Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Random acts of senseless posting
















Normally, unless I was unwittingly exposed to biological weapons of mass destruction -- a mathematical impossibility given the layers of Billy Mays' Mighty Putty® sealing up all windows and doorways chez Randal -- is anyone else feeling lightheaded? -- or lysergic acid diethylamide in my drink or tetrahydrocannabinol in my brownies -- there's my stash! You have no idea how long I've been looking for it -- I would never post anything about anyone intimately associated or loosely affiliated with The Fucking Yankees unless it was to cast an unyielding torrent of scorn in their general direction, but this bit about now-retired Fucking Yankee Mike Mussina is the exception.

No, not for anything he did, is doing or will do, but for what's mentioned near the bottom: has there ever been a better team name than the Oakland Dudes?











"Walter, he peed on my mitt!"

Being a card-carrying member of the International Brotherhood of Misogynistic Piggery and Piano Tuners, Local No. 103175, I'm quite tearful that I'm at work instead of at home getting ready to watch this. Sigh.


















"Go work on you paper about the cheese-eating surrender monkeys, dear.
I'll be home soon enough."

Thanks, babe. Smooches. At least I'm gaining votes!












"I'm the one that's good enough and smart enough, asshole."

I've been trying to come up with a fourth item, but then realized the best things in life always come in threes: triple plays, three-ring circuses, third eyes, Triple Ententes, triple cheesburgers, menages à trois.

"Keep dreaming."

I do, brain, I do. Okay, here we go: how come all you young people rapidly going deaf with your iPods jammed up to eleven have the worst fucking taste in music?

"You're one to talk, Mr. Satan Murder Death Mayhem."

But at least I don't drop passes on Sunday.

"What the fuck does that have to do with anything?"











Sassafras tea, silly string and shotgun blasts, stupid. It's bad enough that Hussein named closet lesbian, murderer and soap opera starlet Hillary to his cabinet, now he's thinking about an openly gay chick. Super Magical Jesus Baby must be rolling over in his crib. Spin the Tito the Builder mobile to shut his ass up, will ya?

Oh, and Pantone? Go fuck yourself. That's all the world needs. More blissfully happy people.

"Isn't this shit supposed to make you mellow?"

147 comments:

Commander Zaius said...

You lost me after the Victoria Secret videos. Cold shower time.

anita said...

the weird thing about victoria's secret's advertising, well, maybe not so weird, but it's that it's directed not toward women as consumers, but men, is that it is kind of the lowest quality of lingerie one can get and at not a very good price point either.

seriously. women. your man drags you to victoria's secret, don't go ... there is much better and often much sexier stuff at macy's.

don't settle girls.

just.
don't.
settle.

so there. you mysoginist pig randal !!!

anita said...

ps ... i know you are not a mysoginist pig (i can't spell ... sorry), i'm just reflecting back to you the image you present of yourself. i'm sure there is a psychoanalytic term for it. but i don't know what it is. so. anyway. you're ok.

Randal Graves said...

BB, that's too bad, because you missed the worst part!

anita, I'm a married man. Thus, what the hell would I know about a lingerie-wearing woman?

But I balance my sexism with the occasional post of bad verse. So I'm a sensitive sexist which is like three whole levels above scumbag. You can look it up!

Utah Savage said...

You're deluding yourself Randal, You are a misogynistic/romantic pig, or you would have managed to work in that manage a tois in your real life by now. You were born too late lad. Yes there was rock and roll in the 60's but there was a lot more illicit sex. Even consensual manages a tois. Yes dear, grandma did it with grandpa and uncle Ed, but those were the old days. Times have changed.

Unknown said...

Love the stash link m'dear!

As for Mussina...piss on him..but that was a great team name wasn't it? ;)

Billie Greenwood said...

//Limbaugh Calls Clinton Pick 'Brilliant Stroke' by Obama//

OK, and what'll he be saying if Maxwell gets Labor??? Hmmmm...Santa, listen up cuz I think it'll more likely be naughty than nice.

Ubermilf said...

Dear Randal,

Anita speaks the truth about the shitty lingerie.

But I came here for advice.

I was actually invited to the booze-and-bitch fest known as the PTA ladies bunco Friday night. One of them even offered to give me a ride. Do you think they plan to kill me? Offer me up as some sort of margarita-soaked sacrifice to the Goddess of Bunco?

