Soothing the savage beast

I love me some universal language -- Best. Art. Ever. -- sorry, Marcel -- so I'm claiming executive privilege -- and retroactive immunity -- in stealing this meme that I saw at various tubes criss-crossing the internets. The rules: pick a favorite album from each year of your existence on this soulless hunk -- with a chewy, molten rock center! -- of crusty misery. I'm more than certain that this list could change tomorrow or even later today if my mood brightens or gets even darker, but as of this moment, this is the stuff I'm finding solace in the most.

Although I was hatched in 1973, I'm going to cheat and start my list a little earlier, back to a demarcation line even more important in the grand scheme of things than the K-T boundary: the NFL-AFL merger. The list looks nice and orderly that way, and if we're about anything chez Randal, it's maintaining pristine, unquestioning, orderly order.

1970: How the hell do I pick something from this year? Albums by Zeppelin, Hendrix (anyone got a million bucks lying around?), The Beatles, George Harrison, Bowie, The Doors, Deep Purple, Derek & the Dominoes, The James Gang, Mott the Hoople, Traffic, two by both Sabbath and Creedence? Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to start here. Putting on Cosmo's Factory tells me Ramble Tamble rocks like a sumbitch, but the one I listen to the most, probably, maybe, I guess, I don't know, is Black Sabbath, Black Sabbath. Maybe. Satanic blues?

What. is. this. that stands before meeeeee?

The rest of the list, dumbass.

1971: This isn't all that much easier! Led Zeppelin, untitled. But The Who's finest, classic Stones and thunderous Sabbath are oh, so close. "No one coulda anticipated that if it kept on rainin' the levee was gonna break, heh heh."

1972: Black Sabbath, Black Sabbath, Volume 4. Fuck, is this album claustrophobic. And quite possibly their best. Wheels of Confusion? Snowblind? Under the Sun? Laguna Sunrise? Supernaut? Hot damn.

1973: As much as I dig some Zeppelin -- The Rain Song is probably the top track released by anyone this year; what sublime beauty -- I've got to go with, by the thinnest hair on McCain's cracker scalp, Mott the Hoople, Mott. Go, Mick Ralphs, you aerophobic bastard.

1974: Lynyrd Skynyrd, Second Helping. Sure, the flic-your-bic number (fuck you, pretentious assholes, Freebird is a good goddamn song. "Like OMG there's like a guitar solo on there longer than like three seconds, that's like soooo passé. [insert hipster band here] rocks.") is on the first album, but this is their most consistent platter.

1975: Why must thou torment me so, muse? Oh, fuck it, it's my blog. In alphabetical order, 1. Black Sabbath, Sabotage and 1A. Led Zeppelin, Physical Graffiti. Symptom of Custard Pie. You can keep your jelly donuts, okjimm, custard's the best filling. Ever hear of jelly pie? Didn't think so. But I'm sure you've heard of one Mr. Ian Hunter.

1976: Mention must be made of The Eagles, Hotel California. For me, the title track can never be overplayed. Gentlemen, start your cutting. "I know all about this, heh, heh." But the winner is AC/DC, High Voltage (yes, I'm using the bastardized American version) which, though flush with many other classics, contains their bestest song ever, It's a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock 'n' Roll). Bagpipes!

1977: Cheap Trick, Cheap Trick. Now that is how you make an entrance.

1978: Again I say, why must thou torment me so, muse? Once more, with alphabetical feeling, 1. Cheap Trick, Heaven Tonight and 1A. Van Halen, Van Halen. Hey, that guy can play. The eponymous debut by The Cars ain't too shabby, either.

1979: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Damn the Torpedoes. It sounds like rock and/or roll. Honorable mention, twice: Motörhead, Bomber and Overkill. "I like these guys, they support the troops, heh, heh." Don't you have a vacation to be on?

1980: Iron Maiden graced us with their presence, there's a raucous album by Lemmy and Co., not to mention a pretty damn good AC/DC record -- though Brian Johnson is no Bon Scott -- but the correct answer is Van Halen, Women and Children First. Grungy.

1981: Don't listen to the jokers who claim that 1984 is their best album. This, unquestionably their darkest, is. Van Halen, Fair Warning. "I gave Saddam plenty of fair warnin', heh, heh." Lord, strike that poor boy down.

1982: The last album with the classic lineup. Sniff. Motörhead, Iron Fist.

1983: Metallica, Kill 'Em All. My sentiments exactly, gents. Honorable Mention: The Police, Synchronicity. Hey Sting, your solo stuff still blows Mickey Kaus, but thanks for this.

1984: Ouch. All kinds of demonic guitar riffing to choose from here. By a nose, Metallica, Ride the Lightning. Dig that wall of reverb. Death is creeping.

1985: Celtic Frost, To Mega Therion. Oh, that Crowley, what a cutup! Cyclopean riffs aplenty.

1986: Metallica, Master of Puppets. RIP, Cliff. Hey, Slayer, let's Reign In Blood. "I'm tryin', Randal, I'm tryin', heh, heh." If there's a new way, I'll be the first in line. But it better work this time. Can you put a price on peace?

1987: Bruce Willis, The Return of Bruno. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Let Me Up (I've Had Enough). Hey, that's what I said when MTV played Willis' video. Hey, what about Anthrax, Among the Living? Follow me or die! "Hey, that was my campaign slogan. Hey, I've got an appetite for destruction, heh, heh."

Hey!

1988: Metallica (noticing a theme?), ...And Justice For All, their finest hour, arguably the greatest metal album of all time and, sadly, as topical now as it was upon its release twenty years ago. One remains one -- ha -- of the most powerful antiwar songs and videos of all time.



1989: Faith No More, The Real Thing. It really is more than Epic.

