Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Lou Dobbs just had an orgasm

"Oooh yeah, that's it baby, speaka de English!"

Concerned about its appeal to sponsors, the women’s professional golf tour, which in recent years has been dominated by foreign-born players, has warned its members that they must become conversant in English by 2009 or face suspension.
For the record, golf is not a sport but a game of skill, akin to lawn darts and permutations of various drinking games. Hitting a round ball then walking to where it landed while someone carries the heavy stuff is not an athletic endeavor.

Let us compare this to actual sports, with actual physical exertion:
Major League Baseball, which has a high percentage of foreign-born athletes, said it had not seen the need to establish a language guideline. Pat Courtney, a spokesman for M.L.B., said baseball had not considered such a policy because it wanted its players to be comfortable in interviews and wanted to respect their cultures.

"Given the diverse nature of our sport, we don't require that players speak English," he said. "It's all about a comfort level."

The National Hockey League, which is based in Canada where English and French are the official languages, also places no such requirements on its players, although several clubs provide players with tutors if they express a desire to learn English.

The National Basketball Association, which had 76 international players from 31 countries and territories last season, follows a similar approach to the N.H.L.

"This is not something we have contemplated," said Maureen Coyle, the N.B.A.'s vice president for basketball communications.

What, you thought I'd waste time talking about the Dumbass National Convention? Don't be silly. On second thought, be a wee bit silly, mischievous, even. Some might go so far as to say elfin. Listen to the elf man who would require the least amount of nose-holding in November.

Unless, of course, Kodos were running and Diva/Nunly had been abducted by said creature from outer space:

Oh, Dennis, if only you didn't have a bad haircut. I feel your pain, my brother.


pissed off patricia said...

How much communication is required in golf? You tee off, follow the ball, your caddie hands you the club you need, you hit the ball again and so it goes. Which reminds me of the movie Caddie Shack, maybe the funniest movie ever.

Our Juicy Life said...

my dad was a golf professional and he never called it a sport!

I know baseball is a sport, but 1/2 of the guys are overweight and just hang around in the outfield, they don't look like they are in the greatest shape - at least not all of them.

now let's talk Le Tour de France or professional cycling...that's a sport!

DCup said...

Please do not ever use the words "Lou Dobbs" and "orgasm" in the same sentence ever again.

Thank you.

La Belette Rouge said...

America, and when I say America I mean me, doesn't want to wake up to Dennis's elfin head looking at it.

Every weekend of my childhood revolved around golf. And, after years of seeing white men pay $100,000 for the privilege of ruling the greens it is so shocking to me that there would be any subtle racism or sexism coming from the greens. But, I do remember many of my father's friends grumbling that they would never play golf with a woman. Is that sexist?

Randal Graves said...

POP, I wonder if golfers and caddies text each other now. Holy hell, is Caddyshack a work of genius.

OJL, you won't get any argument from me. I love when my fellow Murkans rag on soccer players. Yeah, the diving is a joke - it really is - but those are athletes. John Kruk wasn't.

dcup, the world is a disgusting place, mon amie. Be glad I didn't mention 'Lou Dobbs' and 'dirty sanchez.'

LBR, I wouldn't want to wake up next to Dennis either, I would much prefer Elizabeth, but he's one of the few I wouldn't need to hold back tossing cookies to pull the lever for. Besides, smart is sexy, dammit. Us men are not objects, sniff. Muah.

Sure. Obviously, dudes sometimes want to hang out with other dudes, but 'golf is a man's game.' Hell, I have a friend who has people at her work who refuse to be in a football pool with women 'because they'll cause headaches.'

The 1950s refuse to die, I guess. Just like golf!

Hill@TheTude said...

Bet Lou just squirted out little brown spermies.



susan said...

Wow! Wake up America, indeed! I wish I could vote for Dennis. I wish we could count on the process being fair and accountable. Those people were stoked, eh?

DCup said...

Oh, Randal, you just had to, didn't you. What cleans puke out of keyboards?

okjimm said...

//For the record, golf is not a sport but a game of skill, //

I take it you hold golf in low esteem. Just think of it as hockey, at a slower pace, played by men in plaid shorts. Then it's not so bad.

Wisconsin tried to pass a law that required English be 'spoken'....but it never caught on with the immigrants from Michigan.

Christopher said...

I love the male orgasm and I love making men have orgasms but, Randal, I have to say, the mental image of Lou "I hate Mexicans" Dobbs, having an orgasm, is just wrong and very disturbing.

I am fighting the urge to either beat my head against the wall to make the image depart or drinking bleach to clean my brain cells, or both.

Lou Dobbs just can't be allowed to have an orgasm.

Non, Je ne regrette rien said...

great. now I have to skip dessert after that nightmarish vision you just planted in my mind's eye. just swell.

Randal Graves said...

hill, gag indeed, thanks for that.

susan, it's just frustrating. I have no clue what the answer would be, but I bet a good deal of those on the center to the left and beyond would vote for him, but it's "well, he would never win." Self-fulfilling prophecies.

dcup, oh no, this all started with you. This is like blaming the one bad apple private for Guantanamo. Muah.

okjimm, but I don't think it's within the rules of golf to check someone if they're taking too long to set up to putt.

Any joke that makes fun of Michigan is swell in my book!

christopher, Lou getting his jollies is something all sexuals, hetero-, homo- and a- can agree is a crime against nature.

