Wednesday, October 7, 2009

May giant, rabid, mutant killer cockroaches from hell eat your eyes out, sports gods.

The title comes from a baseball playoff post that I'll gladly pay you yesterday for a hamburger today but I'm a moody bastard and when I woke up this morning my heart wasn't in such a meandering essay -- sorry, Utah, I know how much you were looking forward to more sports -- but I will conclusively include the conclusion, which still holds liquor:

And don't give me that 'sports don't matter' shit. Nothing really matters since we're all going to end up as partially biodegradable worm food and this delicious repast and the billions of worms sporting knives and forks are going to be burnt into oblivion along with every other remnant of our civilization, except the crap on Voyager unless that gets nuked by a supernova or some gamma ray burst, once the sun goes red giant and swallows the inner planets, right? Right.
At the moment, it's windy as fuck outside, cold, deceptively grey, for there are splotches of off white, a change from this morning that was a magnificently rich and menacing rainbow of dark blue hues shepherding lost trails of fallen leaves, I really need a camera, because words fail as they so often do and goddamn was that sky lovely. Thus, a post about nothing save a tune I dig, wishing I was at home writing in the midst of this most perfect autumn weather.

P.S. fuck The Fucking Yankees.


Übermilf said...

Of course sports matter! They help you turn that frown upside down!

C'mon, grumpy gus!

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

The only Olympic Sport is Martini Drinking for Skill and Accuracy, and even that we will not have in 2016!



Dr. Zaius said...

What do you mean "partially biodegradable"? I'm all about recycling, you know.

I'm wondering where those billions of worms get those knives and forks, and do they wear little bibs too?

sunshine said...

The weather is the same here. It was sunny this morning but now, the wind has kicked up and clouds have rolled in. Sprinkles of rain off and on.. leaves blowing every which way... Beautiful!

Love this song too by the way... :)

I have to tell you.. Last night while at the show watching Zombieland, the main character said.."I'm going to say that the Browns are going to the Superbowl this year."
Well because I have been brainwashed by you "somehow".. about the Browns.. I went "HAHA!" in a quiet theater. All eyes turned to me, including my Sister in law Debbie's. She whispered.."What?".. For the benefit of everyone around me.. (because obviously the "teenagers" didn't get it..) .. I said in a somewhat loudish voice.." The Browns in the Superbowl... that's hilarious!"..*followed by more snickering by moi*.. looking around at everyone nervously..
Just turn around people... turn the FUCK around.
Damn Canadians.... :P


Mary Ellen said...

I'm glad you didn't do the sport's post, although I agree, I hate the fucking Yankees.

But I like the music!

We had that wind last night, and of course it was on garbage night. I just love collecting the lids to my recycling cans...five doors down in the middle of the street. That just starts my day off great. Fuck.

Holte Ender said...

How I miss the season of mellow fruitfulness. Great song.

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, you really do despise me, don't you.

tengrain, who says we won't?

dr.zaius, from all the crap we manufacture and consume, we've go so many chemicals inside us, and not even the cool, illegal ones.

Of course they wear bibs! Why mess up their brand new trousers?

sunshine, I'm very glad that you could find humor in my decades of sporting pain. Sniff. Invasion is back on!

nunly, dude, I'm glad you said that because is it me, or has it seemingly been windy 9 out of the last 10 garbage days? I've had a couple of cans end up in my front yard (sans address, naturally) and I'll leave them but no one ever claims them so I have a nice collection of five cans.

holte, great band, a shame the singer has since go on to a 'solo' career.

Tom Harper said...

I never heard of that group but I like that sound. Are they Yerpeen? They remind me of Lacuna Coil (Italian) and Drainsth (Swedish).

Anonymous said...

He didn't say the Browns were going to the Super Bowl, he said that he had to take the Browns to the Super Bowl.

In less cryptic words, he had to take a dump...which is why they headed to the bathroom soon after.

sunshine said...

ahhh... I heard wrong. *blushes*.. guess that's why everyone was looking at me weird.

Demeur said...

