Saturday, January 10, 2009

Divide and conquer











"What? No, Randal's not talking about Israel!"

If I was, it would be Smush-Em-In and Conquer.

Zing!

I was two out of four last week, which means I'm good enough to take Chris Berman's job. Further, I wouldn't do that annoying 'he-could-go-all-the-way' shit ad nauseum.

Baltimore at Tennessee: I do believe that the Titans are a better team, but being a born cynic, a bearer of toxic hatred towards the Baltimore franchise and a Cleveland sports fan, I have naturally failed to Gaza-ize the debacle of January 2001 where the Titans destroyed the Ravens in nearly every possible statistical category save the scoreboard. Merci, Monsieur Del Greco. And it's not as if Kerry Collins himself has fond memories of these guys, either. As much of a staunch supporter of fanciful sabermetricism as I am, you simply cannot discount the fact that you're dealing with humans, not computer programs. Thus, I'm going to permit myself a brief moment of hope and assume that only one of the teams I'm rooting against will advance. Tennessee did get a week off to rejuvenate and this is football, after all.

"That's not very cynical. Remember, Kevin Mawae is out."

You're right. Dammit. Ravens, 20-17.

Arizona at Carolina: If the Panthers don't run the ball forty times, especially given the fact that they have two guys that combined for over 2300 yards and 28 touchdowns on the ground, I'll be shocked. En plus, there's no way that the Cardinals play stout defense a second week in a row; the 2006 Colts they aren't. Sure, they can fling it around a bit, even if Anquan Boldin doesn't play -- Steve Breaston ain't a bad third -- but it won't be enough. Out of these four games, this is probably the easiest pick. Which is why I'll likely be wrong. Panthers, 34-21.

Philadelphia at N.Y. Giants: If the 2007 Giants can do it, right? Wrong. Sorry, Philly, I really wanted to pick you guys, but field goals won't cut it this time out against the three-headed monster and the best offensive line in the NFL. Oh, and pray to Cthulhu for extra snow and wind. That's always fun. Noo Yawk, 20-16.

San Diego at Pittsburgh: It's not that I feel a healthy LaDainian Tomlinson is a requirement for Californication, but it wouldn't hurt against the best defense in the NFL. Given the crapitude of Pittsburgh's offensive line -- 23rd(!) in rushing, 49 sacks allowed -- San Diego certainly has a shot if they can grind Roethlisberger into the frozen turf. On paper, this should be a replay of their meeting earlier this season, an ugly, defensive affair. With the potential for funky weather, what the hell. Toss another TD for each on the board. Steelers, 22-20.

One more thing:


















29-6, 19-0 at home. Just sayin'.

14 comments:

Hill said...

Sports.

I came back for this?

BWAHAHHAHAHHAA!

Hey, if you get the chance, stop by my place today. BIG changes underway.

:)

Alan said...

I bumped into you through a link on one of your friends blogs. Stop by and visit me at www.RobotNine.com
Alan

Mary Ellen said...

Man, I can't even comment on sports now. I've lost interest until baseball Spring training. Not that I care how the teams do in training, I just like looking at pics of the guys stretching on the field while they warm up for practice. The thought of all those studs stretching out on the field just warms my heart and stuff.

Utah Savage said...

Oh Crap! I thought you'd be posting about literary tortures of a Frenchy type or romantic poetry or slaughter in the Middle East, or the big bang of our economy crashing or....

Spartacus said...

Philadelphia at N.Y. Giants: If the 2007 Giants can do it, right? Wrong. Sorry, Philly, I really wanted to pick you guys, but field goals won't cut it this time out against the three-headed monster and the best offensive line in the NFL. Oh, and pray to Cthulhu for extra snow and wind. That's always fun. Noo Yawk, 20-16.

On behalf of the Giants, I thank you.

okjimm said...

aw, gees... nowza I gotza listen to pro-basketball for the next six-months!? Sheesh! and whatza wit ME. "The thought of all those studs stretching out on the field just warms my heart and stuff."

...kiddo, on-line porn. Then you don't haveta wait for spring training to get warmed up.

Stella said...

Cheer up, okjimm. We're an eclectic family. Trophy Husband likes pro-wrestling. The season never ends.

Beach Bum said...

I don't care anymore about the playoffs as long as Manning ends up in a coma.

MRMacrum said...

I have been using my considerable pent up Patriot frustration to place a pox on any team with a Manning on it. No comas, but maybe a broken digit or two on the throwing arms. Seemed to work last weekend. Maybe my Juju will take hold this weekend. Of course it will mean hoping Philly wins. Tough choice there, but well, McNabb isn't doing chunky soup commercials anymore. So I guess I will support him for a few hours.

Christopher said...

Will football season ever end?

For Christ's sake, they had a game on TV last night.

When football season finally wraps, I know spring is close at hand and warmer weather and baseball.

Sal Kilmister said...

Watch out for S.D. I think this won't be close...

Randal Graves said...

hill, you didn't reveal yourself as an agent of DHS, did you? ;-)

alan, will do.

ME, what okjimm said.

utah, why should I when the rest of you have that covered?

spartacus, hey, I'm only 3-3 so far (though in my defense, Arizona? What the hell was THAT?) so don't assume the Giants will win.

okjimm, imagine how insufferable I'll be if the Cavs win the whole thing.

stella, rasslin'? Yikes!

BB, you're an angry young man, sir.

mrmacrum, Philly at Arizona. What were the odds on that in Vegas back in August.

christopher, never end? Dude, baseball goes on for 78 months every year! Plus it's going to be in the single digits this week, muahahahahaha, etc.

sal, my man, I hope you're right. Pittsburgh vs. Baltimore makes me want to vomit.

Dusty said...

Dude...I might be going to the AFC Championship game next week...if of course, the Chargers can pull it off today...which the chances are slim...very fucking slim. My yuppie sista and her best friend are freezing their expensively-clothed asses off in Pittsburgh today.

Go Eagles! ;)

Christopher said...

Randal,

True but at least the games take place in warm weather!