Thursday, August 14, 2008

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me















"Oh, shit, it's
that time already?"

Ecstatic that our psycho offspring will soon be going back to school, I'm dreading that since I'll be doing the same I'll have to flip l'interrupteur français on once again -- whaddya mean this class isn't being taught in English? -- so, between that and using 90% of my USDA daily allowance of 0.3 joules of energy towards writing that fucking book, the remaining 10% to yelling at said psycho offspring -- my better half and I never yell at each other, merely scowl in between bouts of birding -- my brain is as soft as Johnny Mac's bowl of tapioca as it melts into runny, rancid liquid while he snoozes ever so sweetly underneath the blistering sun, exhausted from a long day of state fair pig squealing with Cindy.











Hey, dcap, I'm just fine, thanks, how 'bout my Cavs?
Mo Williams, less problems!

Talk amongst yourselves, stick bananas in the exhaust pipe of local Republican vehicles, get baked, bake some cookies, copulate, play bocce ball, play with yourself. Just don't do that last one in public, okay?

I think I'm going to take it easy, like it was Sunday morning.



Behind-the-scenes footage from the last Straight Talk BBQ.

"John! Wake up! I read the news today, oh boy!"
















"John! John! Did you see this report? We'll be the minority by 2050!"

















"Cindy, my friends and I are not plastered trollops."

29 comments:

FranIAm said...

"Hello friend. My name is John McCain. I am an old dumb fuck, stupid as shit and angry as hell. I am bitter. And that fucking c-u-next tuesday of a wife... Anyway please do vote for me in November, I need it. Cindy needs it. You don't, but worry not friend.

Je suis John McCain et j'approuve ce message."

Übermilf said...

I'm a plastered trollop, and I vote.

DCup said...

From here on, I'm calling you Randal Facile.

Missy said...

You know what I really hate about McCain? His hands. His short stubby fingers.

He's all stubby.

And short.

Like those evil thumb people in the Spy Kids movies.

That's what he reminds me of.

Randal Graves said...

fran, you know damn well that one so Mavericky would stoop to speak the low tongue of a bunch of cheese-eating surrender monkeys.

übermilf, you vote while drunk?

dcup, en français, that can have a naughtily suave connotation. In English, not so much. Damn Limeys.

missy, shit, you're right. They have this troll-under-the-bridge, leather-like quality going on. I betcha Cindy loves those paws on her at night.

Spartacus said...

You're easy? Dude, you're about as easy as a Cleveland Browns fan on Sunday evening after a game.

**Oops...I forgot you are a Cleveland Browns fan**

Dean Wormer said...

Little Blazer news for you, randal-

Brandon Roy's going to have knee surgery as of a late night press release.

Blazers can't catch a break. Sigh.

Randal Graves said...

spartacus, appreciate the low blow, though we DID go 10-6, same as your beloved Super Bowl winning Giants. Stupid fucking tiebreakers. Grumble.

dean, hell with the Cubs, that team might have a goat-based curse on them. I bet his knee gets infected, he misses the season as Oden goes for 15-10, blocking three a game.

enigma4ever said...

wow..Spart was picking on our Browns- that aint right....

So I guess McCain is not liked here....or cindy- could you find worse, more nauseating photos...

gee...( you know an Enthusiastic Fan hurt Cindy boo-hoo's arm...yeah- believe that ? I got some land I want to show you .......in siberia..)

La Belette Rouge said...

Ooh, Cindy scares me in that photo. You have a gift for finding the pictures that show the true soul of the individual. ;-)

Je ne regrette rien said...

RG-Cindy's just another nation John won't be invading in the 21st century. and how many times to I have to tell you, eet ees trollopE, my frrrrend, trollope!

Anita said...

well, of course, you know what having "short stubby fingers" implies ...

poor cindy. no wonder she looks so pissed.

Tom Harper said...

In that top picture, McCain is either wine-tasting, or he's receiving detailed instructions from his 4th-dimensional mentor.

"Ahh, it has that dry fruity taste, but perky. Napa Valley. Volatile acidity is a little high. It's a 1998 Zinfandel."

"Yes, Zorotralfamador. I understand. I will carry out your instructions as you have commanded. I will not fail."