It could be worse. You could have a baseball team that's the farm club for most east coast teams. Or a football team that's become the go to retirement team. Give us your wash ups and we'll give them a sweet one year contract and they won't even have to play hard.
The weather. It's sunny and warm here so our plot to control the weather has worked. Mwahahahahah!

Dusty said...

Look you whiny fuck..the YANK$ have paid for the world series in advance and they will win it.

Of course I hope that doesn't come to fruition, but then..ya never know with baseball.

Beach Bum said...

...but I'm a moody bastard...
Damn straight, since returning to the night shift work I have found my mood taking a serious freaking nose dive.

As for this segment: ...partially biodegradable worm food..

That brought to mind this nice little ditty I heard years ago.

The Worms Crawl In,
The Worms Crawl Out,
Into your stomach,
And out your mouth.

They eat your intestines,
They scramble your heart.
Now you feel like
You’re all apart.

This is how
It is to die
You end up looking
Like apple pie!

Beach Bum said...

At least working night shift at the hospital with my main work area close to the morgue I will get first warning on the zombie Apocalypse.

La Belette Rouge said...

You make a real good matter for everything matter since nothing matters.

Did I mention that cameras are sold at the store? Just think how many photo only posts you could do instead of sport posts. I am willing to start a fund raising drive among your readers. We will would all chip in, I am sure, if it would stop you writing about sports.

Liberality said...

A post that I can understand from beginning to end? What is the world of Randal's blog coming to anyway ;~)

I always just skip the sports. Just! And look at the anguish your caring has caused you! I advise giving up sports and do photo posts as La Belette Rouge advises.

MRMacrum said...

Ah, to be a sports fan in Cleveland. A town that knows sports don't matter. Or is it a town whose sports teams know sports don't matter? Well I guess it doesn't matter which is which, the end result is the same.

As an Oriole fan back in the day before I found a long suffering team like the Red Sox, I went to Yankee Stadium to see the O's take on the Yankees. No one told me it was not a good idea to wear an O's cap into the game. Maybe you saw me on TV. I was the guy they found stuffed head first in the trash can near the upperdeck first base side with his cap shoved up his ass. So yeah, I concur. Fuck the fucking Yankees.

S.W. Anderson said...

MrMacrum, ooh, ouch.

I heard someone on radio badmouthing the Yankees yesterday as successful because the team spends more getting the best players than other teams. That's been true for a long time. Any even moderately popular sport in America is overtaken by money men and moneymaking. Soon, it's not about the game so much as about the ability to make money.

I've long thought it would be cool if New York City's teams had to get their players from the greater New York City area. And Chicago would have to get its players from "Chicagoland," and so on. Maybe people would turn out for games out of city pride and competitiveness. And maybe the money angle wouldn't dominate quite so much. No recruiting someone from Borneo who throws a mean screwball and that kind of thing.

Just a thought.

Randal Graves said...

tom, they are and they come from the land of dikes, so they're extra godless heathens! I remember Drain STH, sounded a bit like an all-babe Alice.

anon + sunshine, it's easy to confuse fecal matter and the play of the Browns.

demeur, you can keep your awful sun if that means, no, on second thought, give us those washed-up players. At least then I'll never have expectations, ever.

dusty, they thought they had paid in advance in 2003 and then a team no one gave a shit about - seriously, why does Miami have a baseball team? They get five fans per game - knocked them on their ass. Fuck The Fucking Yankees.

BB, didn't Howling Mad Murdock sing that in an episode of The A-Team?

LBR, as a matter of fact, matter has mass, let us pray for these sportless heathens, o lord, verily they shall see the glory in they playing fields, amen.

liberality, I told you I make sense! More sports, peasants!

mrmacrum, utter failure or heart-ripping, flip a coin. Once upon a time, the Orioles were good, or at least that's what that cracked and yellowing newsprint says. Then Jim Palmer found fame hawking crap on teevee.

SWA, I know the defenders of baseball like to point out how different teams seem to win all the time, but the extra loot gives you more chances TO win. I'd love to see a setup akin to the NFL, or hell, even the NBA.

Speaking of hoops, you might recall they used to have territorial draft picks. I wouldn't mind, because the Cavs would still have ended up with LeBron. ;-)

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