Friday, August 29, 2008

Hair Superiority

"Air show? Buzz-cut Alabamians Ohioans spewing colored smoke from their whiz jets to the strains of Rock You Like A Hurricane? What kind of countrified rube is still impressed by that?"

We've got the Cleveland National Airshow flying over our heads this weekend and if one takes a leisurely stroll downtown, one can see -- and hear -- various whiz jets practicing for the next war.

Being the archetype of patriotism made flesh that I am -- don't believe me? Look it up, pinkos -- I feel conflicted, for the harsh noise of screaming General Electric turbofans constantly interrupts my smooth, efficient paradigm shifting, yet without these planes, I'd be speaking Algonquian French German Russian Arabic. Furthermore, while completely understanding the utility of this weekend given its extended length -- settle down, Dole -- further confusion arises from the fact that we are celebrating our freedom-spreading capabilities around a day that remains a heinous affront to hardworking capitalists, the lamentable creation of lazy and corrupt unions still slacking on the effete, lie-brul East Coast.

Guess I'll do what any good American would do if he or she was in my shoes.


"Randal, worked for me for eight years, heh heh."

Oh, happy birthday, Johnny, you fucking lunatic.

I'd say get to the huffin' and puffin', but, that's like breathing for you.


Border Explorer said...

The Border Explorer regrets that she is stunned into silence by the overwhelming beauty of this post.

La Belette Rouge said...

Okay, what search terms did you Google to find that picture of McCaine? Must know more about your picture finding secrets.

dguzman said...

Enjoy the jets, buddy.

Randal Graves said...

BE, boy, imagine if I put any creative thought into in instead of bitching about loud jets!

LBR, actually, this picture is easy to find. I found some decent ones where he looks pretty pissed, but this was the only one where he was legitimately scowling. My Google-fu isn't all that good.

dguzman, what? I can't hear you.

Tom Harper said...

Ah, those air shows. Nothing else like them to bring on that old lump in the throat and welling of the eyes.

I saw the Blue Angels flying and zigzagging over downtown San Francisco a long time ago. It was cool to watch, but jeez, one tiny miscalculation and there'd be an inferno that would dwarf 9/11.

A San Francisco columnist wrote that the jet engines were so loud they almost drowned out the rap music coming from a nearby car.

My Inner French Girl said...

Randal, I can't believe you passed up the opportunity to quote my fave Simpsons' line! "And look, here is America's favorite waste of taxpayer dollars: the Blue Angels!"


susan said...

I now need some input about his VP choice since I've never heard of her and all I do know is she's only been Governor for two years.

Things are getting crazier all the time.

Randal Graves said...

tom, the air show is one of those things that in and of itself I've nothing against, but these events - maybe not Oshkosh since there's a lot of stunt stuff at that - are so pro-military propaganda in the Ronnie Raygun sense of the phrase with these long, extended fly-bys and oodles of military hardware. I went to a few of these when I was around ten or eleven and I can't imagine much has changed saved which planes are in service.

Didn't a MIG-29 have a serious, inferno type crash a few years ago at one of these things?

@SF guy, heh, heh, that's loud.

marjorie, aw shit, you're right! I'm impressed you nabbed something so new. Everyone knows the old crap!

susan, her inexperience is completely different from Obama's inexperience.

Plus she gets points for mooseburger vs. arugula. That's manly meat, I'm guessing.

DCup said...

I want to do nothing.

Will you please send Bush's white gloved butler over to take care of things at 'Tits HQ for he next few days?


Kvatch said...

Those white gloves are a good look for you. ;-)

Our Juicy Life said...

I was actually born on Labor Day, 1963. My poor mom was in labor on labor day.

I'll join you and do nothing. Sounds good to me.

Thank god my birthday is not on the same day as the fucking lunatic, I'd have to change it.

Randal Graves said...

dcup, but that means I'd have to go and do something. You can see the bind I'm in.

kvatch, looking good is the first key to feeling good. Must be why I don't feel so good. ;-)

OJL, for us non-moms, that's funny. Glad my wife's not in the room.

But there's always some loon born on every day. Whereas I've got Babe Zaharias, Claudio Abbado and Joe Strummer, I've also got Derek Jeter of The Fucking Yankees and Nazi stooge Willy Messerschmitt. Curse you, humanity!

fairlane said...

Now the Indians start playing? NOW?!!!

okjimm said...

airshows...yuppers, I have seen enough.

'Guess I'll do what any good American would do if he or she was in my shoes.'

Ok. I was in your shoes.....and I still wanted a beer rather than that sissy-wine-french shit....

...I think you might need new shoes. Barley flavored.

Our Juicy Life said...

on my birthday I have - tennis legend Jimmy Connors and Salma Hayek, Terry Bradshaw, Kenau Reeves, Robert Shapiro (OJ attorney), Chrisa McAuliffe (the first woman in space who died returning to earth), and Lennox Lewis. Not a bad group.

susan said...


Distributorcap said...

when you're a jet, you're a jet all the way.

fyi - i did NOT go to the last yankee-red sox game at the house that some guy named ruth built

it is raining here on labor day.

Randal Graves said...

fairlane, yeah, no shit. I suppose one of the teams ahead of us could pull a California Angels circa 1995, but both?

okjimm, I actually do need new shoes, you beer-swillin', NASCAR-watchin' redneck Yankee imperialist dog.

OJL, no Nazis, so you beat me. And hey, that's coming up. Giant internets party.

susan, he had the coolest schnoz outside of Jimmy Durante. I think he wrote some stuff, too.

dcap, somehow, that doesn't surprise me. ;-) Well, think of the rain as even more of an incentive to do zip.

okjimm said...

Nascar? I take umbrage, Sir! Nascar is rather like hockey with tires....go real fast, in circles, and end up where you started. Unless you kill yourself....

Randal Graves said...

But in hockey, you're actually allowed to use all 360° and no one has died. Though Richard Zednik did get his throat slashed by a blade last season.

My Inner French Girl said...

Meh. I'm not really sure what episode that line's from. I only really started watching The Simpsons a couple of years ago after B. got me hooked on it. Since I've been watching them in reruns I've no clue what order they're in.

Oh, and my other fave line/episode is where Homer ends up in heaven and God asks what the hell we did to Jesus, who's then seen sitting forlornly on a swing. "I don't know what you people did to him, but he hasn't been the same since." HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. HA.



Angie said...

When did Bush fall off the wagon or was he never really on it? I see so many pictures of him drinking nowadays. I don't blame him, I'd drink 24/7 if I were G.W. and had to put up with myself ***shudder at the thought*** Oh great, now I've given myself the creeps. I gotta go have a drink.

Randal Graves said...

marjorie, then you must buy them all on DVD. It'll be worth the loot, trust me, because of lines like that!

angie, I would too, but the scary thing is, he's so detached from reality, he probably sees those drinks as rewards for a job well done.

My Inner French Girl said...

Randal, oh, I intend to do a Simpsons marathon one of these days! I just have soooo many videos on my queue, it's embarrassing. I think we're up to 436 now, although that was a month or so ago. It could be double that by now. ;-)

I've seen what I can on reruns, but is it me, or does it seem like the newer ones -- while still LOL funny -- aren't nearly as sharp as they were in the early years?


American Hill BIlly said...

That was FUNNY!!! So, you used to cut the lines for Ole' Dubya's Coke???? Didn't cut them in the typical Nazi fashion one day, and he fired You??? Good thing he favored you, or he'd u sicked the IRS on you for god knows what he could think of...

United In Peace And Freedom