Sunday, November 11, 2007

I drink alone, with nobody else.

Wanna join me?

Why mess with a good thing? Figuring I might as well maintain the theme of drunkenness and sobriety - although after reading this, you might want to reach for the nearest bottle of something to help you induce even more vomiting - I present you with a veritable smorgasbord of bad news. The Cleveland Plain Dealer recently commissioned a poll in my not-so-great state on the 2008 election, the economy, Iraq, the standard fare. So step on up to the buffet and sample some of the choicest cuts.

















"Mmm....polling...."

The results merely offer further proof that I’m not insane - shut up - when I say I don’t like the Democrats chances next fall. And this is a state that swept the likes of the Evil Ken Doll - "Sure Whitey, I'll gladly help sell out my own race for some of those juicy cracker bucks!" - and other assorted vermin out last year while still approving of our Democratic governor. For example:

Do you approve or disapprove of the way George W. Bush is handling his job as president?
40% approve, 54% disapprove.

Do you approve or disapprove of President Bush’s handling of the situation in Iraq?
36% approve, 62% disapprove.

A little bit less vitriol than the national average, but that’s to be expected in this state where a majority outside the major metropolitan areas tends to embrace wingnuttery. However, the following questions and answers show what a hard-to-kill behemoth cognitive dissonance truly is:

Which of the following positions comes closer to your view on Iraq?
We need to leave Iraq as quickly as possible and let the chips fall where they may, 32%
We need to maintain a military presence in Iraq until there is a stable political situation, 60%

Granted, like most questions in nearly every poll, these are poorly worded, and offer the usual black vs. white, Manichean worldview held by simpletons and Republicans - wait, I repeat myself - but there it is. And to show what a tolerant, forward-thinking people we are in the Buckeye state, there‘s this. All standard disclaimers apply:

Which one of the following comes closer to your view on the issue of immigration?
The U.S. should welcome immigrants no matter how they got there and offer them a way to become citizens, 14%
The U.S. needs to strictly control who enters the country and deport people who come here illegally, 81%

Try these choice issues where Democrats have traditionally been stronger. They're very tasty. ‘Not sure’ answers were omitted:

Which of the two major parties do you trust more to handle the following issues?
Social Security, Medicare - Democrats 41%, Republicans 36%
Health care - Democrats 45%, Republicans 38%
Improving the economy - Democrats 43%, Republicans 39%
Education - Democrats 45%, Republicans 39%

Notice anything odd?

And now for some areas where Republicans have, as the Beltway-approved CW goes, been the stronger party since before Saint Ronnie defeated communism all by himself. Unarmed. With one hand tied behind his back. Blindfolded. Let’s see how successful the Democrats have been at breaking that narrative of flaming dog shit:

Immigration - Democrats 35%, Republicans 40%
Federal Spending - Democrats 42%, Republicans 38%
Taxes - Democrats 40%, Republicans 42%
War in Iraq - Democrats 41%, Republicans 43%
Preventing terrorism - Democrats 30%, Republicans 50%

Oops.

And now, in lieu of completely drowning you in abject misery, I offer this glimmer of hope:

Would you consider voting for....?
Dennis Kucinich 32%
Hillary Clinton 45%
Mitt Romney 51%
John Edwards 52%
Fred Thompson 54%
John McCain 56%
Barack Obama 56%
Rudy! Giuliani 57%

Sorry America - and the world - my state still matters and it remains fucking stupid.

16 comments:

Freida Bee said...

I bet if you polled 10 Iraqi dentists 9 out of 10 of them would agree that this poll is fucked (as are we.)

Candace said...

Yeah, you got it right - alcohol.

I'm afraid that there will be another 9/11 in the late summer/early fall next year, and the Republican nominee will be elected (assuming elections are held and we aren't under martial law by then.)

FranIAm said...

Who do I have to know to get another drink around here?

I am with Candace. I just put up part one of a series about Chris Hedges of which I am too lazy to hyperlink to. Lazy- forget it, too depressed to link to. You can find your way over if you wish.

I think we are screwed. Preznit Fuckwit for life.

Great.

BARTENDER!

Distributorcap said...

the disconnect in this country is amazing

and being one who is always writing questions for surveys/polls and the like --- the average american cannot understand any question - they hear what they want to hear

nice work randal

fairlane said...

Considering I live in the "Bluegrass State," I don't have much room to talk.

However, your post does remind me of a joke.

What keeps KY from falling into the South?

Ohio sucks.

