Saturday, September 26, 2009

Gangsta Nation

As painful as it was not having the cute nurse babe on the way to her regular shift at Deaconess this morning, I could live a short while without ogling some eye candy. If you want to call lack of always classy objectification from afar living. No, the nurse isn't Sarah Chalke, but she carries a strong resemblance which makes me happy as a pig in slop.

What I couldn't, and still can't, live with, is the revelation of a new terror on the streets of downtown Cleveland. Oh sure, I've seen the graffiti on the plastic or steel seat backs, E 66th Bitchaz, Kinsman Cunt, West Siiiide Muthafuckas, and elaborate, artistic and quite illegible variations of gang script that appeared more Arabic than any known form of the Latin alphabet. Perhaps it was that, after all. Keep on plotting in the free world, sleeper cell!

No, what terrified me, and still does, was this, in thick, black magic marker:

Final Fantasy XI

No, I am not kidding, so look out Crips, watch your back Bloods, there's a new crew ready to fuck your shit up with spiky hair, oversized boobs, phallic weaponry and microchips full of teenage angst. You ready, tough guy?

I apologize for the Mario and Luigi shot. I couldn't find any gangsta Final Fantasy jpgs. One last curious sight was this van, or at least a copy of it:

Aside from the Chicago, IL on the door, and professional bowler Billy Oatman himself, this van, nearly a weekly staple of my Saturday walking route from bus to library, was once again parked near Reserve Square. One quibble though, good sir:

"You can make money or make excuses, but you can't make both."

Obviously, you haven't watched a moment of C-Span at any time during the last quarter of a century. Happy bowling!


Beach Bum said...

You know I have been seeing a lot of vehicles like that advertising some person or obscure company whose web address I never have time to look up.

Not to degrade any sport but I must admit Oatman's action shot just seems a little over the top and funny. Not like a running back about to be turned into a pasty salsa by several defensive linemen or a surfer about cut into tiny pieces of shark bait by a coral head from a wave collapsing on him.

sunshine said...

I'm with Beach. That action shot is a bit much. LOL~ in a good and funny way though. If he was my husband I'd probably have to divorce him. Too embarrassing for me and the kids. :)

Sarah Chalke eh? Well you know I don't like to blow my Canadian horn but.. she IS Canadian. :)
No, all Canadian women do NOT look like k.d. Lang. Well, I kinda do but still.... if I dyed my hair!!! Sarah Chalke all the way. :)

Very funny about theFinal Fantasy XI graffiti. "a new crew ready to fuck your shit up"... I LOL"d for real... :)


Übermilf said...

Funny, I just read a blog written by a nurse from Cleveland who changed her usual bus route because some creepy guy in glasses kept staring at her.

Weird coincidence, huh?

Randal Graves said...

BB, in his defense, it is a bit difficult to action-ize bowling, unless one was bowling with a human skull, then any shot would be worthy of a van painting.

sunshine, but bowlers make the big bucks! And must you always toot Canada's horn? Don't make us invade. You do not look like k.d.lang. Lay off the fine Canadian crops.

übermilf, that IS weird. Lucky for me that I use strategically placed cameras that permit me to innocently stare out the window.

Cormac Brown said...

Clearly Mario couldn't be a gangsta, as he is wearing red and blue at the same time. Is he going to stick to one set, or is he going shoot himself?

It's so nice to see Billy Oatman's vinyl-ed van have something other than a start-up rapper holding up fake bling and Photoshopped cash, which is the normal personal advertising for the vinyl-ed vans out here.

Cormac Brown said...

Oh, and before the family's XBOX 360 bit the big one, I'd turn the outside world off whenever the newest Dynasty Warriors came out. It doesn't matter that they barely change the graphics or the missions with each installment of the series, we Dynasty Warriors fans are a fervant lot.

sunshine said...

I called the army and told them that we may have a U.S. invasion.
They gassed up "the tank" and are waiting at the border..
Those fine Canadian crops... are the only thing keeping me going most days....

Liberality said...

Are we all going to be reduced to walking/talking/driving/whatever-the-hell advertisements for the corporate greedy pigs?

Inquiring minds want to know!

sunshine said...

Mass saw the picture of Mario and Luigi and wanted me to click on it so he could "play it"...
How cute is that? I mean really... how cute??????

Randal Graves said...

cormac, I think there's almost a philosophical question in there, Socrates on bling.

Dynasty Warriors is one series that I've actually never played before, but people have recommended. I assume it's out for the PS2 as well?

sunshine, oh man, you guys are so screwed because we have at least three tanks. If you hand over your crops, we'll call it even.

liberality, don't get me started. Once AIG went under, I had to get their tattoo lasered off my forehead. Ad space for sale!

still sunshine, you sure you want your children reading this blog? Dammit, now I want to play Super Mario 3.

themom said...

I'm stocking up the bomb shelter now. With those four tanks running crazy - it could be apocalyptic.

Mary Ellen said...

That was no bowling was a van loaded with explosive bowling balls. I heard there was a fatwa put on Cleveland...bastard terrorists in bowling shoes.

Tom Harper said...

I haven't watched Scrubs in awhile. That top picture made me think of it, for some odd reason.

TomCat said...

Randal, put the magic marker down and leave the bench alone! ;-)

Hill said...

No tats here, but am willing to consider corporate sponsorship

...when pigs fly.

And I'm not talking The Bugman shaking his creepy booty on DWTS, either.


Randal Graves said...

themom, don't mess with treading on US snakes, or something like that.

nunly, a fatwa on Cleveland? What for? We gave you guys that burning river joke, and for free.

tom, not a bad show, and she's yummy.

tomcat, HA! should I feel like a rocker being confronted with Spinal Tap?

hill, I am the Bugman,
I am the felon
Goo goo gajoob.

Instead of physical torture, they should show that at Guantanamo.

susan said...

I like FF - VI was my favorite (the operatic number was killer). How about Red 13 in FFVII? Then again, I know you know I'm immature. Just two more weeks til we get 'Ratchet and Clank - A Crack in Time'. I may have to take some time off work..

Cormac Brown said...

Yep, it's on the PS 2 and it's one of the biggest games in Japan, because they can't get enough of The Three Kingdoms Saga. Try renting "Dynasty Warriors 5" and numbers lesser than 5, for better gameplay and graphics.

The beauty of the game is that you can do the elaborate combos, or if you can't do more than a three button combo like me, you can also beat the game. If there is "Kingdoms" in the title, you also have to forge alliances and keep the population happy...or not, and face a revolution.

There is also Samurai Warriors which also huge in Japan, and oddly enough, China.

Randal Graves said...

susan, oh yeah, VI is definitely my favorite, too. That scene, the characters (Edgar with the chainsaw!)

cormac, I'll definitely have to check it out, and I'm certainly glad there are other paths to success than hyperspeed button mashing. I remember picking up Soul Calibur for the Dreamcast, thinking I'm pretty decent and getting absolutely smoked by cousins under the age of 12. Damn old age.

Distributorcap said...

i think i am missing something

oh yes - a brain

thatgirl said...

That van's probably a front for the Border Patrol... no one will ever suspect.

Dr. Zaius said...

Is this post about video games or bowling?