Thursday, October 29, 2009


The fucking Cavs better shake theirs off. Andrea Bargnani, really? 28 on 11-15 from the floor? C'mon, he's eye-talian. Yeah, you heard me, Miss Canada, bring it on, I'm in a bad mood.

I think I'm gonna stab things until they bleed profusely and then set them on fire and then inject the charred remains with a virus concocted in a secret, underground government facility so I will have a zombie army to do my bidding and my bidding is for this zombie army to scrimmage the Cavs the theory being that these millionaires will be so fearful of having their skull bit into, convulsing in horror before expiring in a pool of gooey innards, that they'll show newly rediscovered offensive and defensive prowess deftly avoiding the chunks of burnt flesh covering all 94 x 50 and go on to capture the city's first professional sports championship since 1964 and if that doesn't work I'll just release the zombie army on an unsuspecting nation and then no one will win any championships ever again.


Holte Ender said...

The Cavs remind me of the Bulls before they slapped a supporting cast around Jordan. That's the answer LeBron's supporting cast needs a good slapping.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

So you fill up your empty life with booze, drugs, sex and sports.

And you never offer to share.



Übermilf said...

What if zombies turn out to be outstanding basketball players?

sunshine said...

I tried to warn you babe. I HAD a feeling.....
And what do you mean.."he's eye-talian"?? That just adds to his awesome-ness and you know it!

Wanna know something funny? When I was watching the Rap's did awesome. As soon as I would leave the room, the Cavs would begin to catch up.
One of the kids called me to kiss them goodnight and I yelled out.."I can't the RAPTORS NEED ME!!"....

See.. don't fuck with me. I'll fuck your shit up man. :D


Mary Ellen said...

"...bring it on, I'm in a bad mood.

I think I'm gonna stab things until they bleed profusely and then set them on fire and then inject the charred remains with a virus concocted in a secret,..."

Usually when I'm in a bad mood I eat some chocolate...


Beach Bum said...

I agree with Ubermilf, zombies not only could be excellent players they would probably be far cheaper than living players. The lack of having to pay for health insurance I'm sure alone would cheer the heart of some desk jockey/bean counter.

Randal Graves said...

holte, or smelling salts or setting their shoes on fire. Guess it's back to LeBron taking 40 shots a game for awhile.

tengrain, you want me to be even more empty? Some pal you are.

übermilf, then we'll sign them to 10-day contracts and when calls don't go their way, they can just eat the ref.

sunshine, I suppose I'll call off the invasion of the Great White North. For now. But don't rest on your laurels, they make a nice addition to cannibal stew.

nunly, I don't have any chocolate handy, thus, violence. ;-)

BB, good point, and if one blows out a knee, we can simply create more zombies.

Sherry M Peyton said...

My, my but somebody got out of the wrong side of the bed today! Geesh...what a grouch.

MRMacrum said...

Someone needs to take away your remote.

sunshine said...

," I suppose I'll call off the invasion of the Great White North. For now"

What?!? I thought for sure you'd be waiting on my driveway with your tank when I woke up this morning!!
Hmmmm... Did I scare you with my "I'll fuck your shit up" talk??

Don't worry baby .. I won't hurt you. :)

S.W. Anderson said...

Randal, you're obviously letting the influence of Herschell Gordon Lewis, David F. Friedman and others of their ilk overwhelm your basic sense of sportsmanship. You need to work on that.

Randal Graves said...

sherry, I always get out of the wrong side of the bed on days that end in y.

mrmacrum, I had it surgically grafted onto my arm.

sunshine, aren't we a smarmy Canuck. Invasion back on!

SWA, I will. After we win a championship.

okjimm said...

Dude... you have to give up on Cleveland sports. It's killing you.
Try NASCAR.... you get to go around in circles and end up where you started.

(not that I like NASCAR. I prefer fantasy chess)

Demeur said...

Randal you didn't know the Cav science team was working on a secret serum developed from the scrapings of LeBron's jock strap, turning the entire team into high point & percentage players?

sunshine said...

Awwww.. THAT's my Randal. :)


susan said...

Have you ever considered moving to a winning city? Nah, I guess that would just spoil the fun of sports posts for losers - which are much funnier and gruesome too.

Dr. Zaius said...

Zombie basketball might slow down the game, but would probably liven up the concession stand! Think brains on a bun, with sauerkraut. ;o)

Ricky Shambles said...

Big fan of the Robot Chicken Werewolf bit where someone opens a Predator Arnold weapon up on a werewolf, burns it after down, snorts the ashes, shits out the remains and the DM says "He's still not dead."

Wait, does that even apply to this post?

Where am I?