Do I have to watch the second game?

Jesus is just alright with him.

Philadelphia at Arizona: Okay, so maybe the Cardinals are the 2006 Colts. Though, despite Jake Delhomme's career-long tryst with mediocrity and inconsistency, did anyone envision six turnovers? The fucking Browns, well, we would've kept it within a couple of touchdowns. Sure, Marshall Faulk Jr. is banged up, but if you give God's Favorite Quarterback time, he'll bloody you up like the mat in a Middle Eastern battle royale. Jim Johnson won't allow that to happen. Eagles, 27-20.

Baltimore at Pittsburgh: Gee, should I root for Cheney or Osama? Tennessee, despite blowing both its own feet off -- with a slight assist from the refs -- exposed the Ravens' glaring weakness against speedy outside rushers (and perhaps against mediocre receivers, for Kerry Collins nearly nabbed a 300-yarder). Willie Parker is a speedy outside rusher. And for all the talk of the new Joe Cool, he's managed to turn eight turnovers into a grand total of 33 points (recall that one of Baltimore's touchdowns against Miami was an interception return). Such putrescent output won't be enough. Oh, and Terrell Suggs might not play. Steelers, 17-10.