Or something like that, you get the point.

Mary Ellen said...

Holy crap. Randal, if I were you I'd pack my bags and get the hell out of there before that kool-aid seeps into your water system. Run!

I have no idea what Bush has to do to get those who approve of his job on anything to turn away from him. It's creepy.

The only hope for Dems who live in your state would be to get some drugs and start mainlining now. By the time the election rolls around, nothing will matter.

Randal Graves said...

Freida Bee, I'd wager all the Iraqi dentists have left Iraq, or have been killed.

Candace, glad I'm not the only one who fears that scenario becoming a reality.

Fran, no need to hyperlink, you know I'll check it out - work, internets, work! - and that's all you have to do. We understand your pain, so violently pounding the counter always works!

dcap, thanks but, unless my reading comprehension is off, that's something you do? Can you write ALL the questions for ALL the polls?

fairlane, that's not a joke, that's a statement of fact. I'm just glad I live in the bluest county.

Mary Ellen, oh, don't worry, the mercury in the water kills the kool-aid before it could ever take effect. As for drugs? Too expensive for my bank account, hence the stocking up of various liquors and wines. :)

TomCat said...

Your state still tends toward the Wacko W cult, but it's come a long way since your local GOPers stole the presidency for der Fuhrer in 2004.

catherine said...

I need a drink or 12. Oy.

two crows said...

hey Randall-
this is scary stuff.
where'd you get those poll numbers?

Randal Graves said...

Tomcat, I think we'll always towards the right. For a reversal to occur, the Dems would have to push their own narrative like the Republicans have for years, and since that isn't going to happen....

Catherine, better grab a second case for me.

Two Crows, click on the link in the first big paragraph. From there, there are a series of links. I believe the first one contains the results of the entire poll.

My Inner French Girl said...

Randal,

I love polls. They make no sense, and more importantly, as someone else said before, people only hear what they want to hear. Surely you analyzed polling when you studied poli sci? After taking an entire class on it one semester, I started taking those telephone polls more seriously once I realized how hard it was for these people to gather the data.

Or maybe I'm just engaging in some wishful thinking here. Seriously, Rudy Giuliani??? Mr. How-Many-Times-Can-I-Refer-to-9/11-In-One-Speech? Perhaps it's time to dust off my rolodex and contact my cousins up north in Canada to see if they have any room for two American refugees.

It's tough living in a blue state. I write a column for the local paper and have gotten my share of hate mail from everyone from Minutemen to bored hausfraus. But I've yet to really get used to it.

Salut,
Marjorie

Randal Graves said...

Oh, let us not speak of that statistics class where we discussed polling. Why I majored in poli sci remains one of the great mysteries of the universe.

"Hi, Mr. Mayor."
"9/11!"
"What do think about the Mets' chances next year?"
"9/11"

Sadly - happily? - you'll never get used to it, no matter how often such inhuman slime send you their version of love letters. To us, such thinking is so bizarre, so left field, that it, deep down, surprises us every time. Especially if it's directed at you personally for a thing where you're trying to expand minds.

In addition, the empty can rattles the most, so those who genuinely like your writing will more often than not write to tell you so. The fringe-y gun nuts will be the ones telling you how much you suck.

My Inner French Girl said...

Randal,

I thought I would hate the statistics class, too, but I ended up loving it. (Uhm, it could be that the prof was a real hottie...) The math geek in me just couldn't resist the analysis.

Did you see that Daily Show segment about Giuliani's obsession with 9/11? FUN-ny!!! (And I swear, if he does the general election...Canada, here I come!)

I don't mind the letters much anymore. As a matter of fact, I ended up becoming friends with the head of the local Minutemen. Odd, I know, but I think he was shocked (shocked!) to find me a decent human being, even if I do advocate immigrants' rights.

Salut,
Marjorie

Randal Graves said...

Can't say I've ever had a hottie for a prof. I've attended the wrong schools!

Oh yeah, that was one of those moments that was hilarious until you realized that he could be the next president.

Funny how when they come out of their neo-Klan whitey shell and actually talk to one with an opposite viewpoint, they sometimes wake up. Or at least drop the pretense to hostility.

My Inner French Girl said...

Randal,

My only consolation is that the election is a year away, and anything can happen. Two words: Howard Dean.

The Minuteman guy turned out to be cool. He even defended my writing during one of his meetings. (Or so he said.) He is, however, the atypical Minuteman, as he's a retired archaeologist.

Salut,
Marjorie