Monday, September 7, 2009

To Google Read makes our speaking English good

Okay, so I'm a dirty, dirty liar. I simply didn't feel it was appropriate to avoid the internets until Wednesday. All those posts in the reader, coupled with all those requests and periodicals and patrons to process -- oops, I didn't say anything about soylent green -- would only result in a bloody conflict with the historical importance of Actium entre my primitive, lizard desire to slack under the sun and my edumacated, modern-day drone programming to attend to the agendas and subcommittee-forged goals of the monolithic state.

At least a few things haven't changed:
1. The Browns still suck.
2. The Indians still suck.
3. Hussein X still hates options and Vans. What a major league asshole. Okay, I hate 99% of the music on the Vans Warped Tour as well. I'll give you a pass on that one, puppet.

Wait. Does this post constitute labor? Did I just throw the proletariat under the bus, on today of all days? But the bus is public transportation, which is what many of us working stiffs take along with our medication, so if I'm going to throw them under anything, it should be that and not a fleet of limousines, right?

Try the vodka, it's made collectively!


TomCat said...

You're complaining about the Browns? Management screwed up my Broncos so badly that I named my fantasy football teams this year the Denver Geldings. :-(

Holte Ender said...

The Cleveland City Stars are struggling a wee bit too.

Übermilf said...

Dear Democrats (President included):

You weren't voted in to heed the insane ramblings of the Fox News crowd.

Or the greed-crazed corporate class (Ever watch the show "Hoarders" on A&E? Tell me the same psychosis isn't at play...)

You weren't voted in to be too a-scared to change anything without Republican support lest you get blamed if it didn't work perfectly.

Where's the CHANGE we BELIEVED IN?

Demeur said...

I'd post something snarky but the Bourgeoisie has stolen my remaining brain cells with their reality TV and ads for Progressive. Billy Mays was no help either. The capitalist swine!

Randal Graves said...

tomcat, at least you guys have won a title in the last century!

holte, that's the local tiddlywinks team, right?

übermilf, what planet were you vacationing on that you missed the end game of the Dums transformation from bone-throwing underling to full-fledged second wing, with all attending rights and privileges, of the MIC?

demeur, the worst part about Billy Mays passing? No hawking duel between him and Flo. Would've made Ali-Frazier look like a schoolyard brawl.

Holte Ender said...

Ah Tiddlywinks, now there's a game. If I ever find a tournament, I have my own Tiddly.

S.W. Anderson said...

Randal, better you should slack under the sun while you have some sun to slack under, rather than slave over a hot, dry keyboard.

As for "processing" patrons, c'mon. Gives me visions of someone at a desk stamping a return date on the back of Granny Cratchett's hand while ogling a Venus in bluejeans who's bending over to get a magazine from the bottom of the rack. :)

Utah Savage said...

You're in Cincinnati right? Did you go see your president speak in your city to big Labor? You are a member of the librarians union aren't you?

Tengrain said...

Comrade Graves, you swine!

You said nothing about Samuel Gompers, and how he collectivized the Working Man to be enslaved forever to the Moneyed Class, and about how Ronald Reagan (saints be praised) busted the unions like so many, um, busted things.

Getting a little ahead of your HypnObama'd self, aren't ya?



Beach Bum said...

Randal you are brave man. Even whispering the word "union" down here in the headquarters of organized labor hating "right to work" states can result with both a knock on the door at midnight like some neo-Soviet nightmare and having two goons show up to fit you with a pair of cement shoes.

Personally the whole thing is beside the point because I think most Southerners confuse Labor Day with Arbor day and think you are suppose to take the day off to go out and chop down a tree.

Hill said...

Do NOT throw the proletariat under the bus.

Now those fleets of limousines?

Toss those fuckers!


And ditto what Beach Bum said, too.

okjimm said...

Browns suck....? At least you are not a Detroit fan. See, it can always be worse

N;unly said...

I thought Labor Day had something to do with breathing heavy and taking drugs...which is not to be confused with having a baby.

Nunly said...

Crap..I can't even type my own name. Must have something to do with the heavy breathing and drug taking this weekend. Sigh...

Karen Zipdrive said...

My solution to avoiding frustration with the performances of various football teams is to not watch.
All I know about football is that Tony Romo used to shtup Jessica Simpson, then he dumped her the day before her birthday.

Tom Harper said...

Your post title looks like it came from Google Translate. Much is make of post good Labor Day to write.

susan said...

Is that a picture of your secretary at the library? I think you're working her too hard.

Randal Graves said...

holte, wasn't that a Chuck Berry song?

SWA, shhh! Don't give away our secret that libraries are the sexy place to be!

utah, you keep on assuming it's Cincinnati, which leads me to believe that it's some nefarious mudslinging campaign on your part.

The pretzeldent? Bah, I'll doctrinate my offspring with the proper conspiracies, thank you very much.

tengrain, I'm sorry, I couldn't resist the awesome power of my HypnoNegroReeducation Sizzling Eyebeams!

BB, well, they need trees for fuel for their moonshining machines, right?

hill, only if they're full of bankers.

okjimm, that's only temporary though. I figure we win three, Detroit four. It's going to be a long season.

nunly, heavy breathing and drug taking? I choose to read that in a naughty way.

karen, not watch? Isn't that grounds for the death penalty in Texas?

tom, actually, I ripped it from an episode of Buffy, but you're right.

susan, secretary? What do I look like, a CEO?

TomCat said...

Two of them, but what are they doing for me this year?

Dr. Zaius said...

Well, at least if I am drinking vodka I am promoting terrorism.