Thursday, September 17, 2009

[I'll find a better title later]

















Gonna buy me a Corvette.
Gonna buy me a custom ride.
Get de big screen HD teevee.
Get de bedroom full o' bong high.
I gonna buy me a lizard.
Always can I smoke this yard.
Gonna get me the warehouse
With the alligator guard.












Sure, doesn't look too frisky, but neither would you with all of that fine second hand smoke wafting about your nostrils. I actually met Weird Al once as a wee lad at some typically-Midwestern-excuse-to-stuff-yourself fest in downtown Cleveland. He signed my cassette copy of In 3-D, quite a thrilling experience.

"Good job remaining vaguely topical via a week-old news item and an album that came out during the halcyon days of the Reagan death squads."

Believe me, such journalistic excellence doesn't come without nearly a minute of hard work, two if you count picture fishing in Lake Google. Next time, I'll be sure to write a 38th generation take on The Kanye West Automated Diss Machine. Or maybe something on politics. Did you hear? Obama is -- gasp -- an assembly line politician! Teabaggers happily slit their own throats in the temple of their very exploiters! Children use curse words! This blog sucks!

A roller coaster ride on a car that only goes ten feet into the atmosphere is about as thrilling as le lit chez Randal.

I was going to add something else, and sadly I don't remember what it was, but trust me, it was comical.

Oh! Some chick all hot n' bothered with her texting nearly knocked herself over colliding with the electro anti-klepto gate on the way in this morning.

Good times.

Remember gang, keep fucking that chicken.

25 comments:

Christopher said...

"Keep fucking that chicken."

I blogged it today and I'm still laughing.

Ernie is a hot ADHD mess. He's always been off the chain.

sunshine said...

I knew you had posted a blog entry! (I'm psychic).
I would have thought that the fact that some dummy texting and walking at the same time almost falling down would have made you chipper!Oh wait! You said, "good times" so I suppose you did enjoy that. ;)

I love Weird Al. I actually think that is so cool that you met him! I wonder what he'd be like in real life. One of those un-funny funny guys? Or would he and I enjoy witty chit chat?

Poor alligator! Look at that dirty water he's in!
If you're going to have a "guard alligator" the least you can do for him is give em some clean water to lay in.
What's an alligator going to do to me anyways? Eat me?? I doubt it. I think I could have made off with the stuff before Alligator Al even knew I was on the premises...

((Hugs))
Laura

Mary Ellen said...

Sheesh....not hard to get by an alligator, just stop by the meat market and pick up a whole turkey or chicken and let him munch on that while you make your way to the stash. Just have to move fast, that's all (might not be a bad idea to have two chickens, one to get past him on the way out.

Weird Al is cool...still laugh when I hear his stuff.

Cheer up, kiddo. There will be more texter's out there falling all over themselves and bumping into light posts, plenty to keep you amused for years to come.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Weird Al? You met Weird Al?

My whole world view is suddenly shaken, and it is a few hours away until martini time.

Regards,

Tengrain

Übermilf said...

I'm trying to find a reason to be mad at you but I'm at a loss for now.

"Keep fucking that chicken" is the new "have a nice day."

TomCat said...

Have you thought of a name for it yet? I didn't. :-)

sunshine said...

Too bad they didn't have a crocodile guarding the stash.
Your title could have been "Crocodile Rock!"
No?
Okay....I'm leaving.

Randal Graves said...

christopher, I don't think any of our local newscasters have sworn on the air. I know a couple of the ladies have had naked scandals.

sunshine, are you kidding? I'm a lifetime subscriber to schadenfreude!

Given the line of people, I didn't get a chance to hold a conversation, and being only 12 or so at the time, was quite starstruck, but he came across as a regular dude, no bullshit airs.

Hey now, alligators are quicker than you think. ;-)

nunly, the Homer Simpson defense system: keep some wieners in your pocket.

Frankly, I'm surprised I haven't witnessed more text-related injuries.

tengrain, swear to Cthulhu.

