Saturday, December 5, 2009

The Pretzeldential Gong Show*

*awesomely cheesy theme music*

Chuck Barris: Welcome to the show, I'm *sniff* your host Chuck Barris!

Jaye P. Morgan: The acts better not be as bad as last time, Chuck. I almost threw up.

Chuck Barris: I promise you, they'll be *sniff* lovely! Up first, Bee Bee the Dancing Machine!


Rip Taylor: That belongs on the $1.98 Dancing Pageant!

Chuck Barris: That was *sniff* pretty awful, but watch out for our next act! Please welcome, A Little Off-Broadway!



The Unknown Comic: I knew one of the judges would toss their cookies.

Chuck Barris: For the worst act of the week, a dirty sock and $516.32, which, in this economy, won't even snag one grain of coke! That's all the time we have tonight *sniff* so tune in tomorrow for the next episode of *wipe* The Pretzeldential Gong Show! Good night, everybody!

*original concept by SWA


Beach Bum said...

Funny post, although I feel now Chuck Barris could have traded jobs with most of our recent White House occupants and we would have been better off.

Übermilf said...

I wish someone would toss cookies my way. Preferably pinwheels.

Demeur said...

Graves you swine you've been hanging around Dcaps place again haven't you? SW would never stoop so low.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Chuck Barris would be thrilled we were in Afghanistan for the long haul. He could trade some of their opium for cocaine, no problem.

Freida Bee, MD said...

The reality show of our forefathers has never rocked harder.

PoliShifter said...

Dust off the Mission Accomplished banner...

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Everyone knows that Chuck Barris is a national hero and a secretly decorated member of the CIA... that's where he got that *sniff*.



Randal Graves said...

BB, agreed, and it's not like we haven't already experienced a cokehead.

übermilf, you can't just wish for things, you've gotta make them happen!

demeur, au contraire, mon frère.

karen, worked for Chimpy. Most plausible reason I can think of why 41 dunked his hands in.

FB, it should be in reruns on all major networks every day.

poli, no codpiece though, a bit tough to do some softshoe in that, no?

tengrain, Chuck Barris for *sniff* Pretzeldent!

sunshine said...

Hmmm... I wasn't allowed to watch The Gong Show when I was a kid. :(
My Mum said the host was a "weirdo".


Holte Ender said...

Even though the CIA swear on their honor, Chuck never worked for them, it must be true because they lie a lot and George Clooney wouldn't have anything to do with a work of fiction.

TomCat said...

Would Chuck be a teabagger?

S.W. Anderson said...

Thanks for the plug, I think. After seeing how much fun you've had with the concept, I think I'll take it to MSNBC. They'll use anything for cheap filler on weakends. (That's snark, not a typo.)

susan said...

Too bad they didn't think of doing this version on the original.

Tom Harper said...

And now Chuck Barris is head of Secret Operations for Blackwater.

Christopher said...

I recall reading Chuck Barris was CIA, or FBI, or psy-ops, and that his TV career was a smokescreen to hide his real career as a spook.

Only in America, kiddies.

Randal Graves said...

sunshine, sounds like anti-American propaganda to me. Invasion back on!

holte, what's the CIA?

tomcat, some of those teabaggers would make perfect Gong Show contestants.

SWA, I'd say that's less snark than cold, brutal truth.

susan, which came first, the Chevy Chase Ford sketch or the Ford Gong Show appearance?

They should have done a disgraced Nixon administration edition of the show.

tom, excuse me, that's Xe.

christopher, I think Chuck Woolery hosted far too many shows to have time to spy. What about that guy from Joker's Wild?

Christopher said...

Is Chuck Woolery the guy with the giant, Frankenstein head?

The oddest gameshow host for me is Pat Sajak of Wheel of Fortune fame.

His tiny, diminutive height, and ever-changing toupee color, coupled with his predilection for flirting with the young-enough-to-be his daughter guests, where he runs his hand up and down their backs, is just the most bizarre thing on TV.

But I love Vanna!

Dr. Zaius said...

This is actually an improvement on the original Gong Show, which isn't saying much. ;o)