Randal Graves said...

enigma, that's right, only we can pick on our Browns. As for Johnny, no, not a fan and these shots certainly aren't aesthetically pleasing. Mission accomplished. Hey, Bush, can I borrow that banner?

LBR, wait, these two have souls? I think that LA sun is getting to you. ;-)

JNRR, I don't even want to think about such grotesquerie. Er, car John est un homme - probablement - est-il un trollop alors que Cindy est-elle une trollope ?

anita, really? Shit.

tom, ha! Given the otherworldly sheen of the unidentified tabled object underneath his skull, I might have to go with your latter option. Also, the picture reminds me of the Star Trek pilot.

Unconventional Conventionist said...

That pic of Cindy - WHOA! Looks feral. Quite the mean beak. She could prolly snag a prarie dog out the hole in one fell swoop. Yikes.

okjimm said...

Shit&Whiskers! Another fun filled round of McCain Bashing! Damn! Until the NFL regular season starts,,,,,, well, game on!

OH, Wowsers.... the Cleveland Bashing season starts too! Wazza name of that lake again....? Lake Weary?

Randal Graves said...

UC, sweet beelzebub on a stick, that's a frightening image. CAW! CAW!

okjimm, hey, need something to occupy the time since the Indians currently reside in the great state of Suckitude.

Go eat some more cheese, frog! It's time to do what we do best, rock.

Border Explorer said...

Don't know if I can wait till 2050 for their ilk to be a minority. And how long 'till they're "extinguished species?"

puddy said...

ah yes... the troll and the trollop(e).

okjimm said...

//great state of Suckitude.//

hey, I kinda like that. Whatza capital of Suckitude.... Hooverville? Bushburg?

enigma4ever said...

randall - PT Cruiser is back- thought you would want to know ;-)

Randal Graves said...

BE, we could always stick black widow spiders in their bed to speed things up.

puddy, alright, your goal this weekend is write a children's nursery rhyme telling the story of the Troll and the Trollope.

okjimm, naw, I think it's just Washington.

enigma, see, no one can hold off the evil curse that is blogging forever!

Snave said...

When I first looked at the first photo, I thought it was of a rhesus monkey.

Too bad about Roy... damn. Here in Oregon, the Blazers are about the only pro sports we have. I haven't been to the Oregonian news site for a couple of days and thus I had not heard this news, but now I must go there to read and weep.

Snave said...

I feel better now after having looked at the Oregonian site. They say Roy will be ready to go by the beginning of the season.

The knee operations he has had are for meniscus cartilage... he has had one surgery on each knee. I have had too meniscus surgeries on my left knee already, with the doc saying I have about 60% of my cartilage left. Aieee!!! Gotta hold off on the knee replacement until I'm about 70 if I can, but hell, that's almost another 20 years! I have some torn cartilage in my right knee too, but haven't had any surgeries on that one... yet.

I think it's a fairly easy one to come back from though, not like torn ACLs and MCLs.

Go Blazers!

Utah Savage said...

I'm weirded out by the band doing Easy. Another near orgy missed.

Cincy's nose? Check out that lower jaw. I'm surprised she hasn't eaten john for a post xanex snack, and not in the good way you guys think of when your brains go--woman eat--mummm. And her evil, almost malemute pale eyes. I bet she can kill with a death ray glance in any direction.

Randal Graves said...

snave, HA! Yeah, I saw that he'll theoretically be ready for opening day. I hope so, the Blazers are a good story and they have a hell of a collection of young talent that I'd love to see lose in the Finals to my Cavs. As for your knee, I hope you've finally put your NBA dreams to rest. ;-)

utah, I dig some Faith No More, but I certainly wouldn't be sad missing out on a crossdressing orgy. Just not my bag.

Of course she can kill with a death ray. Standard factory issue.

Bradda said...

Randal, your going to waiting a LONG time for that children's story from Puddy. He's REALLY lazy...

American Hill BIlly said...

The caption, and following picture of McCain about the non functioning brain is priceless. I will definitely think about potatoes, and for sure give Neo-Cons a piece of my mind!


United In Peace

American Hill BIlly said...
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