Work that swanky monocle!
Actually, not until next Friday, International How Does It Feel Day -- if you're going to get righteously indignant, be ready for a month-long death metal jihad, just sayin' -- but since this is my last post until after the long holiday weekend unless I die then I hope to materialize enough ectoplasm to type from the beyond the grave, ooky spooky, I had decided to begin concocting brilliantly subversive plans to anatomically --
"Dr. Frankenstein, I presume?"
--shut up, Stanley, I mean, atomically and paradigmatically shift the chemical bonds of blogging molecules, conjuring such an ingenious orbit of various digital and prose media that you'd swear dark age alchemy was indeed as factually true as the leprechaun, but then I realized that I'm me, which means I am required by law to put up a picture of a scantily-clad chick and/or something stupid, accompanied by some mildly humorous verse, but then I realized what the fuck do I care, then I realized I really should get started on at least pretending to care about this research paper, then I realized this paragraph has, despite staying in the same ballpark frank, become the mustard, which I'm sure a lot of you don't like, but I love mustard -- much better than ketchup, even moreso than catsup -- so I'm going to sit here dreaming about mustard while you all do whatever it is that you do on weekends, just wipe up your own bodily fluids. Oh, that's right, a lot of you are also in long-term relationships. Wipe up your own cheese doodle dust off the couch cushions during commercials.
Picture of a scantily-clad chick.
Picture of something stupid.
This verse is mildly humorous
If your funny bone is humongous
Like a 1950s sci-fi man-eating fungus
That is trying to live among us
By abjuring chowing man, woman or pet.
Good luck with that, but don't hedge your bet
For after chomping the hedge -- roughage! -- oh, the table he'll set
with knife and fork and gooey innards, um, as dead as a New York Met.
P.S. Does anyone else get spam for Dish Porno?
"Read it again."
Oh. Dish Promo. That's decidedly less sexy, even with big savings.