In this topsy-turvy world of bloodthirsty tyrants hellbent, not for leather, but world domination, where supposed upholders of the law haughtily claim that it's not always a crime when such laws are broken and when your favorite sports teams fail year after year to win one of those shiny trophies -- wait, none of that is topsy-turvy at all! That's status quo! -- joys can seem all the greater even when they're small.
"That's what she said! Wooooooo!"
"Guess what came in the mail today?"
"Do I even want to know?"
*rifles through contents of envelope*
"Dude! Artist, do you know where your mother and I will be on Tuesday, September 23? At the House of Blues in beautiful downtown Cleveland to see the mighty Opeth."
"I hope you guys don't get shot."
Mind you, this was said, in direct contrast to my childlike exuberance, with the deadpanned nonchalance of an ex-con who knows something that you don't know, namely that you're going to get whacked.
"Well, we don't plan to."
"No one plans to."
I thought about throwing 'no one plans to have children either' back in her face, but I've used variations of that so often that the edge has dulled like a stick of butter that's sat out too long. So I told her that there are only two weeks left of summer vacation. Worked like a charm.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Kids say the darndest things, the little bastards
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21 comments:
So I told her that there are only two weeks left of summer vacation. Worked like a charm.
LOL! Hit 'em where it hurts, that'll show the little monsters!
Oh...and I hope you don't get shot, either 'cuz we know if so much as get a little scratch, we'd be hearing about how you almost died and then you'd try to guilt us into being nice to you or something. We can't have that.
ha, offspring. can't lock'em up in a windowless room until they're 18, can't live without'em. wait a minute ... CAN we lock'em up in windowless rooms now? did they change that law?
Ha! That story is great as well as the remark you almost tossed back.
Your a cheeky fucker Randal, I will give you that. ;p
ME, if I end up taking a round, I won't care if you're nice or not, only if you send sympathy cash.
JNRR, I think we can if we declare them enemy combatants.
dean, the only thing more fun involving one's kids is watching them do their chores, the sweet sound of angry grumbling filling the air.
dusty, yet unlike so many cheeky fuckers, I keep my cheeks in my pants!
Reminds me of that song, "Don't get killed."
So, whatever you do, don't get killed.
My preferred method of keeping them in check is embarrassment.
Look at you going out on the town in the big city. And, yes, please don't get killed we would miss your snarkitude and ennui.;-)
missy, I'm with you on the embarrassment. It was just weird to hear given that I come downtown nearly every single day of my life for work and I haven't gotten shot yet. Do crossbows count?
LBR, and I get to stay out past 10, too! Man, three bands, get up at five for work the next day. Sometimes it sucks not being 18 anymore. ;-)
You're not eighteen? WTF! How could anyone over eighteen be this juvenile, and still keep his monocle in place. Doesn't the monocle embarrass the kids into running from you once out in public?
Hah! She gets it from YOU!
utah, years of practice. And why the hell would I be concerned about my kids being embarrassed by anything I do? The monocle brings in the babes.
UC, that's a dirty lie and you know it! My wife's the fucking lunatic in our household.
Ya know.... I hadda look up Opeth....... I thought it was a new rendition of Hamlet or sumptin....like when Ophelia wins......
Anyways... be nice to your children....and they may be nice to you when you are older.
Bubba is dropping off some excellent gold bud sensimilla later tonight.
:L{ Where's Spongebob?
You're too cruel. Remind them that there are only 2 more weeks of summer vacation -- how could you?
Randal- If you really wanted to be cruel, you would quietly sneak into the kids room before you leave for work and start screaming to hurry up or they'll be late for school. After they jump out of bed, just tell them "Ooops, that's next week, isn't it? My bad."
...and then get the hell out of there. ;-)
okjimm, oh, you mean the director's cut where Ophelia busts out the Uzi and goes to town?
Naw, my kids are cool, just wanted to demonstrate their inherent oddity.
stella, my kids think I'm boring like Squidward. Thanks to them, I think I've seen every episode of that show.
tom, being cruel is the American way. They should be happy I didn't force them to watch a Bush press conference!
ME, now THAT is an excellent idea. ;-)
Work it, Mean Dad, work it.
Nothing says I love you like open hostility. ;-)
Were we ever really cool?
You've got that right! And I've had the occasional day where I might have been able to pass for 'cool,' but that's about it.
I'm sure someone else has said it but I'm not reading the other comments, at least not yet because sometimes I forget what it was I was going to say by the time I get to the end. Anyway, where was I, oh, talking about these long comment threads? No, my jealousy of your large readship? NO again. I am not jealous--I bet you are under tremendous pressure to constantly be witty and such, and I know that is a hugh burden that I want no part of since I am not quick on my feet at all!
Umm, oh yeah, I was going to say that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree--yeah that's it! :D
huge burden dude, I can spell sometimes.
heh heh heh... I love it when someone else picks up the mean Daddy baton... Run with it Randal, run with it!!! (Run Forrest Run!)
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