übermilf, how could anyone ever stay mad at me? Keep fucking that chicken.

tomcat, oh hell, I'm past that. ;-)

sunshine, given that that is easily one of Elton John's worst songs, I'm very glad it was a gator.

Dr. Zaius said...

Some pets make better handbags than night watchmen, unfortunately. (Whatever the weatherman was doing with that chicken, I am sure that FOX News will cover it.)

Randal Graves said...

Or Rick Santorum will write a book about it.

Holte Ender said...

The Artist Formerly Known As Prince, is the only artist to turn Al down, Al apparently wanted to parody "Purple Rain" which is a damn shame, because if ever a song needed a parody, that was the one.

That Face! said...

I have no words other than racous laughter, echoing throughout the interwebs.

keep fucking that chicken!

amazing.

Übermilf said...

what happened to my comment? It disappeared!

I notice a lot of similarity between your blog and this guy's.

Do you write that one, too?

Randal Graves said...

holte, I always had an inkling that Prince was nuts, but after watching one of those Kevin Smith specials where he talked about visiting his place, I'm convinced.

TF, he's only keeping the flame of Cronkite alive!

übermilf, your comment is right there, see? I think you live to cause trouble.

Why would you think I'd write that? Far too garish with bright, readable colors. I like to make you guys squint with tiny text and black backgrounds.

Beach Bum said...

The gator spent a couple of months at the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo, then it was shipped to Alligator Adventure in Myrtle Beach, S.C., the "Reptile Capital of the World." More than 800 alligators live there.

Dammit, Doesn't South Carolina have enough to deal with these days?
Nutcases having sex with horses, the governor not telling anyone he was running off to Argentina to see his mistress, and last and certainly the worst, Joe Wilson.

Now we are the national center for the alligator protection program.

Well, my daughter and I are going to Myrtle Beach this weekend, so we will say hi to the gator. That is if he hasn't been turned into a stew already.

Distributorcap said...

you know thqat alligator lived in the NY city sewer system

MRMacrum said...

So that's what I've been doing all this time. And here I thought all those feathers were just a gift from Big Bird in the Sky.

star said...

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sod
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無料動画
大阪 風俗
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神戸 風俗
裏DVD
裏DVD
風俗 求人
風俗 求人
デリヘル 新宿
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千代田区 デリヘル
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star said...

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恵比寿 メンズエステ
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ダイエット 方法

star said...

和歌山 デリヘル
神戸 デリヘル
姫路 デリヘル
大阪 デリヘル
京都 デリヘル
奈良 デリヘル
大阪 デリヘル
神戸 デリヘル
和歌山 デリヘル
奈良 デリヘル
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姫路 デリヘル
和歌山 デリヘル
奈良 デリヘル
京都 デリヘル
大阪 デリヘル
南大阪 デリヘル
大阪 デリヘル

star said...

和歌山 デリヘル
神戸 デリヘル
姫路 デリヘル
大阪 デリヘル
京都 デリヘル
奈良 デリヘル
大阪 デリヘル
神戸 デリヘル
和歌山 デリヘル
奈良 デリヘル
京都 デリヘル
神戸 デリヘル
姫路 デリヘル
和歌山 デリヘル
奈良 デリヘル
京都 デリヘル
大阪 デリヘル
南大阪 デリヘル
大阪 デリヘル

okjimm said...

//but trust me, it was comical.//

I think you are an Acorn-ite.

Never trust a comical squirrel.

;)

Cormac Brown said...

Are you up for Round Two? And no, I'm not talking chicken plucking...

BTW, thanks, you saved me having to Google that clip.

Randal Graves said...

BB, if someone at the state level in SC were smart, they'd turn SC lunacy into fat tourist bucks.

dcap, you sure? Looks pretty laid back for a NYC gator.

mrmacrum, at least it wasn't a gift from The Count. Hard to get a buzz from blood.

okjimm, I'd love to stay and chat, but I have to set up an underage little league game.

cormac, certainly, but which clip?

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