JNRR, strangely, because it's so unlike me, I feel proud to have caused so much misery with this post. Sniff.

Utah Savage said...

What's wrong with Dennis's haircut?

Randal Graves said...

Well it's obviously not as swanky and manly as that of that stud Romney, though I'm using it more as a catch-all for how he's frankly disdained by the MSM on appearance.

If he was 6'3" and had Hollywood looks, the fucker would be on the tube a LOT more. This is America, we love the superficial.

Non, Je ne regrette rien said...

DUDE-I didn't even look at the YOUtube, I was so grossed out by your orgasmic reference. High five and jinx you owe me a coke!

Non, Je ne regrette rien said...

ps-I didn't know Hitler's hairdresser was still alive. and in Ohio.

Missy said...

Golf is a country club sport; not unlike tennis and swimming. I did all three in my youth and I can honestly say hell yeah, they're prejudiced. You damn well better not speak spanglish in my club house.

And what's this chit about Mitchiganians, eh? Everyone knows Ohio is the arm pit of the nation, Mr. Mistake-by-the-Lake.

So let's do the Kucinich tally: in the past 8 years I've lost my good credit, my country club membership, my car, my health insurance, haven't quite lost the house *yet*, and my sanity.


Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!

(snicker... in the hole)

Border Explorer said...

(sigh) ...and the country's in the toilet.
I have bad news on this topic. Obama spoke here Monday to a crowd of invited "undecideds." The local newspaper printed the top 6 applause-winning ideas he spouted. Regarding immigrants on the list was: "We'll make them learn English."
I call that pandering. Pure and simple.

Spartacus said...

Dude...if there's no physical exertion in golf, the Women's Golf Tour has to find a way to exert their energy some other way. Jeebus knows their not getting laid. It's either that or some bean counter decided it was too expensive to hold tournaments overseas and needed an excuse to cut the budget.

okjimm said...

..rules of golf to check someone if they're taking too long to set up to putt. //

It would certainly push the TV ratings right on up there. You may be onto something here.....'Full Contact Golf'... it's got reality sports written all over it

Dr. Zaius said...

What about Women's Beach Volleyball? They speak the international language of bikini love...

As far as Kucinich is concerned - the little twerp did OK. ;o)

Beach Bum said...

Well you have read what I think of golf, not including putt-putt, and wish the "sport" was restricted to places like the North and South Dakota.

Suzi Riot said...

"We're merely exchanging long protein strings! If you can think of a simpler way, I'd like to hear it!"

Randal, aren't you impressed with the way I've linked Lou Dobbs orgasming with Kang and Kodos? I know I'm proud. And grossed out.

And I hate golf.

FranIAm said...

The thought of Lou's cum makes me - ahhhhhh I taste the throw up again!

Randal Graves said...

JNRR, I'm glad I could make even more people queasy!

I prefer it when he's sporting the bowl chop.

missy, yeah, well, your aging rust belt city is in even worse shape than my aging rust belt city! Nyah nyah nyah!

Heh heh, you said hole, heh heh.

BE, what's so comical about it is that immigrants WILL learn English merely be being here. You don't have to force anything. What's what generally happens, offspring bilingual, grandkids have mastered English? The language crap is such a strawman.

spartacus, I don't know, aren't some of their players doing the sexy calendar bit? Maybe they can hold tournaments at Woods' new place at Dubai. I wonder if they'd have to golf in burkas.

okjimm, you know, that I might watch.

dr. zaius, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear that you enjoyed women's volleyball!

Of course he did okay, they finally gave the poor guy a couple of phone books to stand on. ;-)

BB, we could make them construct their courses within vast fields of windmills on the open plains of the Dakotas.

suzi, I'm proudly grossed out by your skill. Now where did I put that garbage can...

fran, stop it! Oh, karma, perhaps you do exist!

Freida Bee said...

Randal- When you see Dennis at the vegan supermarket there in Cleveland, will you give him a big ol' french kiss for me. You can slap a wig on him first if need be....

Thanks in advance, Freida.

Dean Wormer said...

Hey, where'd my comment from yesterday go?

I said something about golf being tougher than you make it sound. Especially if you're trying to not spill your class of Crown Royal.

Randal Graves said...

FB, oh, this is the source of the frenchie thing. He has a local office in a mall not too far from my residence, but even though I enjoy voting for him, I will not be getting physically intimate with the Representative. But I'll pass along your website.

Heh heh, website.

dean, sorry, you must've said something that violated national security.

Now, drunk golfing, that qualifies as a sport.

susan said...

I read about the line Obama made him take out of the speech: 'These guys want another 4 years? In a just society they'd be doing 10-20.'Too bad. It would have brought the house down.

Randal Graves said...

Now that's the Democrats I know and loathe. Play nice, children.

"But, mom, the bully punched me in the head."

I said play nice.

American Hill BIlly said...

Fucked Up!!! Sports/Games of Skill/or the such help unite people. They are a way in which people can communicate, and understand each other without 4 languages under their belt....I wonder what ole' Lou will be saying as more, and more of the world focuses out of the US for sports, and entertainment??? Maybe he can host a Chinese sitcom; where he is the actual ass of the show....The Satire as he tries to speak Mandurin!!LOL

United In Peace And Freedom