Saturday, December 6, 2008

Eradicate this!

It's finally frigid enough so when you scrunch and contort your face you can literally feel the tension in your freezing flesh. Ah, brisk!

While the wheels on the bus go round and round, I'd be a fool to not take advantage of such a golden opportunity to brainstorm --


-- relax, that's not what I meant. I'd never kill you, brain -- and, wander through scenario after scenario, the exact manifestation depending on what music is blaring out of my headphones: pillaging Lindisfarne, getting intimate with my special lady, getting intimate with my wife, wondering what the hell I'm going to post about today.

The last is the issue at hand, ladies and germs, but first, let me correct an egregious wrong, one that has contributed to yet another bout of insomnia. No bizarre dreams after finally falling asleep this time, I'm sad to report.

I apologize profusely, unknown patron, flush with sadness and regret am I, for verily no longer an ancient myth the Ink Eradicator is! God bless German engineering piracy!

I wonder if they make pens to eradicate lack of inspiration.

Wait. Woo, the collapse of the annum is right nigh --

-- no, better save that one for the The Apocalypse® in 2012. Quetzalcoatl is so going to fuck our shit up. Brain, a little help.

-- gee, what a lovely replacement that truly captures the essence of both the New Year's festivities and the current state of the world at large. Thanks, fucker, you might be alright after all -- and that means it's time to commence work on the predictable and predictably boring end-of-the-year lists. Only saw one movie this year -- I don't get out much; all that raunchy PG-13 sex keeps me well occupied -- and I haven't read anything published this year book-wise so that only leaves mighty music.

Hey, where are you all going?

Ungrateful bastards.

It's just you and me brain. Again.

"Sigh. Fine. Go ahead, Mr. Predictably Predictable."

Asshole, I'm not surfing for porn at work. I've got standards. Why do you think I wear this monocle? In fact, read my classy commentary on a great matter of the day.

The agreement came after another round of confrontational hearings, pitting exasperated lawmakers against desperate corporate heads.

Facing the automakers who returned to Capitol Hill seeking money, Rep. Jeb Hensarling, R-Tex., said, "Can you name me three industries in this economy that aren't hurting that couldn't use $34 billion? Name one that couldn't use it."
Shit, Jeb, that's easy. This, this and this.

I see Alexiy II finally kicked the bucket. Think they'll be putting this on eBay?

Now those are some swanky duds.


Christopher said...

I hate the winter and I hat the cold.

We're counting the months until we can get the fuck out of the northeast and move back west where winter means 57' degrees and rain.

Life is too short to spend 3 to 4 months each year in the ice and snow.

Sherry Peyton said...

Seriously dude, has the science world contacted you about donating your brain to science? I don't believe its quite human. And ditto Christopher, i'm sitting here listening to the wind howl and the snow blow and the temperature lose itself to single digits and wondering how in the hell I've lived a life in this shit! Where is the warm sun?

FranIAm said...

I'm just like so psyched to see your photo at the top of this post. I never quite pictured you with that mustache.

But look at that cute smile of yours!!

Randal Graves said...

christopher, bah, all you sunny types drive me nuts. Bring on the frigid wind and the snowdrifts and the whiteouts!

sherry, my brain is perfectly human and quite normal. All you summery folks are the extraterrestrials, I'm convinced of that.

fran, betcha didn't think I was so handsome, and apparently, an Inuit!

Our Juicy Life said...

argh to the cold....we have been here in france for 2 months and it's fucking rained for 1 month straight, well maybe 1-2 days of nice weather. We hate it...not france but the winter. being from la it's a drag, we miss being able to go out without getting muddy. i mop the floors of my maison once a day because the dogs and us bring in mud. It's cold and it's rainy and it's just not cool. I know...we are spending a year in france, shut the f up...but seriously we really want some sunny days, cold is ok but no rain.

anita said...

How very odd. When I try to imagine what Randal actually looks like, it's very similar to Alexiy II !!

Bull said...

Cold = snow = snowboarding.


Freida Bee said...

Randal- I see you got that pic I took of you after our big drinking debaucle. I see from the tone of this post that you're still hurting, but, hey, you posted.


Randal Graves said...

OJL, for me, living in LA would be hell. All that heat virtually year round? And yeah, you're in France. So it's raining. Suck it up. ;-)

anita, well, there is a bit more grey in the fuzz with each passing day. But I don't have one of those cool hats!

bull, I love winter, but I'll save that diversion for you as I would assuredly wipe out.

FB, hey, you dared me to do a face plant. How else would I interpret it but planting my face in the snow?

"Uncle Randal, is that where you planted that face tree?"

Randal Graves said...

FB, Yes, I'm conveniently ignoring which picture you referred to. I only pass out in garbage cans. Or I'm just slow. Pretend it's the former and make your ole pal happy. ;-)

susan said...

Porn, alcohol and armaments is the new way of saying: 'as American as Mom and apple pie'.

Don't you just love the way the government made the auto ceo's go to Washington for the public wrist slapping but all the banker broker guys got direct representation by Paulson and Bernanke?

Randal Graves said...

Porn and pie in the same sentence? Heh heh, I love having the brain of a 16-year old.

Are you saying Paulie and Bernie didn't have the nation's best interests at heart?

FranIAm said...

I always had pegged you for an Intuitive actually.

And a rather dreamy one at that!

Spartacus said...

Randal...we just got a bit of snow last night into today. Not enough to shovel, but just enough to make a drab fall morning look nice. I wonder if you can call that guy's face a moustache slushy. We know the guy in the urinal is looking for his Corona beer.

Liberality said...

"I wonder if they make pens to eradicate lack of inspiration."

boy, I really need one of those!

Dusty said...

Love the guy face first into the commode. wotta guy!

Randal Graves said...

fran, now I feel all lusty!

spartacus, given how out of it that dude is, it'd be hard to tell the difference.

liberality, too bad we can't run to the local convenient store and pick up a pack for a $1.99.

dusty, I can't say I've ever been THAT gone. ;-)