Friday, December 4, 2009

Baby, it's cold outside

Not really, but close enough, I guess. Grumble.

Seriously, the first low in the 20s not until December 3? What ever happened to freak, lake-effect blizzards reducing visibility to the fog filming (neither swanky noir yarns nor porn but, sadly, the boring kind of film) your spectacles, village-smothering avalanches turning thousands of sky fairy-fearing yokels into life-size popsicles (tastes like grape) and vast Yeti swarms able to pick and choose from acres of frozen human treats? O, sweet days of yore, verily we call unto thee, deliver us from warm, technological evil. Amen.

"Aw, fuck, I wish I had a gun."

"You're the one who wished for no more technology, hippie."


Mary Ellen said...

Christmas must be fun at your house. Do you leave giant footsteps in the snow and tell the kids the Christmas monster was there looking to rip them to shreds for being bad? ;-)

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Snow? Are you insane?



Dean Wormer said...

You can never go wrong with Yeti.

Übermilf said...

That yeti doesn't look so mean.

okjimm said...

ya, what Tengrain said.

TomCat said...

Come to Los Angeles where it's warm and where Ohio comes to be Duck lunch among the Roses. ;-)

Hill said...

SNOW heading this way as I type.

In The Hill Country.


Have a great weekend, Randal.


sunshine said...

Hmmm did you know that Doug Henning was Canadian? :P
I've been wanting to throw that in for awhile but kept forgetting.

Wow! Did that guy get caught in a flash freezing flood or what? Yikes. I wouldn't want to have to chip him out of there! It looks like he got knocked off of his pillow.

It's been snowing on and off here today. So far nothing is sticking. I'm freezing but .. I'm always freezing so, nothing new there.


Beach Bum said...

Seriously, the first low in the 20s not until December 3?

Don't know if what you mentioned above and the fact that I have a tree in my yard where the leaves turn colors and fall off later each year are examples of global warming.

I mean those scientific whiz's on cluster fox seem all too certain that global warming is some grand conspiracy with scientists laughing at us yokels.

Randal Graves said...

nunly, do you honestly think anything is ever fun at my house? ;-)

tengrain, your beef is with Famous Ray's Sausage, not me.

dean, are you sure? That's been the primary theory behind your disappearance.

übermilf, sure, he's no übermilf, but he gets the job done.

okjimm, don't hate the murderer, hate the game.

tomcat, right, as if our 1970s-style offense won't be able to keep up with a team that actually throws more than 9 times a game. Pshaw.

hill, snow, glorious snow!

sunshine, you think everything good is Canadian. Swedish death metal? Canadian. Naked sex orgies? Canadian. Canadian bacon? Canadian.

I can't remember the article I stole the picture from, but I think it was an unused section of an abandoned factory and someone just found the dude buried in ice like that.

BB, I haven't been this outraged at a hoax since the Piltdown Man!

La Belette Rouge said...

Really, you are going to complain it isn't cold enough? You are in Ohio. I am in L.A. It is warm enough for shorts, BBQs, flip flops and car repair in front of one's home. That, my friend, is the definition of hell.

Holte Ender said...

The picture shown must represent the tropical end of the Himalayas because the guy on the left has his sleeves rolled up and the Yeti is not wearing gloves.

Bitter cold here in the deep south this morning, 46F at sun-up.

Randal Graves said...

LBR, come on, you know I can't possibly compete with the hell that is Los Angeles.

holte, of course the Yeti isn't wearing gloves. You ever try and debone a human without bare hands?

Übermilf said...

Is this about me not shaving my legs? I do become more terrifying the hairier I get.

S.W. Anderson said...

Randal, that first photo begs a question: Don't you ever clean up your front walk?

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, just do what I do and don't shave. Don't you want to scare people?

SWA, hey man, I throw a handful of salt out there now and then.

Freida Bee, MD said...

I'm sorry I put the kibosh on technology. I guess we'll have to go back to frolicking nekkid in eden which should be cold enough for you, considering, as everyone knows, Cleveland= Eden. It makes the snowball fights more interesting.

BTW- at a party last night, an artist guy gave a friend of mine a little ceramic brain he made that was labeled "Zombie Bait." Thought of you.

Randal Graves said...

Snowball fights, yes, but given the 20°, I'm sure I'd have problems finding my other balls.

Awww, now that's sweet, and I ain't sarcastastic.

TomCat said...

Perhaps we'd have an easier time against the Browns. -)

susan said...

Was he dead?

Randal Graves said...

tomcat, I'm thinking the Browns should sign some Yetis. Can't hurt. ;-)

susan, he certainly was.

Dr. Zaius said...

Brr. I hate snow. :o(