Saturday, January 17, 2009

I'm too sexy for sexy

"Hey, what's this lying around shit?"

"Well, what the hell's he spose to do, ya moron?"

Caught between the rock of The Novel From Hell, the hard place of stupidly starting a brand new story, and the terrible yet necessary work of jumpstarting the brain for the next round of l'école française -- at least I was smart enough to put aside that whole 'good husband and father' thing for the time being -- I humbly thank you recent taggers from the bottom of my wretched heart.

Hey, I know us library types are hotter than a crate of stiletto-heeled matchsticks doused with lighter fluid and set ablaze via a thousand-megaton nuclear bomb, but don't blame me for the drawing of the scantily-clad babe as I would never objectify women that way; apparently a certain someone would. Traitor!

Rules are usually not sexy one bit strap, but you know how these things are generally dressed. And since there are some, strip them away if you wish. If you're into bondage fun, you might find them orgasmic after all: pass it on to five other bloggers, and tell them to open the nearest book to page 46. Write out the fifth sentence on that page, and also the next two to five sentences. Personally, I have a problem with that last part because it gives a modicum of freedom to the recipient and that isn't very American.

Göring had by this time been stressing to the British Ambassador, Nevile Henderson - who gave the air of being more accommodating to German claims than his predecessor Sir Eric Phipps, whom he had replaced in April, had been - Germany's rights to Austria and the Sudetenland (in due course also to revision of the Polish border). To a long-standing British acquaintance, the former air attaché in Berlin, Group Captain Christie, he went further: Germany must have not simply the Sudetenland, but the whole of Bohemia and Moravia, Göring asserted. By mid-October, following the demands of Konrad Heinlein, the Sudeten German leader, for autonomy, Goebbels was predicting that Czechoslovakia would in the future 'have nothing to laugh about.' (Hitler 1936-1945: Nemesis by Ian Kershaw)
That wasn't very hot. Sorry.

Sexy bookworms:
Sherry Peyton

And decidedly unsexy ones:
Dean Wormer (an eye for an eye, a tag for a tag!)


Dusty said...

Whew, I didn't get tagged on this one..Praise Buddha! ;p

Liberality said...

I didn't put the part about opening a book to a certain page and quoting anything on mine so did I miss something--probably did as I'm just too freaking busy. However being here at the library I can go over to the steamy romance pbk section and find something suitably hot I'm sure.

Mary Ellen said...

Damn, that was a boring paragraph. The Bible has steamier, sexier stuff than that. They were begettin' all over the place in that book. Well, they also have talking donkey's in the Bible, which isn't too far fetched when you think of the jackasses we have to listen to on cable news...and political campaigns.

Randal Graves said...

dusty, you do realize that such a comment invites a tag next time 'round? ;-)

liberality, please do and balance out my dry fascism!

ME, true, but in between all the hot sex there's someone getting enslaved, stoned or slaughtered. Wait, I like violent books.

Next time I'll be sure to be seated next to my vast collection of naughty tomes.

Freida of the Bees said...

I am hereby claiming my immunity from this meme by posting the appropriate excerpt from Raold Dah'l compilation of ghost stories. Here's the appropriate passage:

"Then the roses danced before my eyes and turned red. The world turned red. Blood red. Wet red. I fell through redness to blackness to nothingness- to almost death."

See. I had to display such a good one. I haven't gotten past the introduction yet, and I'm already scared.

Oh, and Officer Randal Meme. I did your damned meme. Beware.

Be where?

You know.

Freida of the Bees said...

make that "Roald Dahl's"

Randal Graves said...

F of the Bs, that's a good snippet and I just might steal it to replace the crap intro I have on my new story, but after having read your warning over there about what you initially said over here you wouldn't do but did thereby proving your contrarian status - impressive *hoh heh* most impressive *hoh heh* - I am legitimately frightened as to what your future plans are concerning this unnamable meme of ultimate horror that you plan to foist upon little ole me. I hope it's only in the planning stages so I can buy some duct tape for my windows.

Utah Savage said...

Really unsexy reading man.

susan said...

Here I am wandering around in late afternoon with a mild headache because the SUN WAS SHINING this morning in Portland. I'm wondering if I'm becoming a troglodyte and then I see my name in lights (low ones, thank goodness) meaning I have been tagged. Okay, I'll go get an aspirin and open one of the books.. (sexy, huh?)

Beach Bum said...

This stuff was suppose to be sexy? Damn it, I guess I should have used one of my wife's chick lit books after all.

S.W. Anderson said...

Good thing I didn't get tagged. Anyone who'd get hot and bothered over something out of page 46 of a book on cascading style sheets would be even worse off than someone who finds Hitler-era reminiscences a turn on. And that would probably mean someone would be worse off than Dick Cheney — too disturbing to contemplate.

Randal Graves said...

utah, hey, I only followed the rules; page 46 of the nearest book, not the sexiest book.

susan, pop those pills and get typing. But remember, nearest book. Trust me, I could've found drier paragraphs than that.

BB, to David Duke?

SWA, who doesn't get all hot and bothered by 1930s European power politics?

susan said...

and I could have found steamier ones ;-)

Lisa said...

Well, at least it isn't death speed metal.

BTW, Rock Band has plenty of metal and MathMan is going to be gone for another three days......You can play Rock Band with The Spawn while I take off somewhere sans laptop to read books. Deal?

La Belette Rouge said...

Ooh, I have a new nickname, I am "a certain someone" and not just that I am a certain someone who objectifies women.;-) That, my friend, is art. But what do you call the photos of the Victoria Secret models that litters your blog?

Here I am trying to help you, a LIbrarian, up your sexy and then you go onto quote Goring. I did the best to help your image as a sexy guy and then you blew it.

Spartacus said...

WTF? I'm not sexy? Some friend you are. I'll do this tag, mon ami Randal. I'll do this tag, even though it breaks my heart.