Wednesday, August 13, 2008

When there is ass to kick, we'll be there

In the rarefied air of expert ass kicking, there are those who do so with a stunning, gravity-defying flair and a bloodless, poorly-dubbed wounding such as the man below on our left, a legend we should never forget:


"I know you didn't forget me."

No, sir, Mr. Norris, that would be crazy talk.

Of course that movie still was photoshopped.

Please have your beard, and all the fists it contains, back off.

Someone who decided that I also shouldn't be left behind like American schoolchildren -- and Chuck Norris, yes, sir, I remember, I've evolved, oops, moved beyond such forgetfulness -- is one of my favoritist bloggers clogging the tubes with her patchouli and stolen reading materials, fellow book geek and head of the EPA in the next presidential administration, Liberality. We'll overlook her weirdo filthy hippie vegetarianism just this once.

Man, I sure could go for a thick, juicy burger.

Oh, dreaded awards posts with your pros of virtually writing yourself and your cons of trying to narrow it down. Though I'm sure everyone at some point will get one, all of us being denizens of the lefty anarchist bomb-throwing echo chamber that we are, never attuned to the reality of the real world and all its realness and realistic realism, instead locked up in our basements with our illegal stashes and homemade wine as we pen angry screeds against The Man, this veritable hell of empty hedonism and self-flagellation barely illuminated by a single bulb whose filament is about to burn off, so reminiscent of that last joint, everything turning to ashes in our mouth as even our pen runs out of ink, one more brilliant manifesto unfinished, soon to be kindling for the fire to heat our crypt since we, in a further fit and start of defiance, refuse to pay our bills to our corporate oppressors.

Rage, rage against the dying of the bulb!

The rules, chumps:

1) Choose five other bloggers that you feel are "Kick Ass Bloggers"
2) Let them know that they have received an award.
3) Link back to both the person who awarded you and also to
4) Visit the Kick Ass Blogger Club HQ to sign Mr. Linky and leave a comment. And don't forget your non-refundable deposit of $9.95 for your t-shirt. You should receive them in 6-8 weeks.

And now, the Mighty Five. Pass the vodka.

1. Border Explorer, because unlike the majority of Americans who so easily get caught up in the feverish wave of Teh Other Haz Scaree, she doesn't. The real pimps and prostitutes aren't roaming the streets outside a RNC-sponsored event, they're agribusiness lobbyists roaming the halls of Congress with more say than you or I could ever hope to have in our fondest dreams.

2. The Dean's Office, because I have to, if I ever want to get off double secret probation. Plus he writes with acuity and verve on all kinds of crazy crap, and who doesn't dig that? Oh, Stones are still better than your precious Beatles. Nyah nyah nyah!

3. Little Bang Theory, because the cunning runt's a picture taking fiend, and boy, are his pictures of the natural world stunningly beautiful, almost enough to get me to sell my teevee and move closer to nature. Maybe in between football seasons.

4. phantsythat, because susan vividly animates, both verbally and visually, slices of this crazy passive/aggressive, manic/depressive joyously psychotic existence we call life. En plus, since she's an artiste, creative types always get big-time bonus points.

5. Perspective of an American Hill Billy, because the man is attempting the connect the dots, and The Flying Spaghetti Monster knows there's a hell of a lot of 'em to sift through. If only he posted more pics of scantily-clad celebrity babes roaming around his Latin American home.


pissed off patricia said...

You have introduced me to four new sites, thanks. I've been to the Dean's office frequently.

susan said...

Thanks RG. I'm not usually up here so early since I have to make preps to go sit in my non-profit corporate cube but I woke with a weird premonition about a video and had to check. So I got to replace and got a nice surprise. See you later :-)

DCup said...

Now that's a great list of ass kicking excellence, Mr. Graves.

Border Explorer said...

Truly, I can't thank you enough for this honor, Randal. I will do my damnedest to kick ass with renewed force to live up to this award (if only I could do it with your eloquence!)...Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Dean Wormer said...

