Do you really want to get a sexually-transmitted text? Those ointments ain't cheap and they ain't covered by your insurance.
As the rumble receded westward, a fine layer of dust settled on the tall stack of vintage condom boxes. Sally squinted. Whomever, or whatever, had laid these eggs was now a squiggle on the horizon. Sally wiggled. Then giggled.
"Aw shucks, how're we gonna finagle some loot outta this," opined Opie.
"Who's going to buy these? Bull of Heaven condoms are even more ancient than Trojans. If only Old Man Gilgamesh was still around."
"Now, Sally, ya'll know he had that baby. Lon n' he moved years ago."
"That's what I mea --"
"Hee hee, ya'll 'member th'old sayin', whatcha enkidu, winky nudgy."
"Is that your not-so-suave smoothie?"
"Eys willin' if you's willin'."
Sally rolled her eyes, speaking in controversial French. Opie rolled one, his dumbfounded tongue rolling, unable to keep up. So he puffed and puffed then huffed and huffed, because he was tired of being three steps behind.
"Always thinking with your willin'."
"Ya'll jus' call me a villain?" Show's ya ma --"
"If you make that stupid lightsaber joke again, the whole town will be crying 'bye, son.'"