Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Seriously?


















America's number one export after fast food.

Don't ask me why, but while doing work yesterday at work -- I said don't ask, fucker -- I stopped in the midst of processing the newest issue of Barrow Street to peruse its offerings (some I wish I had written, you talented bastards; some satanawful stuff that makes my garbage seem delicious and nutritious), and eventually flipped through the Notes on Contributors where this caught my laughing eye:

...of two anthologies, including Starting Today: 100 Poems for Obama's First 100 Days.
Alright, fine. You want some political verse, you've got it.

Military/industrial complex,
you give me a complex.
Saint Ronnie or Hussein X,
Senator Diaper's wacky sex,
On this I don't wish to vex.
Corporate pontifex!
Your maximus deflects my hex.
Look at all that, so much X.
Where's Lovelace, 'tis triple triple X.
Oh yeah, dead.

Thank you, thank you, I won't be here all week.

25 comments:

Christopher said...

Thanks to utter ineptitude by Hillary Clinton's State Dept. and Janet Napolitano's Homeland Security, a potential terrorist bomber slipped through, and now uber-douchebag Joe Lieberman is pushing for a military expansion into Yemen.

My prediction for 2010 is, Obama will come under pressure from the neocons in the GOP and the Pentagon, to mount two military efforts: one in Afghanistan and another in Yemen.

What says America to the Islamic world more than war, death and destruction?

MRMacrum said...

Political Poetry? Maybe we should change our fight song to -

Wham! Bam!

Thank You Ma'am.

Of course yours fills in the gaps.

Holte Ender said...

Happy New Xear.

sunshine said...

Ooooo! I'm tres impressed with all your words that end in an "x" sound!
*Sigh*... you're so smart Randal!

((Hugs))
Laura

Übermilf said...

Yes, I think we do export more pirate-themed merchandise than anyone else.

David Barber said...

Hi Randal,

"I'm just about to have 'tex mex'
Washing it down with some 'Becks'
And after I'll spin some tunes on my 'decks'
Before settling down for some sex
With my wife and my ex
And the dog from round the corner called 'Rex'...."

I'm definately not here all week...

Just wanted to get in on your blog Randal, I'm not even clued up on politics in the UK........

Have a great New Year and all the best for 2010, mate.

Regards, David.

Randal Graves said...

christopher, Afghanistan is far too mountainous to ever achieve victory, but Yemen? It practically screams "invade us, take us over, sun yourself on our beaches!"

mrmacrum, thank you ma'am? Did you really have to leave out the self-loathing, closeted gooper hypocrites?

holte, looks suspiciously like a salutation from the artist formerly known as Blackwater.

sunshine, lots of Xs are always sexy.

übermilf, exactly, and the Somalis are really losing out on such a lucrative market.

david, ha ha ha! Now, turn that verse into prose, starring your favorite detective.

I don't think I'm going out on a limb when I say that the politics over there are as fucked up as over here. Though that bit in parliament where you can all but yell at the PM is very cool.

And same to you, sir. Now get cracking on more fiction!

Mary Ellen said...

What do you mean you won't be here all week. That's unXceptable, you slacker! And I was going to do a Wonder Woman post tomorrow. Sheesh.

Spartacus said...

You forgot to tell them to try the veal. It's imported from Afghanistan and tres delish!

Ricky Shambles said...

I was waiting for the "Mex-/icans" rhyme and was horribly disappointed.

Bible modernization is really getting out of hand.

David Barber said...

Randal, you're certainly not going out on a limb. Our Government is the same as any other: they lie through their arseholes making false promises then shit all over you once they get voted in. A few months ago they cut VAT to 15%, down from 17.5%, to help ease the financial burden, but it's due to go back up in January to 17.5%. Yeah thanks for that!! (There is talk that they are going to put it up to 20%-obviously to recoup the 2.5% they lost!!! Wankers!!!!)

That's why I don't follow politics. There are only so many lies you can listen to from twats who pretend to be normal family people with their hearts in the right places....Fuckers are just out to look after themselves. (Fiddling expenses...but that's another story).

Sorry for that outburst.....David.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Stick to the booze man, the liberry paste will kill you.

Rgds,

Tengrain

David Barber said...

Sorry you were horribly disappointed with my 'rambling rhyme', Ricky Shambles, it wasn't meant to be serious. ;-)

Ricky Shambles said...

David-
Nor are any of us, I gather. :)

Randal Graves said...

nunly, I'm here tomorrow, so don't put those hot pants away just yet.

spartacus, veal, is that the new slang for opiates?

ricky, it's Mexcans, pinko.

david, shhh! Quiet about the VAT, don't give the yokels here any ideas.

tengrain, but it's sooooo good.

Et pardonnez-moi, but I'm very fucking serious and all of you should be, too, dammit. SERIOUS!

Randal Graves said...

nunly, I'm here tomorrow, so don't put those hot pants away just yet.

spartacus, veal, is that the new slang for opiates?

ricky, it's Mexcans, pinko.

david, shhh! Quiet about the VAT, don't give the yokels here any ideas.

tengrain, but it's sooooo good.

Et pardonnez-moi, but I'm very fucking serious and all of you should be, too, dammit. SERIOUS!

okjimm said...

//America's number one export after fast food.//

Sarah Palin quotes?
Jonas Brothers?
Potatoe Chips?
K-Y jelly?
Mitch Miller records?

oooooh....Death.... I get it! Never mind.

S.W. Anderson said...

"Don't ask me why, but while doing work yesterday at work . . ."

During Christmas week? And you're not even in retail? Whew.

Now, about using the very same word in the first two lines of a rhyming poem . . .

Randal Graves said...

okjimm, see how clever I am?

SWA, unlike the rest of you slacker unpatriots, I care about growing the economy.

Re: word duplication. That's its inherent genius! No one would expect such a violation of accepted poesy. Take that, Byron, you bastard.

Beach Bum said...

Starting Today: 100 Poems for Obama's First 100 Days.

If Glenn Beck's nightmare of socialist hordes taking over the United States ever happens I know what I will be reading to the poor bastards in FEMA political reeducation camps.

The thought of Cheney tied down in some chair as uber-liberal Susan Sarandon reads poetry glorifying the new Messiah is almost as satisfying as the thought of waterboarding the inhuman bastard.

Tom Harper said...

Nice holiday poem.

Off topic -- you probably heard about Avenged Sevenfold's drummer being found dead. I wasn't too familiar with them; so many kickass metal groups out there, I can't keep track of them all.

But some of the comments at the end of this article are un-fuckin'-real. "Heavy metal Satan drugs serves him right." "Rock and roll doesn't take any talent." There sure are some hateful bastards out there.

Demeur said...

What do we export? Funny cat pictures or worthless paper investments. But yes death is big business.

Dr. Zaius said...

That's funny, I thought that America's number one export was disappointment...

okjimm said...

ooooh.... Dr. Z shoots & SCORES!

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

you mean that wasn't a rap? whhuutt? *poses gangsta style*