Wild cat, wild thing, wild side, wild something

"The power of McNabb compels you!"

Atlanta at Arizona: Atlanta is Example #17296 illustrating the frustration of being a Browns fan: four wins, the cloud of Dog the Quarterback hovering above, the coach up and quitting on the team before the season is over, the malaise of being in one of America's shittiest sporting towns. So what happens? A rookie coach leads a rookie quarterback, for my money, the most impressive since Dan Marino -- shut up, Steelers fans, look at the fucking team that was around Roethlisberger -- starts 16 games, actually makes plays beyond "game management" and, with the help of 1600-yard free agent signee Michael Turner, goes 11-5, whereas Brady Quinn will no doubt break his leg in week 6 next season. Then there's Danny's fucking Dolphins going from 1-15 to 11-5. Fuckity fuckity fuck. Oh, yeah, this game. Hey, how 'bout that Kurt Warner, huh? One more thing: NFL Network knuckleheads -- I'm looking at you, Rod Woodson -- Chris Johnson was NOT the Rookie of the Year. A running back splitting time on a team whose strength is their defense against a quarterback in that situation? Dumbass. Falcons, 28-20.

Indianapolis at San Diego: The World's Greatest Quarterback® -- quiet, Bah-ston, your dude hasn't played since September -- is on a serious roll. But guess who led the NFL in ever important yards/attempt and TD passes? Yep, the guy with the funkiest delivery since Bernie Kosar. Tomlinson -- NOT LT, that was Lawrence Taylor, you fuckers -- is nearing the glue factory, but expect lots of weirdness, as is usually the case when these two meet (Vinatieri shanking a chip shot, Billy Volek to Darren Sproles). Colts, 33-24.

Baltimore at Miami: I know that a game that took place nearly two pretzeldential terms ago when only a handful of personages remain the same, but I can't shake the feeling that the same result will occur. Both teams play tough D, run the ball and ask their quarterbacks to not fuck up (the Dolphins, along with the Giants, turned the ball over only thirteen times; that simply doesn't happen). I'd love to see Ray Lewis resort to reliving Gladiator in his front yard after tomorrow, but The Fucking Ravens live on another week. Baltimore, 23-10.

Philadelphia at Minnesota: The prodigious powers of Purple Jesus notwithstanding, does anyone envision Tavaris Jackson being able to stand upright after the blitzkrieg flurry of destruction that Jim Johnson is going to unleash? En plus, Donovan has been here and Brian Westbrook is this era's Marshall Faulk. Ignore the 9-6-1 record, it's not out of the realm of possibility to see these guys in Tampa in early February. Eagles, 27-17.