Randal Graves said...

utah, and what's more, before or after, I could've seen Sabbath or Zeppelin in concert. Now I'm all depressed.

dusty, sure beats a generic animal name, no? "Dude, what do you do? Shortstop for the Dudes, dude."

BE, of course he'd say that, for what gives him greater pleasure, save hillbilly heroin or trips to foreign lands in search of young love, than talking about the Clintons?

übermilf, "Three of a kind! I get to sacrifice her! Woo!"

They could come at you from any number of angles: spiked food or drink, poison dart from behind the curtain, loose chandelier.

I don't want to say it's definite, but feather ruffling has consequences, one of which is the weak-minded wishing to eliminate the ruffler. Watch your back.

pissed off patricia said...

I would not be at all surprised if the Super Magical Jesus Baby sneaked a glimpse of the Victoria's Secret show.

I have no idea what sort of quality their stuff is since I have never shopped there. However, I do think their shows are pretty. Sorry if that makes me some evil being, but beauty is beauty.

Dean Wormer said...

Mellow and hungry. Me- it makes me drool.

Keeping my fingers crossed for Al. We need more snark in the senate.

MRMacrum said...

Victoria's Secret sent me a birthday gift card once. Unfortunately the split crotch panties I wanted were no longer available in my size.

Randal Graves said...

POP, you can hang out with the rest of us evil beings. And I was going to make a snarky comment about shopping there, but I see MRMacrum beat me to it. Though, sir, avoid the split crotch panties. The g-strings have much more give.

dean, is there even any snark? His would be the first. I might even watch C-Span!

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Не для кого не секрет, что экономика Украины в настоящее время находится в кризисе. Не смотря на это, есть специалисты, которые под ширмой государственных служащих работают против государства, которое доверило им занимать высокие должности, оплачивает достойную заработную плату, но …?!
Одним из таких деятелей, является БУСАРЕВ ВЯЧЕСЛАВ ВАЛЕНТИНОВИЧ - председатель налоговой службы АР Крым. Личность, которую можно поставить в пример многим политикам, ведь Вячеслав Бусарев получил старт в карьере государственного служащего когда у власти была Партия Регионов, однако, остался при должности и до настоящего времени, когда Партия Регионов находится в оппозиции, а все почему?! Все очень просто, В.Бусарев работает на свой карман, а не для бюджета Украины, «кормит» вышестоящее руководство ГНА Украины и остается «своим» при любой власти в стране. Перейду к конкретике, подтверждающей все выше изложенное.
Существует такое понятие «налоговая яма», это предприятие, которое создает затратную часть предприятий-контрагентов посредством предоставления им налогового кредита. Проще говоря, помогает предприятиям контрагентам завышать свои затраты, тем самым минимизируя уплату налогов в бюджет, а иногда при миллионных оборотах предприятий сводит уплату налогов в бюджет к нулю. Как Вы понимаете, деятельность таких предприятий должна быть незамедлительно пресечена налоговой службой, но, под непосредственным контролем В.Бусарева на территории АР Крым были созданы и помогали скрывать налоги предприятиям Крыма и некоторых регионов Украины следующие «налоговые ямы»:

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Почему то, при якобы тотальном контроле со стороны налоговой, указанные выше субъекты без проведения проверок перестают работать, а на их месте создаются в один день от трех до пяти подобных предприятий, при чем регистрируются в один день, на одних и тех же лиц, также в один день выдается свидетельство плательщика НДС, при отсутствии расчетных счетов в банках.
Все вышеуказанные предприятия «помогли» своим контрагентам скрыть от налогообложения сотни миллионов гривен, а это бюджетные деньги страны. Соответственно, за «спасибо», т.е. бесплатно, указанные предприятия не существовали бы. Поэтому предприимчивый В.Бусарев обложил данную деятельность «налогом в свой карман», а именно, ставка этого «налога» составила 0,8% от валового оборота деятельности каждого из указанных предприятий, а это в итоге миллионы гривен. Но, как Вы понимаете, без поддержки сверху, такая «деятельность» не существовала бы. Поэтому В.Бусарев должен отдавать некоторую часть денег заместителю ГНА Украины В.Кайзерману, который взамен, за это поддерживает В.Бусарева и ежемесячно либо снижает планы поступления налоговой Крыма в бюджет, либо при угрозе его невыполнения корректирует в сторону уменьшения.
На указанном примере работы В.Бусарева, становится понятно, каким образом налоговики становятся миллионерами.

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