Divide and conquer

"What? No, Randal's not talking about Israel!"

If I was, it would be Smush-Em-In and Conquer.

Zing!

I was two out of four last week, which means I'm good enough to take Chris Berman's job. Further, I wouldn't do that annoying 'he-could-go-all-the-way' shit ad nauseum.

Baltimore at Tennessee: I do believe that the Titans are a better team, but being a born cynic, a bearer of toxic hatred towards the Baltimore franchise and a Cleveland sports fan, I have naturally failed to Gaza-ize the debacle of January 2001 where the Titans destroyed the Ravens in nearly every possible statistical category save the scoreboard. Merci, Monsieur Del Greco. And it's not as if Kerry Collins himself has fond memories of these guys, either. As much of a staunch supporter of fanciful sabermetricism as I am, you simply cannot discount the fact that you're dealing with humans, not computer programs. Thus, I'm going to permit myself a brief moment of hope and assume that only one of the teams I'm rooting against will advance. Tennessee did get a week off to rejuvenate and this is football, after all.

"That's not very cynical. Remember, Kevin Mawae is out."

You're right. Dammit. Ravens, 20-17.

Arizona at Carolina: If the Panthers don't run the ball forty times, especially given the fact that they have two guys that combined for over 2300 yards and 28 touchdowns on the ground, I'll be shocked. En plus, there's no way that the Cardinals play stout defense a second week in a row; the 2006 Colts they aren't. Sure, they can fling it around a bit, even if Anquan Boldin doesn't play -- Steve Breaston ain't a bad third -- but it won't be enough. Out of these four games, this is probably the easiest pick. Which is why I'll likely be wrong. Panthers, 34-21.

Philadelphia at N.Y. Giants: If the 2007 Giants can do it, right? Wrong. Sorry, Philly, I really wanted to pick you guys, but field goals won't cut it this time out against the three-headed monster and the best offensive line in the NFL. Oh, and pray to Cthulhu for extra snow and wind. That's always fun. Noo Yawk, 20-16.

San Diego at Pittsburgh: It's not that I feel a healthy LaDainian Tomlinson is a requirement for Californication, but it wouldn't hurt against the best defense in the NFL. Given the crapitude of Pittsburgh's offensive line -- 23rd(!) in rushing, 49 sacks allowed -- San Diego certainly has a shot if they can grind Roethlisberger into the frozen turf. On paper, this should be a replay of their meeting earlier this season, an ugly, defensive affair. With the potential for funky weather, what the hell. Toss another TD for each on the board. Steelers, 22-20.

One more thing:


















29-6, 19-0 at home. Just sayin'.