Saturday, September 19, 2009

Naughty by nature

Cleveland. Our teams may be minor, but our corruption is big league.

Now that's marketing. C'mon, you gotta admit that that's my best idea since the last book proposal I had, The Marxist Poetics of 'Yo Mama So Fat.'

[more crap]

The above is a common placeholder when typing up the post that I sometimes mentally compose on the bus because by the time I get to work, having been distracted by a weird, ambient sound, a strip joint bus in front of a church, the rock and/or roll eviscerating my hearing even further and, last but not least, shambling to clock in on the Orwellian computing machine lest I not officially be here -- just check the security camera for someone flipping the bird, doofi -- the tenets of arcane wisdom that I had planned to impart upon thee have decided of their own volition to merrily float in detached bliss amidst the low-hanging neon purple and orange ether as I wander aimless throughout the black, foreboding landscape of my skull cavity.

What's with the Crowes' version of disco inferno below, you inquire, especially since I just posted some of their stuff not too long ago and it's not as if there aren't fourteen billion other bands --

"Like the Beatles!"

Shut your piehole. Oh, ?. Don't want to neglect proper punctuation and have the top secret paramilitary assassination squads of academia on my ass. Anyway, the diabolical summoner of that putrid devil Kissinger unwittingly gave me in a comment the ending for the next as-yet-unwritten edition of Serial Flasher Friday Fiction and despite the blasphemy against Cthulhu's green earth, one must reward good work, plus I'm loving this fucking album so too bad for you. A word: don't cross Popeye Doyle tonight, he's in a bad mood. If only I had a hat like him, I'd be 47.8% cooler.

BYOgoldlaméhotpants. Now let's dance.

"You loathe dancing."

Not with babes in hot pants, stupid.


Übermilf said...

are there a lot of babes in hot pants at the library? Because that's not how I pictured it.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Do they have you working in the (ahem) "card catalog" again?

Both hands on the keyboard, sir, where we can see 'em at all times.



Randal Graves said...

übermilf, you've heard the term smart is sexy? Here, we're living it.

tengrain, just a minute, hang on, I'll be right there, knock next time!

sunshine said...

Wow! I love that song. Very upbeat for you.
Hmmmm... what's going on? *tap,tap,tap*

I think I'd pay good money to watch you dance with a babe in hotpants.
Now that would be funny.... ;)

A stripper bus in front of the church? You REALLY need to get a camera....


TomCat said...

Randal, you aren't off the wall this time. You left it far behind. ;-)

You and I this weekend my friend. Your bungling play my gelded Broncos to see who gets to be laughing stock of the NFL.

Randal Graves said...

sunshine, are you trying to sully my hard-earned rep as a moody curmudgeon?

Oh sure, you think that's funny now, but once you're scarred for life, don't come crying to me. ;-)

I see that stripper bus all the time, but never in front of the church anymore.

tomcat, I'll take that as a compliment. ;-) Dude, did you see us give up 752 rushing yards last week? Whatever the line is in Denver's favor, double it. We are terrible.

Christopher said...

A stripper bus in front of the church?

Obviously, it wasn't a Catholic church.

Otherwise, the bus would've been marked the Pedophile Express! LOL!

I know the Catholics are pushing back hard, mounting a new propaganda campaign that there is no such thing as a "pedophile priest," but the reality is very, very different.

I just saw a piece dated from July 8, 2009, where a New South Wales Catholic priest plead guilty to molesting dozens of boys on separate occasions in the 1970s and 80s.

John Sidney Denham was originally charged with 134 child sex offenses relating to 39 boys in Sydney, Newcastle, the Hunter Valley and the state's mid-north coast.

If the stripper bus was parked in front of a Catholic church, at least the ladies will be safe because everyone know priests only dig little boys.

Holte Ender said...

You can't have successful sports teams, an honest county government and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. One out of three is all a city gets.

Go Spooner Oldham.

Randal Graves said...

christopher, it was Catholic. The church, not sure about the tastes of the strip joint patrons.

holte, wasn't that a Meatloaf song (adjusted for inflation)?

Snave said...

I would rather see a church bus in front of a strip joint. I think that would be funnier! Heh!

But either way it is a great image.

Beach Bum said...

Strippers at a church? Must be an old fashioned revival. Nothing will give you religion like a naked babe pole dancing.

susan said...

Do you actually own a pair of gold lame hot pants?

Demeur said...

L'me guess the strippers were hired by the nuns.

The Cunning Runt said...

Y'all are bad, talkin' shit about pedophile priests - I mean, hell, nobody's perfect...

But with gold lamé hot pants in the mix, I can imagine letting a few things slide...

Randal Graves said...

snave, now that would have been the ultimate shot.

BB, gives new meaning to the term snake handling.

Hey, how's your son doing, better I hope?

susan, doesn't everyone?

demeur, that sounds like the plot of a porno.

TCR, forgiveness is the way of the lord. Praise be to Hef.

TomCat said...

Randal, Denver at home -3. The only reason they beat the lackluster Bengals last week was a fluke play at the last minute.

Tom Harper said...

Nice placeholder at the top. Every city, county and state should have placeholders like that made up, and they should be distributed free everywhere, like those ubiquitous free newspapers that are nothing but ads.

That Face! said...




Hill said...

Love it that you flip the bird to the security camera at work...


Ah, yes, the things we take pleasure in....


TomCat said...


puddy said...

yeah... that's a tough loss for the brownies. off to baltimore next week... doesn't get any easier, that's for damn sure. my jets are flyin high... for now.

oh yeah, i think i'm going to win your fantasy baseball league (fascist americanos.)

Utah Savage said...

You sure write a lovely post about the usual stuff and make it all sound so new and interesting. I guess that's why we all come back day after day to see you. But this long, engaged, and loving comments thread just makes me feel jealous and sorry for myself. I don't own gold hot pants anymore.

Randal Graves said...

tom, you're talking about babe-in-hot-pants placeholder, right? Of course you are.

TF, that should make up for my casting barbs at your precious Beatles, no? ;-)

hill, when stuck in a rut, gotta take joys in the simple pleasures.

tomcat, did I not say that we're the worst team in the league? Hell, we'd make Stafford look like the second coming of Johnny U.

puddy, I might have to revise my 3-13 prediction downward. And either you or snave. I had a major league flameout. Hell, in the consolation game, seven days, ZERO homers. Yikes.

utah, I'm glad I've got everyone fooled. I'd hate to be forced to come up with something innovative. Don't worry, when you're novel is published, you'll be able to buy all the gold hot pants you want.

La Belette Rouge said...

So is my reward the title of "Diabolical Summoner" or the song? Both are swell, I just want to be sure which is mine?

Randal Graves said...

Please, take both, you've earned them.

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