Monday, December 28, 2009

Noive endings

"This? This is snow. This is what falls in Cleveland when it gets too cold. This? This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated"

Dear RTA,

It really is okay to drive more that 25 mph when there's a layer of the white stuff on the tree lawns.



Bill Polian, Pretzeldent of the Indianapolis Colts

"All right, I'll go in there for Peyton. 16-0 or no 16-0, playoff chokes or no playoff chokes, I'll tear them apart. I may not come out alive, but I'm going in there. There's only one thing I want you fellows to do."
"What's that?"
"Talk me out of it."

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and hide under my desk. Never know who's a crotch-burning terrorist these days.


Beach Bum said...

I'm happily ignorant now on snow but the sexual frustration is a whole other story.

Never know who's a crotch-burning terrorist these days.

I have the same thoughts walking around the hospital at night.

Christopher said...

I've never really adjusted to driving in the snow and I never will and I don't intend to.

I bought Jim new tires for his ride for Christmas so he's safer. We have all the silly, creature comforts so I thought this was a good use of $600 to spend.

My SUV has huge tires designed for all climates and so far so good. Just so long as they get us back to California in the spring.

Back to the NFL. I heard the dying-on-the-vine, Buffalo Bills played yesterday and used their third quarterback. Some adorable blonde boy and yes, they lost again.

Maybe the Bills should move to Toronto?

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

The terrorists would need a lot better technology to find your crotch. You may move about the cabin freely, union terrorist.



Übermilf said...

I was going to say I thought you'd be used to your crotch burning by now, but I like Tengrain's comment better I think.

Randal Graves said...

BB, you guys ever get any paranoid freaks insisting that Mr. Campbell in the next bed is working for Al-Qaeda?

christopher, hell with Toronto! Just because we're allowed to steal Canadian hockey teams doesn't mean they're allowed to steal our national pastime.

tengrain, terrorists can't afford the technology to deal with the sunlike glow emanating from my magnificent crotch.

übermilf, I gave up self-immolation after Nam.

sunshine said...

I'm not sure I like all your anti-Canada talk Randal. *angry eyes*

Anyhow.. I'm miserable today so I won't comment anymore. :(


Anonymous said...

Well, I said it before, "better luck next year." And as to crotch burning, well, I think it was pretty funny that her sizzled his junk. Seems rather apropos no?

Mauigirl said...

I must say it seems as if these terrorists aren't very good at being terrorists. When you think about this guy flaming his crotch and Richard Reid not being able to get his shoe lit, we're lucky they're not very smart.

Liberality said...

Gloat if you will. I am on to you Randal ;)

Mary Ellen said...

If the guy had boxer shorts on it might have flamed faster and been more effective, tighty-whities don't give much air flow. Stupid Muslims.

Tom Harper said...

That's the trouble with winter driving conditions. You get some people going 90 mph on snow and ice, and other people who slow down to 1 mph as soon as one raindrop falls.

Beach Bum said...

BB, you guys ever get any paranoid freaks insisting that Mr. Campbell in the next bed is working for Al-Qaeda?

As far as the whack jobs are concerned poor Lindsey is in bed with a whole host of different enemies of the state and "straight laced" American values.

susan said...

I was climbing Everest with some hot yetis as guides. Did I miss something?

Swinebread said...

They're hiding in the snow!

S.W. Anderson said...

I take it you wanted the bus to go more than 25 mph in spite of the snow, but didn't show enough initiative to take over the driver's seat. Maybe you should try carpooling instead of riding the wheelie bus. That way, when it's your turn to drive you get to go as fast as you want, snow, ice or whatever.

MRMacrum said...

Maybe it is hard to drive over 25 mph on snow in Cleveland when one is sexually frustrated. Maybe if you offered a "local" instead of a token, you might get where you want to go in a faster and more timely manner.

Randal Graves said...

sunshine, if you guys would have your eye on one of our NFL teams. Stick to your cruel, mutated version of the greatest sport ever invented.

sherry, as long as it doesn't lead to terribly dull parodies of The Xmas Song.

mauigirl, oh, so you're against a preemptive strike against Yemen?

liberality, about what? Whatever it is, I didn't do it, I swear.

nunly, easy for you to say, you Catholics are naked half the time anyway.

tom, I blame teevee and the endless cavalcade of DOPPLER FIVE BILLION ARCTIC BLAST OF DEATH. It's winter in Cleveland. Suck it up.

BB, you should consider yourself lucky. Whereas many of us miss Chimpy the lovable scamp, your state has many willing to ascend to the throne of free political comedy.

susan, did you find a branch office of Shangri-La?

swinebread, burn more fossil fuels, patriots!

SWA, carpooling? Then I'd have to talk to other humans.

mrmacrum, I see you are unfamiliar with the unattractiveness of the average public bus driver.

Dr. Zaius said...

I'm not sure why it is that you want to drive more that 25 mph on tree lawns...