobs ever, that's your goddamn loss) expressed her anxiousness at He Who Shall Not Be Named actually following through with my tag and filling out this meme.

After coming to grips with the fact that I'm still running on fumes post-wise, a sentiment wonderfully encapsulated here -- thank you sir, you're forgiven for being a fan of all things Bah-ston -- I used every last one of my connections to locate the location of the The Undisclosed Location®, managing, through much gnashing of teeth, not to mention sticky, coagulating pools of hours-old blood and putrefying flesh which is more difficult to scrape off the bottom of one's sneakers than you might think, to convince the most effective, fearless and patriotically patriotic vice president Murka has ever had to do just that for posterity, Red Dawn enthusiasts, Wayne Lapierre and the corpses of Ronald Reagan, Charlton Heston and Augusto Pinochet.

You're welcome, oh ye of little faith.


















"Get on with it, young man. I'm very hungry."

Er, yes sir.

1. Five names you go by: "The Angler, Unka Dick, Darth Cheney, The Lord of All Fevers and Plagues, Honeybunch. If you tell anyone about that last one, well, I'm sure you've heard of extraordinary rendition."

2. Three things you are wearing right now: "The skin of the last person I ate and a Salvatore Ferragamo Lynne got me last year for Christmas."

3. Two things you want very badly at the moment: "A steaming hot cup of coffee and George to get out of my hair so I can finally jack off to last week's batch of torture porn tapes from Syria. I know how I'm portrayed by you bastards in the liberal blogsophere, but I don't think I'm being too demanding, do you?"

4. Three people who will probably fill this out: "Hmm, three people with a lot of free time. McCain, Senator Tubes (I've got to hand it to you hippies, that's pretty funny. Sorry, Teddy) and George, if he gets some help."

5. Two things you did last night: "Continued coming up with strategies to fuck with Barack the Magic Negro -- thanks, Rush! Surprised we're leaving without a fuss? Don't be. First, we know you pansies won't dare prosecute us and second, think he'll be able to fix our carefully calculated misdeeds in four short years? With the media in our back pocket, you'll be clamoring for us soon enough. Oh, and listened to my man Manilow."

6. Two things you ate today: "A nice, piquant but slightly stringy third world refugee child and a Supersize Big Mac, fries and a Coke. Go fuck yourself, Lynne, you lesbian cunt, my ticker is just fine."

7. Two people you last talked to on the phone: "George and Chemical Ali. Sorry, old friend, we tried to get you off, but you know how the game is played.














As the Frenchies say, je voudrais manger maintenant."

I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying!

8. Two things you are going to do tomorrow: "Watch the new batch of torture porn tapes from abroad then take Lynne out to The Ground Round to celebrate the incredibly flimsy indictment against me being dropped."

9. Two longest car rides: "To the hospital after I shot Harry in the face. All he did was whine, whine, whine. Be glad it was buckshot, you candy ass. Now that I think about it, that was so annoying, it counts as two rides."

10. Two of your favorite beverages: "Human blood and prune juice. Keeps me regular."

A regular guy you are, sir. Joe the Vice President, one could say. Why are you looking at me like that? Er, thank you for helping contribute to the storied history of this great land, a beacon of freedom and justice to people of all races, creeds and beliefs on God's good earth. Of course except the Muslims, sir. Um, why won't this door open?

Oh, shit.