Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Frightener

I had planned on skipping work to attend the local 9/12 Taxes Are For Socialist Reds/Killing An Arab/White Power/Mispeled Postur/Make Baby Beck Cry rally*, but the Merry Old Land of Nod remained naught but a faraway illusion last night and now my skull, full of icky consciousness, is screaming in silent terror, all thanks to a certain person who shall remain nameless for her own protection not from my inaudible yet righteous scowling clear across the continent which, though considered quite formidable in most circles, is mere fluffy bunny child's play compared to this black pit of blasphemous horror, but from this black pit of blasphemous horror, so utterly blasphemous and horrible, it should be said twice, which it was, nearly thrice, as it were, so good on me:

Every time I see Kissinger I think of what I heard Mami VanDoren say about him. Supposedly he wore stinky and holey socks to bed. The mental image of Kissinger naked with foul socks is enough to make me wish you had a picture of Chimpy and his pet goat.
Wow. What did I ever do to you?

"Two hundred an hour for two girls is the most I'll pay. What's that? Oh no, that is acceptable. I've got a pocket full of napalm and I'm not afraid to use it."**

*Did you see how I posted this at 9:12 on 9/12? Solidarność!***
**Pretend you can hear my bad Kissinger accent. Merci.***
***Let these foreign words be a warning, patriots! Ever vigilant!


Christopher said...


All the Glenn Beck loving, God fearing, President Obama hating (we know who they are -- LMAO) folks will either be in Washington DC today or at very least, glued to their TV, channel tuned to FIXED Noise, American flag on the wall, beer in one paw, the other paw rammed into a bowl of tater chips.

Ain't Murika great????

Sherry Peyton said...

Well, Proust would be proud. That is the longest sentence I've read in some time. Felt like being inside a bumper car in a pinball machine. Thanks I think. I need aspirin.

Holte Ender said...

Sherry, I though it was like reading Frank Zappa lyrics and training to be an astronaut at the same time.

Mary Ellen said...

I like it when you're sleep opposed to your every day depraved. ;-)

Tom Harper said...

What, you couldn't be bothered to attend that "9/12 Taxes Are For Socialist Reds/Killing An Arab/White Power/Mispeled Postur/Make Baby Beck Cry rally" in Washington DC?

Our country is being destroyed from within by a Marxist terrorist president who was born in Kenya. Your country needs you!

TomCat said...

9:12 on 9/12. Randal, you have not been into the Kool-Aid, have you?

Randal Graves said...

christopher, hey man, *I* like potato chips. They're made from potatoes, a product of Idaho, a state in Real America®.

sherry, I think if Proust read my stuff, he'd dump bags of stale potato chips on my head.

holte, Weasels Ripped My Blog! Each time someone says 'astronaut,' I can't help but think of this.

nunly, that hurts. Just for such a painful dig, I plan on sleeping Rip Van Winkle style, then blogging, then we'll see how you like that, smartass.

tom, but I have to protect my Real American® potato chips from Reds here in Ohio! Remember, "they're" everywhere!

tomcat, I knew it, you're a socialist, too. See, "they're" everywhere!

Beach Bum said...

A bunch of tea baggers in Washington, DC this weekend? That's going to push the collective IQ of the nation's capital into the astronomically negative realm. And to think I thought it couldn't get any worse when Bush and his crowd lived there.

To be honest, one my bosses is part of the lemmings, I mean crowd, taking part in that stuff. One of this guy's most cherished possessions is a picture of him and Joe Wilson shaking hands.

susan said...

"9/12 Taxes Are For Socialist Reds/Killing An Arab/White Power/Mispeled Postur/Make Baby Beck Cry rally"

As one of my only regular news sources you've served once again to prove my theory that the general level of intelligence in the US has slipped into negative numbers. They'd have to save up just to afford to be stupid.

La Belette Rouge said...

Tee-hee!!!!!!!! I made you scream in silent terror. I scared you. I inspired a post. I got you to do your Kissinger accent. Wins all over the place.

Just think if I hadn't shared this piece of boudoir kiss and tell with you that you would have had to write about sports.

Speaking of which, keep up the sports posts and I will bring out the big guns and pockets full of Napalm( yes, I have other rich mental images you will never be able to wipe from your mind that make this look like fluffy bunny child's play).

AArdvarker said...

Kissinger from the old Viet Nam days was a horror. Now I see him with smelly socks on top of all the atrocities. Kissinger on Smellyvision

Randal Graves said...

BB, hahaha about your boss, that would be funny if it were true. It's not true, is it?

susan, I might have taken liberties with the official title of the gathering, but I'd say it's accurate.

LBR, I'm actually contemplating posting less about sports.

Oh, who am I kidding, I'm a masochist. Hit me with your best shot.

AA, it's a whole new level of sick, twisted evil.

Demeur said...

Henry always reminds me of Dr. Strangelove or is it the other way around?

Remember there's red potatoes in Idaho too Randal. How un american.

The 9/12ers have two brain cells amongst them and they left one at home.

darkblack said...

'The mental image of Kissinger naked with foul socks is enough to make me wish you had a picture of Chimpy and his pet goat.'

...You do now.


sunshine said...

Hmmm... I wonder why he wore socks to bed... :)
I like the 9:12 on 9/12 thing.
Sigh.. you're so smart Randal...

S.W. Anderson said...

The thought of Henry the K romping in bed with anybody is, uh, off putting, besocked or sockless. Something about that subterranean, gravely voice trailing off . . . and then a guttural "uh, oh, ohh!"

I mean, some poor chick would be there wondering if the guy just had an infarct, or at the climactic moment indulged in a fantasy about a nuke going off in the middle of Hanoi, or something.

Randal, you sure know how to conjure up industrial-strength creepiness.

Utah Savage said...

Once you sent me off to LBR's place I stayed and read and commented and forgot all about you.

And there is little as disgusting as the thought of Kissinger sex. Eewww! Dirty socks and Kissinger nearly naked is not to be imagined. You are sinking into the slimy slime. While I have merely resorted to posting ages old video clips of Hitler mourning various idiocies.

TomCat said...


Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

I was at a play, and some buffoon behind me was making this aweful laugh and talking a lot. I finally got so fed up I turned around to tell him to STFU and the Secret Service guys protecting Kissinger all had made that click noise that you hear about in the spy shows.

I can believe he has stinky, hole-ridden socks. I bet he has nasty toenails on his cloven hooves that ripped the socks, too.



Randal Graves said...

demeur, red potatoes? Do the patriotic militias know about this infiltration?

darkblack, you bloody bastard. Seek help, for your benefit, and ours. ;-)

sunshine, you can be smrt too if you watch hours of Glenn Beck.

SWA, I may have conjured it, but you just fed it and invited it to stay for awhile. Someone please wash my brain.

utah, I'm wallowing in the muck? You should direct your subtle barbs to the instigator of this filth, the so-called classy LBR. I blame the nefarious influence of Los Angeles.

tomcat, the perfect summation!

tengrain, given his bloodlust, you're lucky to be alive. He must've had a big lunch of third-world carcasses.

Dr. Zaius said...

Have no fear! criminal neo-conservative Paul Wolfowitz will carry on the Kissinger tradition!