1990: Man, there were nine blazing circles of hellish riffing this year, though Megadeth, Rust In Peace stealthily sneaks up on the competition, bludgeons them into a bloody, gruesome pulp and takes the devil's food cake. Why? Extra angry. Holy Wars will tear your goddamn head off. Too bad Dave cleaned up and found Jeebus. Oh, how I miss the Clash of the Titans tour. No, I never saw Ursula Andress Undress. But that's fine. Why?


















"Dearest husband, I too love the heaviest metal."

1991: Not counting my better half, the lovely Alessandra, Brazil's finest export. Okay, Pelé was pretty good, too. Sepultura, Arise. But don't sleep on albums by Pearl Jam and Soundgarden that are bucketfuls of guitar. And Metallica's big 'sell out' is actually pretty fucking good save for a couple of bonehead missteps.

1992: As brilliant as both Faith No More's follow up to their big breakthrough and the second Black Crowes album were, nothing can be chosen here but the spiritual successor to Sabbath's fourth album, Alice In Chains, Dirt. We don't need no stinkin' light.

1993: My Dying Bride, Turn Loose the Swans. Greatest romantic doom album ever. I think I just lost the last person still reading this. Thanks, whomever you were. Before you leave, go listen to Alice In Chains, Jar of Flies.

1994: The Black Crowes, Amorica. For all of the countless examples of how the hard stuff can fuck up a musical entity -- I'm not talking people here, obviously -- here's proof that they can sometimes be beneficial. Musically speaking, just say sometimes. But watch that precipitous drop, it comes on quick. Ask Joplin, Bolin, Parsons and Staley, for starters. On second thought, better stick to the weed.

1995: Drown your sorrows, my dear. My Dying Bride, The Angel and the Dark River. But what about The Carnival Bizarre by Cathedral? No, I don't think it's about the United States, but big-time bonus points for penning a song about a Hammer Horror villain.

1996: Opeth, Morningrise. No one ever made thirteen-minute songs more memorable. Okay, Yes was pretty catchy, but I like these guys better because Åkerfeldt has such a beautiful cookie monster voice and they're fucking heavy. What isn't heavy is black tape for a blue girl's Remnants of a Deeper Purity. Oh, I how I loathe leaving that piece of beautiful melancholy off the top of the mountain, but there can be only one.

1997: Emperor, Anthems to the Welkin At Dusk. Black metal by people who can actually play their instruments! But it's still evil, don't worry.

1998: Opeth, My Arms, Your Hearse. My ears, your overachievement barely edges out Thine's A Town Like This. I can never tell a lie, that was determined by a best 3-out-of-5 coin flip. I bet Chimpy would like Monster Magnet's Powertrip. "Already got one, stretch, heh, heh."

1999: You've got debuts by folky metalheads Agalloch, the neo-classical Unto Ashes, The White Stripes, Hollenthon and Jill Tracy, plus yet another Opeth chief d'oeuvre, but Katatonia, Tonight's Decision is the right one.

2000: The Gathering, If_then_else. Europe makes the best mood rock. Plus Anneke van Giersbergen, in addition to being a wonderful singer, is love-lee. But that trippy and hoppy Ulver is a gas. Didn't you guys used to shred faces with unholy power chords before you moved to Perdition City?

2001: I'm cheating again, but it's the motherfucking monstrous duo of 1. Opeth, Blackwater Park and 1A. Katatonia, Last Fair Deal Gone Down, two albums that sit comfortably in my all-time top ten. Oh, what the hell. 1B. My Dying Bride, The Dreadful Hours.

2002: Holy fuck, this is a difficult year. Opeth, Agalloch, black tape, a Jerry Cantrell double album. Okay, put the gun to my head. How about those crazy Norwegian Baudelaireian circus freaks, Arcturus, The Sham Mirrors. Kinetic!

2003: Katatonia, Viva Emptiness. These guys are so good, this might be their best album. I'm afraid I'll have to refrain from writing on it, though.

2004: Nicki Jaine, Of Pigeons and Other Curiosities. One of the great lost albums of this decade. Sardonic singer-songwriting at its bitter best. If there was any justice, this husky-voiced chanteuse would've sold ten million copies but instead, you've never heard of her, nor have you heard of Italian neo-classicists Lupercalia -- nor their brilliant Florilegium -- whose mainman Riccardo Prencipe has since gone one to form Corde Oblique, yet one more group you've never heard of. Do people really buy what's on the Billboard 100? That's almost as scary as a pack of neocons with unlimited access to oil cash.

2005: Opeth, Ghost Reveries. And this was an off-day for them. Cover me with those Blessed Black Wings, I'm High on Fire, baby! I really have to stop picking two or three. At least I'm almost done.

2006: Agalloch, Ashes Against the Grain. For my money, the best band in America.

2007: Moonsorrow, V:Hãvitetty. For my money, the best band in Finland.

2008: Opeth, Watershed. I dig this a whole lot. I hope Jilly Tracy doesn't come and murder me 'cause there's already enough murderin' goin' 'round. Okay, she's co-winner. The Bittersweet Constrain is on the board. Whew, that was a close one.

I noticed that a majority of the lists seem to be more varied than mine, but it is asking for a single album. I can't help it if the same bands continually release the best music in a given year. There's a reason why I love them so much, though I feel bad for artists like Ataraxia and Dead Can Dance -- and I'm sure they feel simply awful -- who consistently put out top five material. It's all about the mood and since I'm usually about 51% bitter and angry contre 49% wistful and melancholy -- thanks, RTA -- well, loud power chords by a note. And if I had to come up with a top ten list for each year, the post wouldn't be finished until December and it would approach 72 scrolling pages and who the hell would read that? En plus, that sounds too much like work.

I tag no one, but I'd love to see what the rest of you clowns choose.

Have at you!