Friday, October 23, 2009

I Wanna Rock and Roll All Nite And Ride the Wheelie Bus Every Day

















Don't get me wrong, I fully support cougar-dom. If consenting adults of any age want to get their proverbial freak on without freaking me into straitjacket madness by making me shell out $9.95 on pay-per-view, yay. But it strikes me as odd to see a chick obviously pushing blue hair status via flecks, nay, clumps, of grey perusing a copy of, all things, Details. I assume dudes check out Cosmo in order to theoretically increase their score quotient, thus Occam's close shave: this lady figured the feminine version could help her land a young buck. Godspeed, granny, godspeed.














While at work, and before the mass of unwashed masses stomped in to bleat and bellow and blaspheme, a coworker, a former coworker/fellow civil servant clown and myself waxed stupid genius on potential band names.


















Us latter two have been for years championing Frescoes of the Skull, swiped from this book about Beckett. Pretty fucking metal, huh.













But I think my coworker won the day with this tasty triumvirate: the recently posted Dr. Dre and the Drano Bombs -- if Andre Young ever decided to stop hawking carbonated beverages and instead give his best Lemmy impersonation, that is; Glass Grapes, for the tragically mellow artiste; and last, but certainly not least, Macrame Owls, for the über-ironic hipster indie rocker. Feel free to chime in with your own wondrous suggestions, the loonier/more putrescent, the better.

27 comments:

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

There is only one name for my band: Jeffrey Dahmer's Lunch Box.

Regards,

Tengrain

Übermilf said...

I have no interest in training sessions. Do these women not remember what young men were like when they were young women? They haven't changed much. If anything, they've gotten worse.

In the words of my mother, when discussing the facts of life with me when I was in high school: "Let them practice on someone else."

Mary Ellen said...

It's too freakin' early to be creative. Maybe I'll come up with something later in the day, when I'm on my second pot of coffee.

Randal Graves said...

tengrain, didn't you guys open for Autopsy in '89?

übermilf, don't be bringing your gloom and doom to this place of flashing neon joy. I'm just now getting over the fact that I ruined my life at 19 via nukyular familyness.

nunly, early? Did CST move a few zones to the left?

thatgirl said...

I still think that Thelonius Assault would make a fantastic punk name.

UberDILF said...

Wait, were we supposed to come up with a band name? My friends and I want to start an all-mom punk band called "The Gunts."

Übermilf said...

Ooops. That was me.

TomCat said...

Cougars can be problematic. When I way young, I thought they were great. But now that I'm old, they take one look at me and go chasing the young guys. :'-(

Randal Graves said...

thatgirl, I can't believe no one has come up with that yet. Quick, get a copyright!

übermilf, hmmm, I'm starting to wonder if UberDILF even exists, or is merely an imaginary construct of your addled mind.

tomcat, that can easily be cured with piles of money. Have you thought about becoming the CEO of a multinational corporation?

Christopher said...

The cougars are pretty damned hot.

I saw a picture of Sophia Loren recently and at 72, she was smokin' hot. Much hotter than Pam Anderson, Carrie Prejean or RuPaul.

The real cougar is former Charlie's Angels star Jacqueline Smith. She looks identical to how she looked on the series. I don't know how she does it. Jacqueline Smith has got to be 60 if she's a day.

Either good genes or a good doctor.

Dr. Zaius said...

Band name? I've always like "Dremble Wedge and the Vegetation" from the film "Bedazzled".

I am guessing that you will be riding the short wheelie bus? ;o)

Mary Ellen said...

Randal- Anything before 3:00 pm for me is early. That's the perk ya get when you get to stay home after all the kids are gone. ;-)

Demeur said...

Perousing the music store a few years back I now realize that I couldn't come up with a new idea for a band name if I tried.
Milfs Dilfs I've gone full circle and ready to go back in the womb. But my heads too big so that won't work.

S.W. Anderson said...

You want loony/putrescent? I have but one thing to say:

Pat Boone gets down with this.

Tom Harper said...

That second picture is almost sad. Poor Dumbya is STILL trapped inside the White House. "Dang it, I cain't get this F$%&^%!#$ door open! I got me some brush to clear down there in Krahferd and I cain't get to it. Barbara, you out there? Mommy? Anybody???"

Freaky band names, let's see, I'm just gonna jot down the wackiest non non sequitur I can think of...Ultimate Spinach. OK, that's gotta be -- oh, it's already taken.

sunshine said...

I wish I looked like Demi!
I could do without the Ashton though. I think that if a guy was THAT much younger than me I'd just be "Mothering" him too much. I mean.. even though I'd be banging him too. And that would be really, really weird....
I've got enough kids. I don't need another one...
A few years younger would be all I could do.. even that's pushing it.

sunshine said...

I forgot your ..
(((Hugs))))
Laura

susan said...

Looks to me like 'We're All Bozos On The Wheelie Bus' wouldn't go far wrong. After all, it worked the first time and that was long enough ago it's been forgotten.

Beach Bum said...

I watched my wife react curiously hostile to a couple walking down the street the other day. The guy was obviously rich and pushing at least his mid-fifties with a twenty-something hotty showing her extreme affection to her husband/boyfriend/sugar daddy.

A few years before that I overheard her and a few of her friends at a party essentially turn green with envy over a female coworker in her fifties bringing her thirty-something boyfriend to the party.

While I at least had enough good sense not to openly question such a blatant hypocrisy, it was something to think about.

MRMacrum said...

"Back Door Man and the Assless Chaps" - A surpisingly bouyant quintet. Their debut album, "Tails you may have heard but never seen" topped the charts in the Villiage for three straight weeks.

Randal Graves said...

christopher, I has to be all that roller skating and running with guns. Maybe that's the secret to staying young.

dr.zaius, will be? ;-)

nunly, that's insane, get up at 4 am, take up fishing!

demeur, you could start a Band and call yourself The BILFs.

SWA, Pat Boone shouldn't get down with anything. Though it was funny to watch him writhe when the rest of his TBN hairpieces chastised him for his blasphemous 'metal' album. Even that chick with the giant coil of living purple hair got in the act.

tom, do you think he uses a GPS to go to the can?

(Ballad Of) The Hip Death Goddess? Now that's a song title.

sunshine, that's what birth control is for. Fuck on, Miss Canada, fuck on!

susan, everything comes back in style, so why not that?

BB, smart man. You do realize if you had said something, you might have a voice at the high end of countertenor.

I figure if my sometimes-better-half ever wants to go the sugar daddy route, just make sure I get a cut of the loot. I've always wanted to travel.

Randal Graves said...

mrmacrum, I think it comes down to yours or tengrain's. We should make this like American Idol, but please, if you guys sing as well as I, don't. And leave the assless chaps at home.

Dusty said...

But it strikes me as odd to see a chick obviously pushing blue hair status you are kidding right? I know a few 20 and 30 yo's that don't look half as good as ole Demi.

Randal Graves said...

This lady on the bus looked like a stereotypical grandma, not even close to Demi, I just needed a old chick/young dude shot.

Liberality said...

all of this just goes to show you that there is something seriously wrong with us human beings...

MRMacrum said...

But, But.....they are my back up singers.

Freida Bee, MD said...

You had me at "Don't get me wrong, I fully support cougar-dom...."

Even if it's not a lifestyle choice for some of us, the hint that the possibility exists is enough for me.