Friday, January 30, 2009

Heaven and Hell

Chimpy, you were blogging heaven. Couldn't think of a goddamn thing to throw against the electron wall? Use The Google to find a stupid picture of you -- but I repeat myself -- add a badly composed line, et voilà, I was done for the day. Just watch:

"I told you he knows how to use a phone, Major! You owe me ten bucks!"

Now? Oh sure, there's plenty of crap going on in the world in between album reviews -- someone please release something already --
such as past pretzeldents and serial killers
Middle East fuckery and everyday dumbassery,
the soul of Murka temporarily pacified if one doesn't ruminate for too long about how our war criminals have gotten away with it and the fact that if single payer hops along I'll pay for your mug of hops, limit one customer,
yes, read the fine print
I'm only telling you thrice
"-- that's two, dude --"
angry Shakespeare: fuck ye! fuck ye!
coffee or tea, Dick Armey's Army of Dick
featuring Generalissimo Rush the Prick,
would you like fries or pills with that,
bacon and eggs, ketchup and ham,
jelly or jam -- yes, I'm hungry, breakfast was hours ago --
loose lips sink ships even tugboats.

According to Wikipedia, it's the unofficial birthday of this dude and who would dare question their triumphal authority, so here's something from heaven --

-- and something from hell:

Ain't no yin without a yang, yo. Anyone have any blogging ideas, feel free to suggest something reasonable, i.e. not too taxing, in comments.


La Belette Rouge said...

Blogging ideas. I have a million of 'em. Let me share a few:
1. Morrissey has a new album coming out.
2. Shoes
3. Why sports are stupid and why I have thrown my TV away and will never watch them again.
4.Poetry. I know you write it. Share more of it with us.
5. Have your wife write a post. I want a behind the scenes look at the real "Randal".

Mauigirl said...

I hear ya - the Obama Era so far is harder to blog about. But I'm sure we'll get into the swing of it again.

You did a great job with this prose poem though!

I have been tagged for a meme on 20 greatest women so I have a blog subject waiting for me if I get up the energy to do it!

Lisa said...

Here's an idea: contrast the way Blago's alleged criminal activity and ethics violations have been handled by the Illinois state legislature and Sarah Palin's ethics violations investigation was handled (or not, as it were regarding criminal investigations by the weak Fed).

Or how about you write about the boobie bowl or whatever that nonsense is when the half-naked chicks play football.

Or do like I do and write about the hideousness of parenting.

Missy said...

I don't know, but somehow you manage to keep pulling these things out of your... dark place.

I hereby declare "fuck ye! fuck ye!" the line of the day.

Randal Graves said...

LBR, 1.Good for Morrissey.
2.What's a shoe?
3.Begone, communist!
4.Laboring under the fiction of writing fiction, I've nothing new.
5.And ruin this hastily-pasted-together image? Jamais. ;-)

mauigirl, I've got no problem bagging on whomever the pretzeldent is, but Bush was so bloody simple!

I might steal that tag if you don't mind for the next time my brain breaks down.

lisa, hmmm, #1 is interesting. I think I'm going to pocket that for later.

I heard the Boobie Bowl (or lingerie or thong or whatever it is) got canceled!

The hideousness of parenting. That is a supreme title for not a post, but a blog. I'm too lazy to start a second one, but someone should play squatter with it.

missy, true, but most of them are pure garbage. Except today's, of course. Everyone loves Gorgoroth! \^^/

You know, I think the porn industry really blew it - thank you, thank you - by never latching onto Elizabethan theatre as backdrop.

darkblack said...

Happy fuzzy bunnies in lazy meadows, and kinky sex tips. Can't go blong (portmanteau of blog/wrong) with that combo.


Sure, Obama's dull, and snark stock is on the short sell. Competence and lack of drama is always ever thus.

That said, some sexy show trials might be around the corner, because try as they may to justifize and rationalate their acts, the galactic steamer that the Bush League laid on the globe just keeps on stinkin'.


Liberality said...

Well what has Bush done since he left the White House?

What is Rush saying now and why is it stupid?

I hereby tag you with the best 5 poets of all time, in your opinion, and why.

I also hereby tag you with telling us the 5 worst things Cheney did as vice president.

That should hold you over for awhile. ;)

Dean Wormer said...

What kind of music do they play in purgatory?

Paul Anka?

Tom Harper said...

Happy Birthday to Thomas Tallis.

Yes, Dumbya's one redeeming characteristic was that he was so easy to blog about. Dorky pictures from Google Images; and (now defunct) had hilarious spoofs of him. But I'm still glad the fucker's gone.

MRMacrum said...

Post about cats sitting on mouse pads like they're chilling on the front door mat. Butt parked hard on the mouse, nipping fingers that accidentally goose trying to break the fucking mouse loose.

There's always the recent miracle birth of eight kids to a woman who already had six. Wasn't six enough?

Beach Bum said...

I agree with Liberality, apparently the republicans have given the job of chief corporate stooge and mouthpiece to Limbaugh whose ego has continued to surpassed all limits of nature to regulate. Limbaugh will great for blogging material.

Stella said...

Limbug and his Dittoheads are excellent blog fodder. Now that I can rail again, I feel much better.

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

Seems some material may be coalescing with the nomination of Michael Steele. (politics)

Seems some shit may be stirring with the release of Michael Vicks (sports)

Seems some mischief might be afoot with Paul McCartney (old man/musician sex)

Seems some heartstrings might be pulled with the death of John Updike (literary)

Seems some chaos might be created with the latest French protests/jeudi noir (international AND french!)


and both of those musical selections were from hell, my friend. the bowels of HADES!

Randal Graves said...

darkblack, can I at least shoo the happy fuzzy bunnies out of the meadow before the whole kinky sex tips thing?

I imagine you're right about the upcoming dog and pony shows, and the 8th assistant of Yoo and the 19th of Cheney will be indicted as Criminal Masterminds®, but anything beyond that would be as shocking as the Browns going 14-2 next year. ;-)

liberality, Bush has probably gotten drunk a lot. No, he did attend a basketball game the other day!

Is the pill popper saying something before, during or after stuffing his face?

Five best poets? Oh, come on, that's impossible, quantifying art? Five favorites, sure. Er, maybe.

Does the Cheney thing have to be real or snarky? Wait, the goopers killed snark, so it's a moot point. ;-)

dean, Paul Anka singing Zeppelin?

tom, oh, so am I, but there's that nihilistic 2% part of me that enjoyed having a maniacal psychopath around.

mrmacrum, I swear I heard some cool jazz in the background as I read your prose riff.

Maybe they have a really big farm.

BB, I know some think he should be ignored, but I say give him the time of day, let the clinically insane 20% of the population go so over the top that they're more toxic than Paul Anka singing Zeppelin.

stella, there's no question that ObamaCo will fuck up, as they're part of a major American political party and thus have to by law, but lunatics like Rush and Cornyn bring out the rant like no one else.

JNRR, damn Steele, I was hoping it would have been my main man, representin' Fuckeye State, Ken Doll.

Some team will take a flyer on him once his time served is up.

I'll pass on the old dude bedroom shenanigans.

Oh, the French are always on strike. But Sarko l'Américain said that France is too conservative. That was comical.

I didn't expect anyone to enjoy the latter, but you didn't dig the Tallis? I'm telling the Super Magical Jesus Baby on you.

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

RG-go ahead and knock yourself out on the ratting me out to jesus thing. I have his calling card now, we're peeps (I'll be posting about it soon ...) and man, you just threw ALL of that material back in my face, eh? see if I help you out ever again. pshaw.

Spartacus said...

You're asking me? For chrissakes, I let my dog post the other day.