Tuesday, December 9, 2008

The Gleam, the Bad Penmanship and the Ugliness of Homo Sapiens XIII

"We have a 3-point lead with one minute to go. Ten defensive backs!"

The Gleam: Really? I'm guessing a sadistic, walking malpractice suit of a chainsaw-wielding heart surgeon wasn't available. Though in his defense, that fluke fumble on a pick runback in this game wasn't exactly his fault. I'm not going to talk about 1984-1988.

The Bad Penmanship: Though not indicative of my actual prose style which is far more vertical and cramped like the junk that I wedge into the cobweb-drenched corners of my skull but you understand given the limitations of Paint, it's barely legible in any case. Perhaps you youngins with your processed word technothingamajigs are on to something after all.

The Ugliness of Homo Sapiens: Scan the newsies, I'm sure you'll find something. My brain is fried after this weekend's scholarly marathon. And the paper still sucks Seven Wonders of the World-sized ass.

Up next: does it really matter? Not when the Cavs are destroying chumps to the tune of over 13 points/game. And the best part? LeBron doesn't have to play 48 minutes every night. That means hundreds of minutes of extra rest which further means don't hand that shiny ball to Kevin or Kobe just yet.


Anonymous said...

Forget the news...finish writing the paper and get it over with. The Browns, The Cavs and all sports teams that call Cleveland home need you to wallop them with a dollop of snark.

Randal Graves said...

No, the paper is done, which, admittedly, was kind of hard to decipher through my strange usage of the English language. And no snark towards the Cavs, this is fun to watch! The Clowns on the other hand....and what happened to your Giants?

Anonymous said...

Randal... I sense your relief in finishing the paper. Are we now onto bigger and better things like... say.... (add example here...) As far the Giants, if they were mine Plaxico would have been traded the day he asked to re-work his contract. That being said, they had the drops. Philly, like most teams this year, put 8 guys in the box and challenged Eli to beat them. Most games he has because his receivers made catches. There were lots of three and outs for the Giants. Oh well, Dallas lost so they get a playoff bye.

Utah Savage said...

This was your best sports post ever. No fucking pictures. Ha! You finally pissed of the gods that be over at Sports Photos R Us.

Randal Graves said...

spartacus, my man, I'm sure I'll post something tomorrow, but are you familiar with the concept of negative calories? I've got zip.

I should have watched that game instead of the Clowns. I wouldn't worry though, the Giants are still the class of the NFC, though after last year, nothing will surprise me.

utah, LeBron is going to be very sad when I tell him that he doesn't count as a sports picture.

There's a gleam, bloggers!

pissed off patricia said...

Ha! While you were writing, I was cleaning two sets of sliding glass doors, one set of french doors and another pane of french door glass beside the other french doors.

My back is killing me. How are you feeling?

Beach Bum said...

Not only are homo sapiens mire themselves in utter ugliness I don't believe ET has phoned us yet because we are not and intelligent species.
Plaxico Burress quickly comes to mind.

Übermilf said...

I thought I commented here.

I guess not.

Oh well.

It wasn't important anyway.

La Belette Rouge said...

Does this all mean the Browns lost?

anita said...

Funny what a Scholarly Marathon will do to one's penmanmship (hey, how come they don't call it 'penwomanship' ... i bet you have answer that one Randal!!).

Mais sérieusement. I was thinking, yesterday, in fact, about your wide-ranging scanning of the world for bizarre and seemingly inchohate (is that a word and if so am I using it correctly?) news and information.

And speaking as a person whose work, while it could never (in my instance at least) be called "scholarly" but is nonetheless extremely technical, needs to be very, very precise and the end product is just a sea of numbers, each one of which means something to somebody and every person who reads them will have an attitude toward me, the generator of those numbers (versus the numbers themselves which are what they are), I know that my own handwriting (see, I used NEITHER the word 'penMANship, nor penWOMANship ... I, Anita, believe in gender neutrality when it comes to discussions of these sorts) has gone completely down the tubes.

This is because, I believe, one can be controlled and precise for only so long before a circuit breaker goes off, or there's a major disconnect or misfire. So we need to let our brains rest and let the soft seas of mediocrity and, yes, laziness, envelope our straining brains. And then, a different kind of subjective genius can be let loose -- one where handwriting is irrelevant: just like what you do here at this blog.

So, bottom line is: you're OK Randal.

Randal Graves said...

POP, I'm just fine, thanks. Then again, I didn't waste my time cleaning glass. Muah.

BB, imagine our first encounter with an alien species, and they meet up with Bush and Burress.

übermilf, that's what I say every time I read one of my posts.

LBR, my long-winded way of saying that, yes.

anita, penmanship flows off the tongue better. I normally hate compliments but I love this one because it combines long-windedness, the faintest whiff of anger and/or frustration at the patriarchal world, dumbassery and truth that is shutting down the higher brain function for a moment lest we have a literal and/or figurative meltdown.

Inchoate is something that isn't fully formed yet or kind of disorganized. I think I have an inchoate blog.

I have a hard time picturing you working in numbers. I always think of boring accountants with weird glasses.

anita said...

that's the thing, randal!! although i am, admittedly, boring and do and always have had weird glasses, i've HATED math my entire life. i never got past algebra I in high school!

and here i am, a number cruncher. what a weird twisted turn of events that all turned out to be.

if there is a god (and i know many of you on the blogs believe there is not one), but if there IS one, he hates me. and i hate him.

so there.

Randal Graves said...

We like you, so who cares what that joker thinks. Even if you are a number cruncher. So when do we get to see the weird glasses?

KELSO'S NUTS said...

@ AXN: I leave open the possibility that god exists just like the Christians say and that HE looks just like he's supposed to on any of the plates on any copy of the fancy King James bible anywhere. I'm just ULTRA-ULTRA MISSOURI on it because the odds against that do "approach infinity".

As long as someone else's practice of their beliefs doesn't hurt me even in the most trivial way, I'm fine with it. As much as I despise him, I kind of what Rick Warren, one of Obama's main spirit guides, said on Hannity And Colmes when Colmes said that he was Jewish and asked if he was definitely going to hell for eternity for not accepting Jesus as supernatural and his savior. Warren instead of bullshitting in a PC way about it said "yes Alan as a Jew you're making a very high stakes bet that you're going to lose." I like that kind of directness. I like Pat Robertson's kind, too. I like to know where I stand.

I also like the way Roman Catholocism is practiced down here because they've made it basically Jesuit for everybody. They've taken all of the politics, prescription and proscription out of it. It's the law here same as in the US but it's REALLY THE LAW HERE. Moreover, the archdiocese likes it that way so the churches get worshippers who ENJOY taking mass and prayer and reading the bible, engaging in the discussions of the meaning of Jesus afterward and feel not guilty for being human. Most gay people I know here go pretty often, some even take mass every Sunday and don't feel excluded at all because homophobia's not part of the liturgy.

Judaism with the superstition, you can have. The traditions without the superstitions, I like. And I'm going to make a Bayesian statement here: I'm the MOST MISSOURI OF ALL on the idea that God wants luxury hi-rises and fancy country clubs with desert-friendly sprinkler-systems built for settlers next to tar paper shacks and people eating insects and out of garbage cans in the Occupied Territories.

Anonymous said...