I don't feel so much as if I've been tagged as if I've been roundhouse kicked to the solar plexus.


Randal- you are the James Dalton of the internet.

"Pain don't hurt."

Mary Ellen said...

Oh man, three more blogs that I haven't read yet...I have some catchin' up to do.

puddy said...

nicely done graves... i got me some readin to do.

and you gotta love deaner's classic roadhouse reset.

Randal Graves said...

POP, yeah, so get readin' and dean's the man. But not The Man, because then he'd be über-rich and powerful and not just the head of a university.

susan, well, you Canucks are well known slackers. Must be all the weed. ;-)

dcup, strong enough to take on Chuck Norris' pinkie!

BE, you deserve it, with your middle finger to the shenanigans of The Man.

dean, thank you sir for the compliment, but I'm afraid I just don't have a mullet, and all disciples of Dalton must.

ME, yeah, you do, you're the real slacker! Pothead!

puddy, The Second Greatest Movie Ever. After Red Dawn, of course.

Utah Savage said...

Great list and though all of the above are on my blog roll I just hang around you first bunch of awarded slackers. I will now neglect you for those other great thinker/writers.

Übermilf said...

Pain don't hurt

hee hee hee

Mary Ellen said...

ME, yeah, you do, you're the real slacker! Pothead!

Sheesh...that was harsh! I'm going to go soothe my hurt feelings with a joint, and you're not invited! (Slams door and stomps away).

Randal Graves said...

utah, yeah, go read the rest of those jokers. I don't have anything else to say anyway.

Hey, you in the back, stop cheering.

übermilf, since Dalton only used fisticuffs as a last, instead of first, resort, can he be considered a Real American®?

ME, fine, be that way! Keep your stash! You can't have any of my hooch! Hmph!

Mary Ellen said...

ME, fine, be that way! Keep your stash! You can't have any of my hooch! Hmph

Geez...was that our first fight? Wanna have make up sex? ;-)

Unconventional Conventionist said...

I need to get out more. I shall read these kick ass bloggers pronto!

Spartacus said...

Great list...I know some but not all...Will have to click over and check them out...because you say so...

So it shall be written. So it shall be done.

Randal Graves said...

ME, I think our second, but bien sûr. Did you know that doing it with an atheist is a religious experience? ;-)

UC, and the best part? You don't actually have to get out!

spartacus, now I feel like busting out some old school Metallica.

Mary Ellen said...


Is it something like this?

La Belette Rouge said...

Thanks for sharing the great sites with us. You certainly know how to find them!!!
And, the first picture had me hoping that this post was about the shoes. ;-)

Distributorcap said...

more to read

on another note
are you ok randal

there has not been a sports post in about 45 seconds


The Cunning Runt said...


Tanks. Many tanks.

Many, many tanks.

That is all.

Randal Graves said...

ME, that doesn't ever begin to cover the sexiness.

LBR, maybe after I actually buy some new shoes, which I really do need. "Hey, I can see concrete!"

dcap, ask, and ye shall receive. ;-)

TCR, de rien, but don't you think the world has enough tanks already? Well, maybe not hot water tanks.

Freida Bee said...

Randal, I have also awarded you a ... similar award. You deserve it, dear.

Stella said...

There are no bad posts on your site, randal. That picture of Cindy McCain is horrifying. She's got the same evil look as that Coulter Woman. Maybe it's a Rethuglican thing? Seriously, "First Lady?" (~shudder~) I think she sickens me more than the ghoul she married.

American Hill BIlly said...

Cool man, Thanks for the award!!!

Joe Shmoe said...

You know how some people cringe when they see a clown? I cringe when I see your pics of McCain and his C**T (his own words)of a wife.
You picked some great pics of him to post, my toe nails curled just looking at them.
I cringe when I see clowns too so would that make McCain a McClown?
Hmm I need to do another bong and really ponder this one.